Author Archives: Joann Cohen, Phoenix Matchmaker/Dating Coach

The 5 Real Reasons Why He Won’t Commit to You (and it’s Not What He Tells You)

Why he won't commit

 

Let’s imagine you’ve been seeing a guy for a few months. You’re falling head-over-heels, but he hasn’t made it quite clear where you stand. So, naturally your mind begins to race: Where is this going? Is there a reason why he won’t commit?

We’ve all been in relationship limbo, and it’s not a fun place to be. The truth is there are many reasons a man won’t commit, and most of those reasons he will never admit. “I’m just focused on my career right now” and “You’re great, but I can’t be the man you deserve” are among the most popular excuses.

Now, let’s cut through the nonsense and get to the five real reasons of why he won’t commit to you. Some of these reasons you may already know, but a few may surprise you.

 

  1. Bad timing

You have an incredible connection. He seems perfect for you in so many ways…BUT he’s at an age where he isn’t ready to settle down. Or he’s moving across the country. For whatever the reason, the timing isn’t right.

I know the hopeless romantics reading this are saying to themselves, “But love conquers all!” or “where there’s a will, there’s a way!” and to some extent this may be true, but most men are wired differently than women.

Women value relationships. As women, we are naturally nurturing creatures. Above all else, connecting with others makes us happy. This isn’t to say women aren’t career-driven (we most certainly are!), but often women put friendships and relationships above their careers on their list of priorities.

Men, on the other hand, need to feel like they are winning in the world. Usually the men who are natural providers and protectors, feel good when they have a successful career and are making enough money to support themselves.

Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs, conducted a study with 400 males. Results showed 74% of men would prefer feeling alone and unloved compared to feeling disrespected and inadequate.

For most men, their confidence is closely tied to their professional success and ability to provide for the people they love. If he isn’t where he wants to be in terms of his career or financial status, entering into a committed relationship is probably the last thing on his mind.

 Why he won't commit to you

 

 

  1. He’s unsure about pursuing a relationship with you

I know this is hard to hear, but it’s true.

He may enjoy spending time with you and having sex with you, but he is having doubts in terms of long-term potential.

Sadly, in this case, some men will be keep seeing you until they meet the woman they want to commit to.

Of course, he won’t tell you the real reason why he won’t commit, leading to endless overanalyzing, second-guessing and more sleepless nights than you can count. Does he go days without speaking to you and then act like nothing happened? Is his schedule always unpredictable? Make sure to pay attention to the red flags.

 

Remember, the right guy is the one who also chooses you.

 

  1. His role models are bachelors

This is the guy when you’re watching Mad Men together and he says, “Don Draper is THE MAN.” In other words, he admires how women fall at Don’s feet and being able to juggle multiple ladies deserves a round of applause (sigh). Needless to say, some men take longer to mature than others, and in this case, it’s probably wise to cut your losses and look for someone who is more on the same page and shares similar relationships goals.

Are all of his friends single?

If he’s surrounded by bar-hopping Casanovas chances are he is living the same lifestyle and that’s the real reason why he won’t commit.

Today’s hookup culture is vastly changing the dating landscape – especially when it comes to the motivation to commit.

Researchers from Saint Mary’s University in Halifax, Nova Scotia explored whether relationship status affects sexual satisfaction, and compared people in the following categories: friends with benefits, casually dating, exclusively dating, engaged and married. Interestingly, results showed similar levels of satisfaction across all five groups.

In other words, many men aren’t committing because they are getting all their needs met without being in a relationship.

 Why he won't commit -work

  1. He has other priorities

One of the main reasons a man may be afraid to commit is because he thinks a relationship will prevent him from achieving his life goals. In terms of priorities, finding love is low on the list – at least at this point in time. Studies show people who dedicate their energy to multiple projects are less committed to their romantic lives.

For instance, he could be finishing a Master’s degree and working full-time. After a long day at work, he goes to night class and all his free time is spent studying and managing his course load. This is where he needs to focus the majority of his attention, and while a relationship would be nice, he views it as a luxury he just can’t afford right now.

If you’re dating a man whose career is more important than his love life, It’s likely he won’t commit.

Then it’s in your best interest to walk away. Don’t fall into the “someday” trap. Someday he will be ready. Someday he will be who I want him to be. Someday he will make a great boyfriend. Start seeing the man in your life for who he truly is, and not the man you want him to be.

It pains me to see so many of my clients fall into this trap. They say, “But he has so many great qualities! We have so much fun when we’re together!”

Okay, but what about when you’re not together? How does it feel? Not too great, I’m guessing. It will always be an uphill battle with Mr. Too Busy to Make Time.

