Ah, first dates. Ice-breakers, awkward silences, and all the nerves you can imagine. As much as you might hate the idea of going on a date, whether formal or casual, once you get over the initial nerves, it can actually be fun. If she’s really hot, you may ingore the red flags that she’s sending. Ignore these red flags and you may find yourself in a lot of trouble later. Learn the 5 red flags men shouldn’t ignore – no matter how sexy she is.
As a Phoenix Matchmaker and Dating Coach, I have listened to men’s dating stories. Many times, if a woman is beautiful, sexy, hot – men ignore the red flags. They end up wasting time with women that aren’t interested, don’t have healthy relationship skills. Or worse, get in relationships with women that are dysfunctional and stressful. There are red flags you shouldn’t ignore,
Some of the first dates you go on will make or break your chances of developing a healthy relationship. So, it’s important to know how to form a good first impression on your date. But also how to recognize dating red flags when you see them. The first date isn’t always the perfect indicator of how the relationship will go. But, there are some red flags you need to pay attention to. They can warn you of challenges to come.
Whether it’s a blind date, with someone you know, or the tenth date, you should be aware of some of the red flags to pick up on. And it’s especially necessary when it comes to the ever so complicated female. Women can be difficult to read. I’m guessing they’d have the same to say about men. But, luckily for men, here I’m putting the focus on things women do. You’ll find when you should far and fast in the opposite direction.
5 Red Flags Men Shouldn’t Ignore
What should you be on the lookout for when you’re on a date with a woman? And what do they mean? Find out who’s worth the effort, and what she could do that tells you to cease all efforts and move on to the next one.
1.Strange texts before the date
One of the million reasons why women are so difficult to read is because we’re so reliant on texting through dating apps . And don’t get me wrong, men aren’t excluded from this concept either. But women can tell you a lot about their needs and wants in a few words, or no words at all. Red flag- If she doesn’t answer your texts very often. When she does answer, her esponses are one word or boring. These are signs she might not be interested in you. It’s important that she keeps the conversation going as much as you. Short replies like ok and I’m fine and yeah are appropriate in some conversations. However, if those carry on through the most of text conversations, she might not be worth your time.
Perhaps you’re both making plans via text. She refuses to commit to a date, place, time, or decide for sure if she’s going at all. This is definitely a sign that she isn’t all-in on going on the date or she isn’t all-in on you. Are you getting ghosted or zombied? Are you always the first one to text? Does she take hours to reply? Does the lonely “lol” she replies send you into a whirlwind of wonder and anxiety? Nervous yet? If these texting red flags stress you out, you’re better off making phone calls, and if she ignores those, then we both know where you stand.
2. She’s on her phone throughout the date
In today’s digital world, dating apps, texting, and social media have us buried headfirst in our phones for the majority of our day. When we’re not concerned with work, we’re thinking about our next Instagram post, or sending our thousandth text to our favorite group chat. We’re told as soon as we get our hands on our first cell phone to put it away when we’re supposed to be polite and paying attention. But, it’s becoming a lot more difficult to tear ourselves away as we become more dependent on technology and social media.
On a date, if a woman is on her phone the majority of the night, this is a major red flag. There could be numerous reasons that she needs to stay attentive to her phone, like a family emergency or waiting on an important phone call. However, many of the reasons she isn’t looking up from her phone can indicate that she isn’t interested in you. Or what kind of partner she’d be in a relationship.
What if she’s not listening to you when you talk? Not answering your questions, or even making eye contact with you? This might lead you to assume she’s just not into you, selfish, inconsiderate, or even talking to several other men she values more than you. If your relationship style relies on verbal and non-verbal feedback, then your future with this person is likely going to be a struggle. Or, your personalities may not be a good match, and it’s time to look elsewhere.
3. She stands you up
Um, hello? This one seems a bit obvious. It’s a big red flag– If she commits to the date, and then doesn’t show up. You can assume she never wanted to come, she’s not that into you, or that she found something better to do. It’s clear that this is poor treatment and much less than you deserve.
