Last blog I talked about where the singles are. But if you don’t know how to attract and approach those you are interested in, it won’t be enough. You have to Flirt to attract those you are interested in. Yikes! Flirting!

Relax. The only thing really hard about flirting is the fear of flirting. The actual act of flirting is  fun and easy. So it’s like the old commercial – just do it! But what do you do?

If you have attended any of my flirting workshops or read any books, you know there are dozens and dozens of flirting signals that you can use.  But before we get into the many body languages techniques, good flirting openers and how to have a great first conversation – You have to start with the basics. Basic technique number one – Make eye contact and smile. The idea that you want to convey – “I’m happy to see you.” Now a few are groaning – “Really Joann, that is so, so, so SIMPLE!!! I wanted some killer secret that makes the opposite sex all run over to me!”  You’re right, it’s really simple. But let me ask. Are you doing it? Do you go into new situations – the grocery store, social events, coffee shops, restaurants, etc, etc and look at others and smile? If you don’t consider yourself a good flirt – chances are – you aren’t doing it.

 ”But I’m shy!” Here’s the simple answer. You can’t use that as an excuse not to flirt. Why? Because  studies show that shy people aren’t usually seen as shy BUT stuck up, standoffish, reserved, etc (I’m guessing – not how you want to be described). So while you may think others see you as shy – the reality is they often see this less appealing image. 

So making eye contact and smiling is a great first step to help you over your shyness and change that image you don’t want to send out. Do it until you do it without thinking about it. That’s why I encourage (okay, prod) Flirting workshop participants and my clients to make it a practice every day and every where.  Do this with at least 10 new people every day. To become a good flirt, this needs to be second nature. And you need to master the basics before you can move on to some more powerful moods.

See, here’s the real secret of being a great flirt. It’s not trying to make people see you as special – it is all about making the other person feel special. Good flirts put the focus and attention on other people so they feel they shine. Looking at people and giving them a genuine smile makes others feel special and chances are,  you’re going to feel good too.

Practice this simple suggestion for a month and let me know how it goes.

Joann Cohen,

Phoenix Dating Coach