Let me guess, you read the title, and a bead of sweat is running down your forehead.

Yikes! Flirting!

RELAX.

The hardest part of flirting is the FEAR of flirting. Just like the old saying says: the first step in overcoming a fear is: RECOGNIZING fear.

So, don’t freak. Check out your face in a mirror. See that bead of sweat? Breathe deep, exhale—you’ve passed the first step.

Onto step two.

MAKE CONTACT AND SMILE.

That’s what I said. Now, I know what you’re saying. “Really Joann, but that is so, so simple!”

And it is. But let me ask you? Are you doing it?

Better check yourself out in that mirror again.

Do you see a cute girl in line behind you at the coffee shop, and while you’re waiting to order your usual grande mocha, non-fat, no-sugar, extra foam, extra shot, with a swirl of caramel on top latte, do you look her in the eye and smile? As you’re striding through the gym to yoga class, do you see a sexy guy on a treadmill at the gym, look him in the eye and smile?

No, right. Well, don’t beat yourself up. It’s hard! I have to make an effort to make eye contact and smile at strangers myself.

Maybe you’re shy. I’m shy. But you can’t use that as an excuse not to flirt. Why? Studies show that shy people aren’t usually seen as shy but as stuck up, standoffish, or even cold.

And that’s why I encourage (okay, prod) my flirting workshop participants and clients to make it a practice every day.

Your goal: make eye contact and smile with 10 new people every day.

Remember: the real secret of being a great flirt is not trying to make people think you’re special, it’s about making others feel special. And when you become a good flirt, I promise you’ll feel good too.

Get in front of that mirror again. See the difference? You will.

Joann Cohen,

Phoenix Dating Coach