As a Matchmaker and Dating Coach men and women have shared dating texts. The good AND the bad. Especially the bad. I’ve had single guys show me the text messages they’ve sent and wonder why the women don’t respond. It takes about 2 seconds for me to show them the mistakes they’ve made. Usually there are one of the 5 texting mistakes men make.
But before I tell you the 5 texting mistakes men make….
Forget about your own troubles, fears, and insecurities for a minute…
Let’s focus on understanding Single, Attractive, Modern Women and the type of guy she is looking for.
Men who naturally are good with women, understand them well. These guys understand – how women think, how they communicate, and what women find attractive.
These guys get women… and a woman craves the feeling of being gotten (these are the guys she goes crazy over).
Today, women have more dating opportunities than ever before:
- When she heads out for a walk, guys approach her.
- If she gets a cup of coffee and reads a book at her local coffee shop, a guy will sit down, talk to her, and ask for her number.
- If she goes out to a bar or club, countless guys will try to get her number, and others will try to take her home.
- If she sets up her dating app profile, she is probably going to get 50 messages a day.
- Throughout her day, various men text or call her to flirt. Others will try to set up a date or maybe try to set up a “booty call.”
For many women, it is hard NOT to give out her number at least a few times a week. And if she is social, she could give it out plenty of times a day.
But is She Happy?
Many Single, attractive, & modern women are not happy
For guys, all this attention sounds great.
Even the most good looking guys rarely get attention from women without working for it. This situation might even make it seem like she has all the power and can choose the most attractive men.
For a “normal” guy, this might make meeting women sound hopeless, so why even try?
However, you may be surprised how many of these women are frustrated. “Where are all the GOOD men?,” she complains to her girlfriends.
The texting mistakes men make are a big reason these single beautiful women turn to me. As a Matchmaker they want me – to find them a Good guy.
Sure, she gets a lot of attention. But most of these guys are clueless about how to connect, attract, and date her. Most guys try the same old stuff, whether it works or not. And so she thinks, there are no “Good Men out there,”. Even when she is getting multiple calls and texts a day from potential suitors.
What if you could learn what all those guys are doing wrong, so you could stand out in her eyes?
What if you could be the Good Man, she really wants? And the man who gets her?
Well, it isn’t as hard as you may think.
To start, make sure you don’t make these 5 common texting mistakes.
The 5 Texting Mistakes Men Make
1. You are a Bore: These guys treat texting like small talk at a cocktail party. They text,
“Hi there, how was your day?” or
“Hello, Ashley, what’s up with you today?”
These guys choose the safe route. They are overly polite, nice, and they ask the same old questions. But they don’t get dates. In fact, she will never picture you as a dating option. You will be a texting buddy at best. Until she just can’t bring herself to text you back, that is, and she vanishes.
2. You are a Wimp: This guy uses texting to avoid calling and is always waiting until next time to ask her out. Usually he is shy or uncomfortable speaking on the phone, so will try to make up for it by texting. But with only 160 characters how much can you express?
And if she gave you her number, she wants you to ask her out… sooner rather than later. Or else she will just forget about you.
3. You are a Creep: This guy tries to be the opposite of boring. Bold and outrageous is his strategy.
“Hey sseexxxyy… what are you wearing?” or
“OMG… I can’t stop thinking about you since we met.”
This guy might have found some “copy and paste” texts online. Most recommend you do anything but be boring, so these guys go wild. Other times the guy just doesn’t understand that women are much more subtle than men.
Your creepy texts are the ones she will laugh about with her girlfriends.
4. You are a Novelist: This guy wants to establish a genuine connection, but he just writes too much. He might even be a good writer and wants to use his writing to connect (which it can). But he doesn’t understand that texting is about short, fun communications.
Long text messages have a lower response rate than short ones. And she doesn’t need to know everything about you to go on a date with you.
5. You are a Desperate Dude: This guy texts her way too often. A woman showed me the texts from a man she had dated. He sent 90 texts in a week (after 1 date). She liked him on the first date. But he went from interesting to weird in a week. He was a Desperate Dude.
If you text her, even though she hasn’t responded, then you are acting desperate. Would a guy like Brad Pitt or George Clooney text a girl repeatedly, if she didn’t respond? No, right? Brad or George would probably just meet more women and continue to look for a woman who does like him. That is how you want to act too.
Another way of being desperate is to commit the cardinal sin of texting. Expressing intimate emotions in a message.
Never send, “I just have to tell you, I had such a great time talking to you the other day. You are gorgeous and I really want to see you again. I was wondering, how do you feel about me? J”
Put yourself in the woman’s shoes and pretend that you just received a text like this. Maybe it is after you met and you had a great conversation.
You like her too, but then you get this text, and you think:
· What does this mean?
· How can she know how much she likes me, she doesn’t even really know me yet?
· How do I respond? I do like her, but this seems serious. I’m not sure how much I like her yet. I still want to get to know her more.
· How would I describe my feelings in a text?
· Is she really feeling this… or is she just lonely? Or crazy?
This is probably how she would feel as well. Although she gets these sorts of messages often, so she may just think, “Gosh, another clueless guy…”
Texting is for short, fun messages only.
If you feel so strongly about a girl you just met, this is often not a sign of love, but a sign of how lonely you are. Be in control of yourself and let your relationship build naturally.
If you feel strongly about a woman, then work to set up another meeting with her.
And learn to understand her what she wants.
These women are getting hundreds of messages from guys. They don’t take the time to see beyond one or two text messages. Show any one of these common texting mistakes men make and she’s – gone.
When a woman is getting lots of text messages – she has one goal.
To quickly get rid of the men she’s not interested in (most men). She has to get rid of men to get to a manageable number of men. She wants to quickly to focus on the men she is interested in.
Are You the Guy She Gets Rid of or Keeps?
What Do Women Want?
Well, put yourself into your head for a minute.
Let’s say, you just had an engaging conversation. She laughed at your jokes and gave you her number, so she wants you to contact her. She hopes you will get her and will not disappoint her like all the other guys.
Here’s What Women Want
1. To hear from you quickly: With all the attention, she receives she is likely to lose the connection she felt or even forget about you, if you wait too long.
2. To move things forward: Your interactions need a point. If she keeps seeing your texts and is frustrated thinking, “what is the point of this!?” then she will either stop texting you or she will ONLY text you and never accept a date, if you do work up the courage to ask.
3. To feel comfortable: She doesn’t want to feel awkward or nervous around you. So the smoother you can make things for her, the better (don’t worry, I’ll show you how in future blogs).
4. To be interesting, but authentic: Women are remarkable good at sensing when a man isn’t acting like himself. So be yourself. She doesn’t want to hang out with a clown, but she does want to be with someone who is genuine and interesting
This isn’t going to try to turn you into someone else.
You can be yourself AND get dates with attractive women.
But you have to stay focused. Every text or phone call you make should have a purpose. Don’t ever have the texting mistakes men make.
This is why you need to know the only two reasons why you text a girl.
Don’t worry. In the next blog I will tell you How to Text to get her interested.