As a Phoenix Matchmaker and Dating Coach, I get a lot of questions about where to find women. Men want to know where they hang out, what they like to do, where they usually go for ...]]>

As a Phoenix Matchmaker and Dating Coach, I get a lot of questions about where to find women. Men want to know where they hang out, what they like to do, where they usually go for dinner. I guess this isn’t really all that unusual–after all, women often ask the same questions about men!

The answer is closer than you might think though.

The truth is unless you’re hanging out in a men’s locker room, women can be found almost anywhere. Now, keep in mind that certain places have a higher percentage of women. For example, art galleries and such typically hold a female audience. Conversely, sports bars and technical events typically have more men. Don’t let this stop you from going places you like to find women, though. Because the few women you do find at these places, will probably have similar interests.

For example, if you like comics, a woman hanging around in a comic shop probably also likes comics. Wow, look, now you have one thing in common to talk about! Isn’t that neat? Use it. Ask her about that comic she’s reading, or the niche coffee she’s drinking if you’re in a coffee shop. People who hang out in the places you hang out probably like the same things you do. This gives you some common ground and conversations that are easy.

In the same vein, you can sometimes (but not always!) predict some things about a woman’s personality depending on where she congregates. For example, that cute girl in your graduate class is probably a young professional. This doesn’t tell you much, but it is something–namely that she probably has something going right for her and with that, some maturity backing it up.

You can also predict expectations sometimes based on where you meet someone. To give an example, say you’re at a club known for young people and alcohol. Well, don’t be surprised if that barfly you’re chatting up only wants a one-night-stand. Although stereotypes about clubs aren’t always true, keep in mind the venue. If it’s a club known for wild parties, and if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, it’s really better to go elsewhere.

Remember though, sometimes rules can be broken. Don’t think you know everything about a woman based on where you meet her. Remember to take the time to get to know her. Meeting places are a good start, but there’s so much more to a person than their base interests. With that said, get out there and be confident, mister!

And if you’re looking to save time searching, check out my Phoenix matchmaking. I have hundreds of attractive women looking for smart, relationship minded men. I work with successful, busy men who want to meet their goals of having healthy relationships that last. 

In an earlier blog, I gave you a few ways how to text the man you’re interested in  more successful.  Now it’s time for the flip side of that, where we find out what texting behaviors ...]]>

In an earlier blog, I gave you a few ways how to text the man you’re interested in  more successful.  Now it’s time for the flip side of that, where we find out what texting behaviors you’re going to want to avoid at all costs.

First off, understand that just because you are right at your phone ready to text doesn’t mean that he is.  He might be in a meeting, at gym, or otherwise occupied.  Sending “Hey, so, get my text?” “Where r u? Get my text?” “U busy, I sent u a text” is going to make him a bit leery.  Plus, you know the answer; unless his phone was broken or stolen, he did get the text, and either he can’t answer or won’t.  Either way, patience is a virtue.  If he does take a while to answer, feel free to take some time before texting him back.  You have your own life, and it shouldn’t appear that you are waiting with bated breath by your phone.

Indeed, the next thing to remember is when not to text.  If the guy you’re texting is barely talking back, he’s obviously either busy or not interested; either way it’s not worth your time or energy.  Don’t forget that there are times when you can’t text, and that’s fine too.  If you’re out having fun with your friends, a quick text to him saying “Hey, thinking of you” is fine, but several of those are going to seem like you’re obsessed.

Finally, and I cannot stress this enough, never ever ever text him something that you wouldn’t want his friends to see.  Regardless of what they may say, men can be horrible gossips, so if you’re thinking of sending him something that would be embarrassing for his “bros” to see, don’t send it.  This is especially true of any pictures you might want to send.  Given the nature of smartphones, it’s not just his friends who will see any pictures you text to him, but the entire Internet as well.  Ultimately, if there are any second thoughts, don’t press send.

Don’t get me wrong; texting can be a great way to get to know someone in a nice and relaxed way. It gives you a chance to compose your thoughts and avoid dreadful silences.  Texting can also be a great way to scare the heck out of the man you’re interested in; you have to walk the fine line between “interested” and “obsessed.”

