Blocking Your Dream Guy?
If you’re like many women looking for love, you already know who you’ll find it with. You have your dream guy set in your mind, no ifs, ands or buts. You know your Mr. Right. Nobody else will do.
As an Arizona matchmaker, women have come to me with ginormous lists of requirements that must apply to any potential match. The man must:
Be at least 6-feet tall
Love ballet
Exercise regularly but not too much
Play golf, or never play golf
Text, or never text
Have dark hair, blue eyes
Be super-successful but not work too many hours
Live in Scottsdale, or in Phoenix, or at least within 5 miles of their hometown
An 80-year-old once told me her potential partner had to have a full head of hair. Yes, she really meant it.
Like these women, you’re likely to have your own list of carefully selected traits. You may have even created a Vision Board of your mate, sending thoughts of your tall, handsome, dark-haired, golf-playing dream guy out into the universe.
But the universe has yet to deliver.
You go on a few dates anyway, with each and every man you meet adding more restrictions to your list. Sure, one guy had dark hair – but it also sprouted all over his back. Another guy played golf – but he also played around in monster trucks. A third man, like you, was a big fan of ballet. But he also had a bad habit of cracking his knuckles.
You add new entries to your dream-guy list. Must not have back hair. Must not like monster trucks. Must not crack knuckles.
The Interview Date
When you meet someone new and go on a date, you ask all kinds of questions directly from your list. If the guy’s responses don’t fit your list – you’re done. After all, you don’t want to waste time with someone who doesn’t match up with everything you require.
This is called the interview date. You’re essentially evaluating your “candidate for life partner,” and none of the guys have so far been someone you’d consider hiring.
And when many women do find a guy that meets all the criteria, they’re usually not attracted to him. He’s just not funny, or she doesn’t feel the chemistry, or perhaps he doesn’t meet a new item that just popped up on her ever-growing list. Such a list of requirements guarantees failure of finding love.
Dating from the Heart
It’s time to start dating from the heart. Instead of evaluating how a man matches your list’s criteria, focus on how that man makes you feel. Forget the list and listen to your heart. Having an open heart, being vulnerable, is the only way to find true love.
Sure, being vulnerable can be scary. That’s why women create lists in the first place. Lists protect you from falling in love, since no one will ever measure up. Lists serve as the great barrier between you and any man you meet.
Guys can sense when women are closed off.
As an Arizona Matchmaker, I’ve seen so many absolutely beautiful women stay single because guys are just not willing to climb over castle walls to get to her heart. Love is about much more than looks, and the man will instead seek out a woman with an open heart who is welcoming to him – not blocking him.
After a first date, a woman wasn’t sure about my client I set her up with. She said “Joann, he has so many qualities that I want and that are so hard to fine. He’s easy to talk to but I’m not sure if the physical chemistry is there.” She was open to finding out more and dated him again. And things changed – fast. Within a few short weeks she was quite the happy lady. Yes, the physical chemistry developed (actually exploded in fireworks!) and they are now a committed couple.
Men are attracted to women who love life, love their lives and the people around them, and love with an open heart. It’s tough to have an open heart when you have a list the size of the Grand Canyon around it. We fall in love because of how a person makes us feel – not his dating resume. If you must have a list, limit it to the absolute deal-breakers.
Use the same Matchmaker tool I used with a woman who reluctantly dated my client who didn’t meet all her criteria, including being shorter than her 6-foot minimum (they’ve been married for months now). If a guy made you laugh and you felt safe with him, would it honestly matter that he didn’t do this or didn’t have that or occasionally hung out around monster trucks?
Most women tell me what I already know – it wouldn’t matter. All that matters is the connection. And a connection can only be made if your heart is open enough for your dream guy to come through.
And it only takes one – the right one.
Joann Cohen
The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area
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