If any of these sound like you, remember you want to present the best you – but it’s the real you. You want a woman who finds you attractive and funny and not a false front that you won’t be able to maintain. And ladies, it’s okay to give the guys a break when they approach. They’ve usually got the toughest part in approaching us. I’ve had the greatest men clients who are confident in all areas of their lives but when it comes to approaching us. Let’s make it as easy as possible and remind ourselves, we can often find a real great guy under his nerves.

To meet the women you have wanted to meet and create genuine and real attraction and connection, don’t miss Dan Silverman’s and my training seminar for men this August 6th and 7th.

Okay, you know you shouldn’t BUT you have a romance starting to simmer in the workplace. She works in another department; he works in another building and you’ve both got the hots for each other that the employee handbook isn’t cooling you down.

Of course there’s no direct reporting relationship (After 20 years of human resources I know this is playing Russian roulette with your Career). Still, until you’re officially a couple; you want to get the relationship secret and out of the rumor mill. Here are 3 quick tips to keep your workplace romance quiet until you want to the world know.

1.  Keep your romance 100% outside work hours. That means you don’t even try to sneak in a quick lunch, hug in the stairwell, little cute emails, or quick breaks together. People will notice. So when you’re at work just focus on work.
2. Don’t show any affection on the job – physical contact, secret pats on the butt (yes, I’ve seen it done), straightening his tie, tugging the bottom of her sweater or secret smiles. People are very observant and crack a romantic relationship faster than figuring out their new smart phones.
3. Don’t tell anyone at work or anyone who knows anyone at work. I don’t care if your best work friend swears on her child’s head to keep it a confidence. They won’t. Perhaps they won’t say it out loud, but they’ll hint, give a special smile, nod or tell their very, very special best friend. One way or another – it’ gets mentioned subtly or overtly. This is the most common way workplace romances are found out.

 Follow these quick tips until you’re ready to let the world know about your new romance. When look firmly established, then you can show more in the workplace. And when you do want it to be known, the quickest method is to tell 2-3 of your closest work friends. It’s faster and more effective than the company newsletter or email no matter how many states are involved.

What’s out there is just like what’s in life. There are some who aren’t seriously looking, aren’t honest about who they are, and are “different”. Studies show that people are as honest on the internet as they are in regular life. You’ve experienced it – there’s no one place where you can always find who you want to meet. Instead you need to try a variety of places and a few different internet sites.

People have told me almost every site – from eharmony to plenty of fish – are just for people looking for hookups. I have also heard that on each site, people have met, fallen in love and gotten married (including clients I’ve referred). So how do you choose?

1. Decide what you are looking for: A serious relationship, casual or friend with benefits? Whatever you are looking for there are sites that specialize in that area.
2. Who are you are looking for. There are sites that are geared for certain ages, interests, and demographics. Looking for someone who loves to dance, western life, or has a disability – there are specializing internet dating sites. You can Google your specific interest and internet dating and find a big variety of internet sites. 
3. Paid or free? The advantages of free sites of course is you’re not spending your money. May sound perfect but often members may not be as serious as paid sites for finding someone or may not have the money to pay for a site. This does allow the non-working, no car and living in the sister’s basement to internet date. So paid sites are best? Most of the paid internet dating sites allow people to browse after putting up a profile. But if people don’t pay, they usually can’t email or answer others’ emails. And those profiles aren’t designated. So while a site has 15 million members there may be 1-2 million that are active members.
4. Try the site out. Browse for members in your area. Are there enough people in your area to make it worth your time and possibly money?
5. Review the customer service. Can you find it on the site? If the site has made the customer service difficult to find, that’s a sign of the customer service you’ll get. Do they have some of the features you may like such as discussion forums, instant messaging or video dating?
6. Take advantage of free or trial offers.  Most paid sites will allow you to browse for a short time for free, a money back offer for a certain number of days. Just make sure you understand the cancellation policies as most will automatically charge your credit card.

 I suggest my clients try a few sites at the same time – usually a mix of paid, free and perhaps niche sites. You can expect a lot of traffic on bigger sites and if you choose a smaller niche internet site (seniors, single parents, pet lovers, etc) you will get less responses but they may be a better fit for you niche.

