Often singles haven’t made the decision if they want to be single or in a long term relationship. So without a clear goal, they engage in a variety of activities hoping “something will happen”. But what is “suppose to happen” is difficult if you don’t what “that something” should be.

This is decision – not to choose. Often singles want to keep their options open which doesn’t allow them to achieve either a great dating life or obtain a long term, intimate relationship. This leaves a general overall dissatisfied feeling that “something isn’t working”. 

 Not deciding the goal is often due to being afraid that there isn’t a good match out there for them and they can’t find someone compatible. This unspoken fear interferes with them establishing the healthy goal to obtain a fulfilling, supportive and intimate relationship. Setting the goal and be dedicated to it, is the single best thing a man or woman can do. People who are committed and work to achieve a loving, true and nourishing relationship are very likely to achieve that goal.  Instead, many people believe great relationships should just “happen” like in the movies. Ironically, this approach hasn’t even worked for the actors in them.

So the first step is to get clear about your goal. Are you looking for a date or a mate? That simple decision will make many other choices about your life very simple.

Joann Cohen,

Phoenix Dating Coach