What isn’t so clear in a situation like this is when she has what seems to be a good excuse. It becomes easier to determine that she’s flaking when it becomes a pattern. When she’s bailing on plans you both made more than a couple of times, it’s no longer a coincidence and it’s no longer acceptable.
You maybe more than reasonable when she cancels a date a couple of times. But make sure you’re not being naive. Pay close attention to how she acts in your presence. Does she seem to be enjoying herself? If she seems disengaged, preoccupied with her phone, or upset in any way, it shouldn’t be a surprise that she bails on a second date. And remember, guys, if you think it’s not a coincidence, take a hint. She may be too nice or nervous to be honest that you aren’t the one for her.Don’t fight for someone who doesn’t fight for you.
5 Red Flags Men Shouldn’t Ignore
4. She “isn’t ready for a relationship”
Uh-oh. The reality is that you have little control over how your date sees the future of you two. Though, it’s definitely something that the majority of guys have worried their fair share over. Maybe she says she isn’t ready for a relationship. Should you be patient?
There’s a possibility that she’s coming up with excuses to not enter a relationship or go on another date with you. That’s worth thinking about. Is she showing signs she’s not physically interested? Why isn’t she ready to take that next step with you? Will she ever be?
Maybe she’s second-guessing your relationship. Maybe she needs time to figure out what she wants, she’s not attracted to you, or (worst-case scenario) she’s thinking about someone else. Maybe she wants to explore her options as she’s going on dates with you. One study emphasized the prevalence of “hanging out” in today’s society and skipping the formal dating process altogether.
If that’s what she’s looking for, can you get on board? Do you want an open relationship or a monogamous relationship? Are you looking to get married, or is marriage not in the cards for you? This is why it’s so important to be upfront and honest with what you want from your relationship every step of the way. If something’s off, practice open communication with your feelings and ask her to do the same.
Don’t scare her off with these questions on the first date. Rather, keep these values and goals in mind when considering if she’s ready to commit to a relationship or life with you.
5. She avoids physical contact
Cringe. I’m willing to bet all think back to a time that we observed or experienced an awkward moment where he goes in for the kiss and she leans in for a hug. Or a hug turns into a very platonic and professional handshake.
Physical touch can be a crucial part of a relationship and can be very telling of a girl’s feelings toward you, or lack of attraction. A small hand on the arm or caress to the back can show that you’re interested, but when it’s not reciprocated, it can be very uncomfortable.
Women’s priority on a first date is to feel comfortable and safe. That means you have a big responsibility in maintaining that sense of security throughout the date. If she doesn’t feel safe on that first date, I can guarantee you won’t get another date.
It’s critical that you read the verbal and non-verbal cues she’s giving you. That cue could be as obvious as her saying “no thanks”. It could be as subtle as being stiff when you touch or hug her. Or leaning away from a kiss. Or as indirect as being uninterested in the conversation.
All these can serve as a sign that she might not be ready to take things to a physical level, or that she doesn’t express affection through physical touch. In fact, only 19% of people define physical touch as their love language. Either way, you don’t want her to feel anything but comfortable.
Therefore, pay attention to your surroundings, communicate with her, read her body language, and listen to her verbal feedback. You’ll avoid some severely awkward moments and your relationship will have that much more chance of survival past the early dates.
Dates can be an awkwardly perfect mixture of nerves, passion, and possibility. Not all are going to be fun, and, unfortunately, some are going to make you cringe for some time. But, all the insecurity and unpleasant moments bring you one step closer to finding what, and who, you want.Make sure you know red flags men shouldn’t ignore. This knowledge will help you avoid losing time with women who aren’t your match.
Put yourself out there, be understanding, and communicate as early as possible. And hey, you never know what can happen. That awkward date where she spilled food all over you could be the beginning of a beautiful love story to tell your friends and family someday.