I am Joann Cohen, The Phoenix Matchmaker and Dating Coach, and I’m ready to help you find a healthy relationship that lasts.  If you’re finally ready to meet your one contact me.

The word ‘nice guys’ has been floating around the internet a lot lately. Usually it’s thrown around in phrasing such as ‘nice guys finish last’ or ‘no girl wants a nice guy’.

Of course, this isn’t true ...]]>

The word ‘nice guys’ has been floating around the internet a lot lately. Usually it’s thrown around in phrasing such as ‘nice guys finish last’ or ‘no girl wants a nice guy’.

Of course, this isn’t true at all, because of course women want a nice guy! After all, I can’t think of a woman that wants a jerk who spills her dinner on her lap and calls her a name.

The issue isn’t so much in being nice as it is in being confident. If there’s one piece of dating advice for me  that needs to be given far more often, it’s this: don’t forget your confidence. Too many guys confuse ‘nice’ with ‘doormat’. It’s great to be nice. In fact, everyone should be nice! But don’t forget that although nice is good, desperate or unconfident is not.

One thing to remember is to assert yourself. If you’re looking for a long-term life partner, you’re eventually going to have to communicate your wants and needs. This won’t happen if you just say yes to everything all the time. Don’t just go along with whatever everyone else does, insert your own ideas into the flow. It’s not impolite to make your wants and needs known, after all!

The second thing to remember is to remain self-confident. You, your ideas, and your dreams are just as important and worthy as everyone else’s. Own this. Believe in this. Never forget your own self-worth. Don’t see yourself as lucky to have her–see yourselves as lucky to have each other. Don’t just settle for any woman, settle for a woman who truly makes you tick. After all, a relationship wouldn’t be much fun if it were just her. You should be in there too!

If you remember these tips, it’ll be much easier to get a relationship and keep it. Sure, self-confidence isn’t something that builds instantly, but don’t forget to tell yourself that you matter. It may seem odd, putting yourself first to get a date. In fact, it may even seem contradictory. It’s not. You can only have faith in someone else if you first have faith in yourself.

So remember that, and remember that you are worth it. It’ll make you more attractive than any body language tip or grooming routine or expensive date. Read my other dating advice for men blogs for more tips on how to be the man women really want.

Of course, if you do want to get confidence quicker and date more quality women, be sure to pop on over to my dating programs. It has complete programs for men that will get you  to be the whole package.

So you’ve got the number of a cute guy and you’re wondering about how to text men.  Maybe you’re texted and found he disappeared and you wondered if you didn’t know how to text men.  Here ...]]>

So you’ve got the number of a cute guy and you’re wondering about how to text men.  Maybe you’re texted and found he disappeared and you wondered if you didn’t know how to text men.  Here are some simple ways to how to text and keep it fun and interesting.

Perhaps the first tip to give on texting  is to turn off auto-correct.  There are several websites dedicated to the troubles with auto-correct and you’ll see funny examples where the intended message of “We hope” was auto-corrected first to “We hop,” “We hopping,” “We home” and “Wawa skittletits”. So you will easily see auto-correct is often more trouble than its worth.  Once you’ve done that, or have decided to embrace the randomness it can bring, I’ve got some other tips on how to text men.

So you’ve meet a guy, he seems nice, and you want to text him to see where that leads.  The question is, then, just how do you get the texting started?

One of the better ways to get a conversation started is with a question, but one that requires an actual answer.  ”Hey how are you?” will net a “Fine” at best.  Try instead something about himself.  Ask something like “Did you do well at your softball game last weekend?” and he’ll be ready to text for hours.

To keep the conversation going, make sure you are as engaged in the conversation as you want him to be.  You would find it a little difficult to text someone who is only saying “yes,” “no,” and “LOL!” so make sure you aren’t doing that too.  You may, in fact, be “laughing out loud,” but add something on top of that.  That will help keep interest piqued.

Remember too that it’s not all about him.  You may start the conversation with a question about his interests, but he should want to know more about you as well.  When you are texting, not only are you making sure he knows your interested in him, but you’re also trying to make sure that you are interesting to him.  Talk about recent events in your life or mention something you are passionate about; this way he’ll know just what sort of person you are.