If the site doesn’t work, then move on to another site. On larger sites, my male clients get at least 8-12 emails a day the first week they post. And of course the women get more. If you’re not getting those results on a large site, the site may not have many active members or your profile needs to be revised (check my past blogs for ways to write great profiles and get winning photos or sign up for my Internet Dating Workshop at Paradise Valley Community College under events).

Recent studies indicate that internet dating results in almost 1 out of 5 marriages. So if you’re seriously looking for the right one – get serious about internet dating. Review these tips and if you have any questions about internet dating, send me an email. I’ll answer it in the next newsletter.

Next time – it will be the ladies’ turn. Men – have you got suggestions on the top things women can do to make a great first date? I know my female readers want to know! So email your dating tips for women to me at joann@joanncohen.com and you may see them in the next news.

Of course, once you are in a place where there are singles you want to meet, you have to take the next step – flirt! Read future articles on simple beginning flirting techniques to attract and have fun.

Perhaps you have a favorite sports shirt or cap. Wear it to allow your fellow team fans or opposing team fans to make a comment to you about the game or team. Or how about wearing a hat, unusual jewelry or tie, feather boa, silk flowers (ladies only please), wearing a glow stick necklace at club or a specific themed item at a holiday event – Santa hat, Valentine’s Day horns an so on. Food! At a party bring some great finger food that you pass around or offer to pass around something the host has made. Take your time walking with the item and give everyone your best smile.
 
At one of my flirting field trips, several ladies wore party tiaras that were real magic. When asked why they were wearing tiaras, answers ranged from “Just graduated from a flirting workshop”, “We’re members of a secret society” to “Guess!” As you can imagine, these responses started great banter back and forth for some easy flirting.
 
My vote for the best flirting prop – a dog. Most of us don’t hesitate to immediately start talking to someone with a cute, interesting or ugly dog. Take yours for a walk, to a store that allows dogs, sit outside at a coffee place or anywhere else dogs are allowed and you’ll find yourself quickly in great conversations. Don’t have a dog? Ask your neighbors, friends, and family if you can take Duke for a walk. They’ll think you’re great and Duke will probably love you too.
 
Enjoy experimenting with different types of flirting props that match your personality and events. They are a wonderful way to give people an excuse to talk you. And finally, remember to notice others’ flirting props, as they also give you a reason to start speaking to others.

Relax. The only thing really hard about flirting is the fear of flirting. The actual act of flirting is  fun and easy. So it’s like the old commercial – just do it! But what do you do?

If you have attended any of my flirting workshops or read any books, you know there are dozens and dozens of flirting signals that you can use.  But before we get into the many body languages techniques, good flirting openers and how to have a great first conversation – You have to start with the basics. Basic technique number one – Make eye contact and smile. The idea that you want to convey – “I’m happy to see you.” Now a few are groaning – “Really Joann, that is so, so, so SIMPLE!!! I wanted some killer secret that makes the opposite sex all run over to me!”  You’re right, it’s really simple. But let me ask. Are you doing it? Do you go into new situations – the grocery store, social events, coffee shops, restaurants, etc, etc and look at others and smile? If you don’t consider yourself a good flirt – chances are – you aren’t doing it.

 ”But I’m shy!” Here’s the simple answer. You can’t use that as an excuse not to flirt. Why? Because  studies show that shy people aren’t usually seen as shy BUT stuck up, standoffish, reserved, etc (I’m guessing – not how you want to be described). So while you may think others see you as shy – the reality is they often see this less appealing image. 

So making eye contact and smiling is a great first step to help you over your shyness and change that image you don’t want to send out. Do it until you do it without thinking about it. That’s why I encourage (okay, prod) Flirting workshop participants and my clients to make it a practice every day and every where.  Do this with at least 10 new people every day. To become a good flirt, this needs to be second nature. And you need to master the basics before you can move on to some more powerful moods.

See, here’s the real secret of being a great flirt. It’s not trying to make people see you as special – it is all about making the other person feel special. Good flirts put the focus and attention on other people so they feel they shine. Looking at people and giving them a genuine smile makes others feel special and chances are,  you’re going to feel good too.

Practice this simple suggestion for a month and let me know how it goes.