It can be easy to feel hopelessness in your dating life. Especially when everyone around you seems to be finding their soulmate. Dating can be exhausting, confusing, and a lot of work. But, if you find yourself rejecting potential matches because they don’t fit your criteria, you might be in a dating rut.
If you’re struggling with how to expand your horizons and get out of the “not my type” mindset of dating, then here are a few tips to help you!
Create Realistic Goals
Finding love is a fantastic experience, but it takes work and patience. If you find yourself obsessed with finding the picture-perfect relationship then reprioritize yourself. Seeking the perfect relationship can alter how you approach your love life. That sense of perfection can become all you care about achieving. Although, the idea of love can be alluring, you have to have a realistic approach to dating. If you spend the majority of your time comparing yourself to your friends in relationships, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Make sure you’re spending enough time on yourself and your budding relationships. Otherwise you will feel disconnected or disinterested.
When you focus on the idea of the perfect relationship you miss out on a fantastic experience. Experiences that can help you grow and learn for your next relationship. Don’t settle for the idea of love because you think you’re missing out on the real thing. When you obsess over finding the perfect partner, then you might turn down some good ones.
To help shift your view on love, create a list of realistic goals for yourself in and out of a relationship. Then ask yourself why these goals are essential to you. If you find that most of them are superficial, then reflect on where your priorities lie. It’s ok if you find yourself struggling to let new and different people in. Don’t let unrealistic expectations keep you from a new relationship.
Spend Time On Yourself
Before jumping into any new dating scene, it’s crucial to check-in with yourself. Ask yourself if you’re ready to get back out there. Dating can be a complicated and scary world. If you’re not prepared to put yourself out there, you might struggle to find a real connection. Lacking a connection can leave you feeling defeated and in a rut. But, remember it’s completely normal if you need more time to feel comfortable dating. The more you learn about yourself, the easier it becomes to let new people in and not be frightened by the unknown.
What are some of your favorite hobbies, and when is the last time you priortized the things you love? If you take the time to get to know yourself, you’ll be more confident in showing them to potential partners. Spending time on yourself will also make it easier to find people who share the same interests as you.
If you’re struggling with your self-confidence it might be hard to feel good while dating. If so, consider handling and improving those insecurities head-on. If you’re a woman struggling with crooked teeth, consider buying a clear aligner like Invisalign to help you enhance your smile. Or if you’re a man struggling with thinning hair, consider a topical hair solution like Minoxidil. Minoxidil will stop hair loss in its track and get you ready for any pending first date.
Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone
When you look at your dating history, do you find yourself going after the same type of person again and again? It’s natural to seek a relationship with someone who seems familiar. But, you might be setting yourself up for failure in the long run. In a perfect world, you would attract your ideal partner. However, attraction does not always equal compatibility. Stepping out of your comfort zone can be one of the scariest aspects of dating. Yet, it can be a great experience to help with personal growth.
You have to be open to the idea of change in dating. Without that, you will never allow yourself to date out of your type and get out of your dating rut. You are limiting yourself and your possibilities by sticking to a particular type. Whether that means dating outside of your racial or age group or someone from a different area. Dating outside of the norm does not mean you have to date someone you don’t find attractive. It’s just a healthy way to find a balance between the old and the new.
Stepping out of your comfort zone can mean a million things. Start small by stepping out of your immediate area. Interact with people who come from different backgrounds than you. This will give you a chance to look outside of your usual dating pool and get to know people you would have never had the opportunity to before. This can also give you an understanding of certain qualities you didn’t realize mattered to you. Dating people outside your “type” will also give you the chance to see what else you’re missing out on. Take a look at each of your previous relationships to see where they have lacked, and what you need.
Be prepared for things not always to work out. Although it’s important to date outside of your comfort zone, remember that it’s ok if things don’t go as planned. Especially if you don’t feel comfortable or safe while on a date. If you notice some red flags that make you uneasy, such as your date being on their phone all night, or being self absorbed, then don’t waste your time trying to form a connection. Dating takes effort, so be prepared for some dates to flop before finally that special someone.
Stop Rationalizing And Start Dating
It’s easy to feel consumed by the idea of dating and finding your perfect match. If you’re struggling to see beyond a first date because your date doesn’t check all your boxes, then you might be setting yourself up for defeat. Although it’s necessary to have high standards for yourself and know your self worth. Spending your time creating pros and cons lists and less time getting to know the person will get you nowhere..
To help gain a better understanding of what habits are helping or hindering you most, take a step back and assess your dating habits. If you’re spending most of the date focused on yourself and if this person fits your type, you’re not going to go far in your quest for love. You shouldn’t strive for perfection with a potential date or relationship but aim for a good time!
Understand that a lot of your doubt or negativity is in your head. You shouldn’t be anxious about finding your soulmate on the first date. Focus on creating a connection with them and take things from there. Push yourself to have fun. There are many creative virtual dates ideas to keep things fresh. Pitching a virtual cooking class, or a virtual paint and sip activity can help shake things up. If you want to take a more in-person approach, try experimenting with different local eateries around your area. If you’re having fun, live in the moment and don’t let your idea of finding the perfect partner keep you from having a good first date!
Establishing and building relationships is hard. Especially if you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Recognize that you don’t have to have it all figured out to enjoy your dating life. If you want to get out of your dating rut, then look outside what you know and shake things up and always remember to always have an open mind.
Joann Cohen
Professional Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area
