Taking men into the real world on field trips to meet women or working with them in workshops and individual coaching, I’ve seen common mistakes men make when trying to meet women. Review this list and see if you make any of these mistakes when trying to meet women.

1. The most common mistake men make in meeting women is they hesitate to approach. As a result, the man loses out on opportunities to meet am attractive woman because he delays. By the time he thinks he has his nerve or knows what to say, often the woman is gone. Other times a man hangs around a long time and keeps looking at a woman, trying to get his nerve up to approach her. The problem is the woman interprets this hesitation a lack of confidence. This lack of confidence usually results in the woman not attracted to the man. To avoid this common mistake in meeting women, make sure you approach within 5 seconds whenever when you get a woman’s welcoming smile.
2. Pickup Lines. Men think they need a clever line, trick or technique when approaching women. Knowing what to say is a top stressor for men. Relax. Studies have shown that what we say is only 6% of making a great first impression. So many men focus on that small 6% and neglect the other 94% that they can do to create attraction. There are no good pickup lines in meeting women. Keep it simple and genuine.
3. Men focus on pleasing women. A man will forget the point of meeting women, is to find someone he is interested in.  Instead a man focuses on having the woman like him instead of finding out more about her– in order to see if he likes her. Men want to meet women to see when talking to determine if they share interests, find each other funny and interesting enough to want to see them again.
4. Not Staying in the Moment. When men do meet women, they don’t focus or listen to what the woman is saying but trying to think of the next question or line. A woman can pick up on easily that the man isn’t really listening. The conversation seems stilted and forced which isn’t fun. If you listen to the woman then you’ll know what to say next – the conversation flows.

If any of these sound like you, remember you want to present the best you – but it’s the real you. You want a woman who finds you attractive and funny and not a false front that you won’t be able to maintain. To meet the woman – work to meet women all over and have fun conversations. The top thing any man can wear isn’t a Rolex but confidence and humor.

And ladies, it’s okay to give the guys a break when they approach. They’ve usually got the toughest part in approaching us. Let’s make it as easy as possible and remind ourselves, we can often find a real great guy under his nervous approach. And if you think it’s easy – try switching it up for a day and try approaching men. You’ll gain new empathy for men and maybe allow yourself to be open to meet a great guy who is hiding under a bit nervous.

Joann Cohen,

Phoenix Dating Coach