Finally, when it’s time to draw the text conversation to a close, actually draw it to a close.  Unlike a phone conversation, there’s no audible “hanging up” with texting.  It’s better to text something like “This is so much fun, but I have to go (somewhere), so I’ll text you again later.”  That way neither of you are staring at the phone thinking “Where did they go?!?” and you can actually go on with your lives.  Be specific for your reasons for leaving, by the way; it’ll give him a chance to have something ask you about.

I am Joann Cohen,The Phoenix Matchmaker and Dating Coach, for singles who want healthy relationships that last.  When you are finally ready to find your one,  contact me.

If you have a fear of commitment in relationships, reflecting on that problem might be about as fun as envisioning a root canal. Frankly, it’s understandable, especially if you’ve been hurt before. It’s not always a ...]]>

If you have a fear of commitment in relationships, reflecting on that problem might be about as fun as envisioning a root canal. Frankly, it’s understandable, especially if you’ve been hurt before. It’s not always a fun topic. It’s certainly not something we think about in the early stages of dating.

We’re worried about the more practical pre-date activities like hitting the gym to shrink those love handles or finding something stunning to wear or planning a creative itinerary for our big night out. However, doing some mental prep before the date is just as important as sculpting those chiseled abs. If you struggle with the fear of commitment, it’s worth the effort to deal with it now. It will help you avoid three common pitfalls during your date:

#1: Impossible Expectations

Fear tends to paralyze us. It holds us back from doing what we want to do.

The sabotage often begins as early as the first date.

We’ve all had sparkling daydreams of our ideal true love. Even William Shakespeare had them. The women in his sonnets seem less like human beings and more like mythological goddesses. Like flowery poetry, we sometimes create a world in our minds where no one has bad breath or pimples. This tends to stir up our emotions before the first date.

It builds unrealistic expectations. If our date is not picture perfect, the shimmering bubble in our imagination pops, and we go home disappointed. Oddly enough, the fear inside of us wants us to feel disappointed. Instead of seeing the possibilities of a relationship, we see the impossibilities of the person’s flaws. This kind of constant disappointment is hard for anyone to deal with. We’ve all been there. Before we know it, we’re spending our Saturday nights sulking in our pajamas, listening to me lancholy soft rock from the 90′s (“Everything Hurts” by REM?), and ordering way too much pizza.

#2: Lack of Patience

Frankly, if we’re judging others from the towering heights of our perfect standards, we become irritable. We often don’t even realize we’re doing it. It sneaks into our body language and tone of voice. Sure, our date might have a legitimate turn-off (uh, did he really just pick his nose?), but that should not transform our personality for the worse. For all we know, our intense, stormy mood might be the real turn-off, and we might be eliminating any chances of a second date. If we can stay calm and collected, it’ll make it easier for our fantastic, relaxed personality to shine through. Sure, doing some yoga or busting out a little Dance Dance Revolution on your Xbox before the date will help you loosen up, but so will a patient attitude.

#3: Resistance to Second Chances

The last point begs a question.

If our date is so annoying that he or she makes us cranky, then why should we care if we get a second date?

Unfortunately, if we train ourselves to use mercilessly high standards, we’re also training ourselves not to give second chances. Everyone has a bad date. We shouldn’t think that someone’s entire personality could be summed up in a single evening of dinner and conversation. Maybe your date struck out, but if you give them a second (or third) chance, they might shine. Perhaps they really do have a persistent character flaw. But what good qualities do they have? It might take a few dates to peel back some layers before you get to the great stuff that you didn’t know was there.

It’s tough to unlearn bad mental habits, but it’s not impossible.

The fear of commitment is a common mental block in dating. We might not even know we struggle with it until later on. Sometimes it doesn’t rear its ugly head until you’re in a relationship that is about to go to the next level of commitment.

However, it’s always better to start working on mental blocks on the first date when the stakes aren’t so high. We should use dating as a way to improve our character, not just to meet people. It will make our dates more enjoyable, and, ultimately, it will transform us into a more attractive mate.

It’s hard to do these things on our own.

This is where my dating advice and coaching can help you. My services for men and women can help you find lasting romance and companionship. If you’d like to read more posts like this, my blogs offers invaluable (and free!) dating advice.

If you’re ready to take the first step towards true love, connect with Phoenix Matchmaking through the Contact Us page or call me at 480-620-1463. Let me help you find the satisfying love you’ve always wanted.

Phoenix Matchmaker tells you the inside scoop!

Over the years I’ve interviewed many men about who they’re looking for and who they’re not. As a Phoenix Matchmaker I talk to men after each date – what he ...]]>

Phoenix Matchmaker tells you the inside scoop!

Over the years I’ve interviewed many men about who they’re looking for and who they’re not. As a Phoenix Matchmaker I talk to men after each date – what he really felt about the woman.

As Phoenix Dating Coach, I’ve talked to hundreds of men about their dating experiences and what men found attractive in women.

What turns men off about women – may surprise you.

•  Too thin. We’re constantly dieting to get the lean look of models. But my clients don’t want a super thin woman. And that means they’re typical men!

Ladies – you’ve got it wrong. Studies consistently show that women incorrectly guess how thin a man wants a woman. Women try to copy magazine models while men want curves!

Real curves – which is the difference between the waist and hips. Studies show the most preferred curve is the waist is 70% as wide as the hips. A too thin woman will lose her curves and lose the man!

•  Too Much Makeup. I love the stuff too. But there’s a point where the man sees the makeup and not you.  I’ve had many of a man tell me they love a woman’s natural look – and I know she always spends lots of time concealing, highlighting – the normal stuff we do.

Some women who take it too far. The makeup is obvious –eyelashes are unnaturally long, the eye shadow gives the peacock vibe, and so on. Chances are that if men comment on your makeup – you’re wearing too much.  (Check out my Drab to Fab Workshop where you’ll learn how to apply makeup that enhances but doesn’t hide you)

•  Women who don’t like men. These are the women who think making continual jokes about how awful men are – is really funny. You may have friends like this. They’ll usually say “All men are …..” and it’s never good.

These are bitter women. Perhaps they were mistreated in past love relationships, work situations or feel women have it rougher than men. They’ll take out their resentment on the nearest guy. It can be sarcastic remarks, not so funny jokes or frequent stories about how men have done them wrong.

Men can sense these suppressed anger and move on to friendly territory. (Learn how your friends can secretly stop you from finding your love partner in my Drab to Fab Workshop).

• Desperate Women. This is the woman who wants a relationship so badly that she makes it clear she’ll do anything and everything to land the man.

It could be the baby clock going off, all of her friends are in relationships and she’s the last single person she knows; or after a string of bad dates – she finds herself on a date with a great guy. She suddenly loses confidence and wants to really make sure she “seals the deal” with this one.

I’ve coached many women who kick themselves on how they messed up by trying to over please on a first date. The great guy sensed the desperation/neediness and disappeared forever.

• Fake and not fun Women. Often this is the woman who is nervous, self-protective and holds back. During the date – she plays it “safe” by not showing her real personality, spark, passion and fun side. She’s waiting for him to make her feel comfortable, to prove himself, too afraid to be herself, or is too busy listening and judging.

I had a female client that was doing my Drab to Fab Dating Makeover. She had a few so-so online dates and knew she was “fine” on first dates. I brought in to work with one of my very attractive trained coaches and me. I wanted to see how she how was on her “fine” first dates. She practiced her first date and she was blah. Boring!

I knew this client had a sparkle, an adorable smile that reminded you of a spunky school girl, eyes that glowed with life, a feminine, appreciative woman. But that woman didn’t show up on the date. Instead she held back her true self and became bland. And bland isn’t attractive.

My client didn’t sense she was being unauthentic by playing it safe. Because playing safe allowed her to feel comfortable – she felt she was fine. But playing it safe was not going to attract her perfect partner. The partner – who loved her girlish smile, appreciated her fun self, her passion for life.

After dating coaching – her true self showed up on her dates. Not only was she more successful at dates– she had more fun. And men appreciated her true sparkle!

Phoenix Matchmaker  – A man wants a woman who is real, feminine, has enthusiasm about what she’s doing. A woman who wants the man and will open her heart and life to him.

If you aren’t sure about how you can have the man that you really want, l encourage you to attend my Drab to Fab Makeover Workshop. You’ll get secrets on how to show your very best you – inside and out.

Don’t Miss the Early Bonus Signup. Click here for more information.

You’ve tried online dating and you’re tired of meeting people who aren’t like their profiles. You Aren’t Finding the Right One Online.

People contact you who aren’t often the people you want to meet. You have nothing ...]]>

You’ve tried online dating and you’re tired of meeting people who aren’t like their profiles. You Aren’t Finding the Right One Online.

People contact you who aren’t often the people you want to meet. You have nothing in common with them. Why you groan – did they contact you?

It takes time to look at their profiles and you’re busy with work, family, friends and living life. You’re just too busy to spend time online with emails and flirts from people you’ve got nothing in common with.

And when you do meet some, it may be a disappointment. After spending time on emails, talking on the phone, you meet. They may be shorter, heavier, older or you just don’t have any chemistry when you meet.

It’s not working like the online dating sites advertising says. Forget it – you’re done. You aren’t finding the right one online.

“Joann, no way am I trying that again!”

I understand. It can take time, be frustrating and most of the people who contact you – aren’t compatible. Yes, as a Virtual Dating Assistant who is many online dating websites for clients – I am reading all those emails. I understand.

And I still recommend – go online to find the right one. The only reason –  Because it works.

The Research is confirming what you’ve seen around you. Online Dating is now the second most common way that people find relationships; the first one is meeting through friends.

Are your friends setting you up lots of fabulous dates?

Can you think of a place where it’s easy to meet lots of singles? Some place you can spend a few minutes or if some people are interesting – spend more time?

No? Then you need to add online dating to your plan on meeting your right one. Because you easily and inexpensively have access to lots of singles 24 hours/7 days a week. Where else can you do that?

I’ve heard it all. A beautiful woman who was meeting tons of men. She is hot, has a great career and bubbly personality but the men she was meeting weren’t looking for anything but a fling. When they found out her age – they said they wanted younger (really not true – but that’s another story).

She groaned when I told her to go online. “I’ve tried that. Everyone lies! They’re too old! It doesn’t work!”  Patiently I heard her vent and then told her to try it anyway.

What did she have to lose? She had gone on tons of dates but hadn’t had success meeting men through blind dates, friends, bars, etc. “FINE!” she said, “I’ll try it but I don’t think it will work!”

And of course – she found the right one online. She’s been with a great guy for 9 months and she’s still thrilled with her man.  Jumping up and down, shout it to the world,  he’s the one – that type of  happy.

Men? I had a male client who was a very successful business owner and was exhausted after a long day at work. He didn’t want to go out after he got home. He had some bad dates. Women who didn’t look like their photos. Women who wanted to get married – right away.  He was really ready to give up online dating and stay single for the rest of his life.

And then he found her online. Discouraged but deciding that he would just give it one last try. He had little hope and wasn’t all that excited about the date. Now married to this lovely lady for over a year and half – he says that all the bad dates were worth it so he could be with her.

It worked for them and it could work for you. What do you have to lose?

And to make it EASY -  I’ve got a Special After Valentine’s Day Gift to You.

Get the same success as others with my Online Dating Profile and Free Online Dating Photos. My Gift is Free Online Dating Photos.

This gift of Free Online Dating Photos has a special limited time offer so click here to find out how you can get Fabulous Online Photos – Free.

As a Virtual Dating Assistant, I am continually on several online dating sites for my clients, reading emails, reviewing profiles and figuring who are good matches and who they should pass on. The List TV show ...]]>

As a Virtual Dating Assistant, I am continually on several online dating sites for my clients, reading emails, reviewing profiles and figuring who are good matches and who they should pass on. The List TV show recently interviewed me about Unusual Online Dating Red Flags.

Below is your sneak peek at some Online Dating Red flags I discussed.

First, I am hoping you not missing the basic red flags of online dating -

Your Never/Ever break Rules- Never send money to someone you don’t know (or send it to me and I’ll at least send you a photo of the clothes I bought ; have someone pick you up at your home (that means guys too– there are crazy women online too!); skip people who don’t have photos posted (they all say they have a special job that prevents them, sigh); don’t get in the car with an online date, etc. Got the Basics?

The 5 Online Dating Red Flags You Don’t Want to Miss

• It’s All About Who They Want

Their profile of who they’re looking for is much longer than describing themselves. They have a long list of everything they want in a person. There isn’t much – or anything  - about them but all about who they want. It’s precise, specific and it’s the perfect person. No one is a Perfect Person or Partner. You won’t ever measure up and they will be back online looking again for that perfect person. Pass!

• Pass the Whine

Singles who complain and whine about their failed relationships, online dating, how life has treated them, the other sex and what they don’t want (no players, no serial daters, no crazy women!). These aren’t people who have it rough but bitter people. Take a chance to meet them and you’ll find them whining about you in their updated profile. Pass!

• Too Much Touch

Their love language is Touch and they talk about it – frequently– in their profiles. There are constant  mentions of – sensual; touching; PDA; someone not afraid to show her body; long, wet kisses; and on and on. Too many times in a profile and this is someone who isn’t looking for anything serious. They thinkthe 3 Date Rule as too strict. Unless you’re looking for a fling – Pass!

• They’ll date Your Son or Daughter

Their age range starts so young, it’s just creepy.

They say they look young for their age, identify with a younger mind set, too active for people their own age –the list goes on. If their age range is too young, they may date you but truly want to get lucky with a much younger person. Pass!

• Email Pals 

If it’s 5 or more ongoing emails without a suggestion to talk or meet, you got an email pen pal. You’re online to meet someone – in real life.

The Email Pal is someone who wants to have their egos stroked by emailing multiple people; too socially awkward to actually meet anyone; married or some other way – not available. You can spend weeks and months emailing without ever meeting. Pass!

Pay attention to these red flags and you’ll meet more great people online and not waste time with those who aren’t right for you.

And why go online? Because the studies are showing that online dating is now the second most common way singles are starting relationships. Don’t miss finding the right one. Pay attention and you’ll be meeting the ones you want to meet – fast. 

Does it seem like men approach other women, but not you?

In your head, you are probably thinking something like…

Well… you can relax.

You aren’t ...]]>

Does it seem like men approach other women, but not you?

In your head, you are probably thinking something like…

•  “Am I unattractive?”
• “Do I need to dress more revealing?”
• “Is there something I’m doing wrong?”

Well… you can relax.

You aren’t unattractive. You don’t need to dress sleazy. And if you are doing something wrong, then this dating advice for women  will help you fix it.

As a Dating Coach, I have showed many women who think they’re hopeless and easily learn how to have men approach.

Read on and you will learn 7 ways to get men to approach you.

This dating advice  is for any woman, who has wondered, “How can I get him to approach?” This is such a common question too, because talking to him is the first step to meeting the man of your dreams.

 Ready to learn a few simple things to become a Man Magnet?

 Remember: It isn’t, because you aren’t attractive.

In fact, if you are TOO ATTRACTIVE that might be one reason why he isn’t approaching you.

Most men get really nervous approaching women… especially attractive women.

Before he takes the risk, he will look for signs that you are open, friendly, and interested in him. If he doesn’t see these signs (even if you are sending them), then there is a good chance he won’t come talk to you.

Many women don’t even realize they are sending him the wrong signals.

Here are 7 simple things you can do to get men to talk to you:

1.     Look him in the eyes. This is the classic signal that works as well today as it did for your grandmother. When you make eye contact with him, just hold your gaze a touch longer than you normally would.

2.     Smile. Add a smile to your eye contact to emphasize your interest. These two gestures are the most powerful combination to get him to come over. But there is much more you can do…

3.  Lift your eyebrows. Men are attracted to women with expressive faces. So, as you make eye contact and smile, lift your eyebrows too. This is a friendly gesture that is almost asking him to come over.

4.   Have fun. Don’t focus so much on getting men to approach you that you forget to have a good time with your friends. Men are attracted to fun, social, and happy women.

 5.   Go out with one female friend. Choose a good wing woman, when you go out. Avoid going out with a large group of women to meet men, because these groups can be intimidating.

6.   Break away.  Go up to the bar for drinks by yourself. Walk to the bathroom. Go outside to make a call. Give him a chance to approach you, while you are alone… by walking slowly.

7.   Be open to meeting men anywhere. Don’t wait until the weekend to meet men. You see men everywhere and more than likely, men are talking to you often throughout your day. Open yourself up and be friendly, when men approach you, anytime and anywhere.

Remember: Getting men to approach you is simply about presenting yourself as a friendly, open, and interested woman.  I know you can do that.

Need dating advice that is specific to  your situation? Contact me to discuss how my services can help you find your one.

Dear Joann, Phoenix Dating Coach!

I had some financial difficulties a few years ago. I have since started a new business that is doing well and growing. But I am going to have to stay disciplined for ...]]>

Dear Joann, Phoenix Dating Coach!

I had some financial difficulties a few years ago. I have since started a new business that is doing well and growing. But I am going to have to stay disciplined for the next two years to get caught up on my past issues and get to where I want to be. When I do that, I will be debt free…financially secure. It’s a positive thing that I am going to be out of all debt in 24 months and financially secure, but I really don’t have a way to explain that to a woman when out on a date.

It seems to come up sooner or later that I don’t have the money to travel or go out all the time. Many women are doing financially okay and I don’t want to come across like I’m broke. I’m simply focusing on getting ahead! Somehow my answers are as bad and I have no good way to explain that I am temporarily pushing the majority of my money to becoming debt free.  Help!! How can I have an answer that does not leave a woman feeling unsafe/unsure about me?

JF

Hi J,

It’s been a tough economy. You’re not alone – many guys are working out of tough financial situations. It’s a common question – how not scare women away because you don’t have a lot of money.

Kudos – You are doing a lot of things right. You’re focusing on paying off your debt and not blowing your cash trying to impress others. You’ve got a plan that will make you successful. And you’re honest and not lying about your situation.

But I can’t help but suspect – The Problem may be within you – not with the women you’re dating.

Your issues is like many of my clients. The men I coached  felt their unique situations created barriers to them being with attractive, drama free and fun women they wanted. I showed them  how to easily get over the fake problems and get to the core issue preventing them from dating.

 How do you see yourself?

Are you a successful man with a plan or a failure that women should pity?

Is your self-worth determined if a woman likes you, approves of you, finds you attractive and says she’ll accept your current financial situation?

Because if you feel that how a woman judges you determines your worth – then you’ll might as well give up on dating and contemplate the benefits of celibacy. Because here’s the element that all women are really turned on by.

Women are attracted to Confident Men.

Real confidence – Feeling comfortable that you are okay with your current situation because you’ve got a plan that is working to make you successful. You have goals and won’t try to impress others by throwing your money and delay your success. Get that confidence and you will draw women to you – right now.

Because women care about how you make them feel.

And how you make them feel is determined by how you feel about yourself.

If you feel nervous, then women feel unsafe. When women feel unsafe – they will start questioning your financial situation. Then you will feel even more nervous – and they are really feel something is seriously wrong and questions become more focused and direct. At the end of your nervous financial explanations – she doesn’t feel safe and secure with you – because you aren’t.

Instead if you are relaxed and comfortable communicating  that you’ve got a business that’s doing well, you’ve got a plan that is working to get you the future life you want – she is going to relax. This woman will go along with putting off expensive dinners, vacations – as long as you stay confident and relaxed. You’re in charge of the situation and she can be free to open herself to you.

Women want men who are financially sound. But the right women will also understand there are  bumps in the road – in life and your relationships.

The solution is not to focus on impressing women but feeling confident about who you are. Start feeling more confident by claiming all the positive qualities about you. Make a list of why you’re a great catch.  And reinforce that list to you really believe it and most importantly – feel it.

I know this works.

Over the years I have coached with male clients who have had serious financial and personal issues who felt that their  situation made it impossible to attract women. Working with my techniques they have dated and are in relationships with attractive, sane and fun women.

If you’re still not feeling confident  when the financial situations get discussed, practice your anser. You can say it to yourself in the mirror, driving down the road, saying it until you really feel comfortable with it.

Because until you feel comfortable – the woman won’t.  The first step is to start with yourself.