The problem is they are focusing on the connection they share, rather than the amount he is actually investing. You can have an amazing connection, but it doesn’t matter if this man isn’t putting the time and energy into making it work.

And this brings me to my next point…

Why he Won't Commit- You

  1. You don’t respect yourself

Yes, you heard right ladies. This one is entirely on you.

From a male perspective, nothing is sexier than a woman having standards and being able to stick to them. Of course, this is nothing he will directly come out and tell you – it’s something you must intuitively know. On some level, he understands that if he messes up you are strong enough to walk away from him. You know your worth and won’t settle for bad behavior.

For example, if he keeps making plans with you at the last minute and you keep saying yes, he won’t be motivated to step up his game. He will continue to see you on his terms and at his convenience.

He knows he doesn’t have to commit to keep you around.

He may be giving you the bare minimum, but you are still giving him everything he wants. In this case, it’s very clear why he won’t commit. You say you want exclusivity, but are your actions truly reflecting that mentality? The bottom line: if you don’t take yourself seriously, how can you expect anyone else to?

Also, stop with the games. Manipulation will get you nowhere.

This means always waiting for him to text you first. If he waits two hours to respond to your text, then you wait three. What does his text mean? Oh no, he didn’t end with a kiss face. Is he mad? So anxious about doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing…jeez. I’m emotionally exhausted just writing this.

And make no mistake ladies, men are aware when you are playing games. The irony is that by waiting to answer his text, you are doing the very thing you are trying to avoid: acting needy or insecure. Men know when you are playing some sort of waiting game and this is as much of a turn off for them, as it is for you.

It’s very simple. If you see a text from a guy a minute later, answer it. If you see it an hour later, answer it then. But you know when someone is being manipulative with this, and if you sense that RUN. Not a good sign. And not worth your precious mental energy, trust me.

It’s a fact: no amount of psycho-strategizing will land you the guy. Trust me, it really gets you nowhere. And I mean absolutely nowhere. The truth always comes out. You’re better off being authentic from the get-go.

Let’s face it: The reason why he won’t commit doesn’t matter. It is what it is. He isn’t stepping up. If a man isn’t giving you what you want, on to the next one!

Most importantly, know your worth and believe that by walking away from the wrong guy, you are creating space for the right guy to come in.

If you’re looking to meet the right man who is ready for a forever relationship – contact me. My Phoenix Matchmaking is always free for women.

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The Top 3 Phoenix Speed Dating Companies

The Best Arizona Speed Dating Companies

Why is dating so hard?! Where is the best place to meet other singles?” This is a question I hear all the time as an Arizona matchmaker and dating coach. Dating is not a one-size-fits-all approach, which is why I recommend trying everything from matchmaking and online dating to speed dating. When it comes to Phoenix speed dating companies, there are many to choose from, but only a few that are worth trying.

Based on Google and Yelp reviews, here is a list of the top 3 Phoenix dating companies:

  1. Relish

Unlike traditional speed dating with nametags, announcers, and all the bells and whistles, Relish creates an environment that’s more low-key and casual. 

What Sets Relish Apart

“We think the best relationships are forged when we are comfortable, relaxed and free of pressure. Preferring instead to think of the evening as a casual night out where one can truly be themselves. We do not use traditional ‘speed dating’ offerings such as bells, whistles and name-tags. Instead we focus on creating an atmosphere conducive to meeting others; a great venue, a personable host and a staff to assist.”

This classy yet casual atmosphere is what makes Relish one of the best Phoenix speed dating companies.

What You Can Expect

Upon arrival, you find your event host who will assist you with setting up your scorecard for the night. The scorecard is to help you keep track of those you were interested in and are interested in meeting again. As soon as all the daters arrive, the speed dating part of the event begins.

Throughout the event, the ladies remain seated and the gentlemen rotate from one table to the next every five to six minutes. The host will let the gentlemen know when their time is up and guide them to the next table.

As you meet each date, take note of who you would like to see again and at the end of the event, give your scorecard to the host. Results will be calculated by the staff and you will be contacted the next day with your matches (name and email address). And you both can take it from there.

The Top 3 Phoenix Speed Dating Companies

The Top 3 Phoenix Speed Dating Companies

  1. MyCheekyDate

 Their tagline, “sophisticated simplicity” pretty much says it all. Similar to Relish, MyCheekyDate provides a casual night out atmosphere.

A reporter for LA Talk Radio.com said, “I walked through the venue without even noticing the tables of daters; events are so chic and low key you might just walk right by.”

What Sets MyCheekyDate Apart

 Are you ready to mingle and match UK style?

 MyCheekyDate was brought over directly from the UK, so it’s American speed dating with a British touch. Believing ‘less is more,’ their goal is to create a relaxed, comfortable experience with a group of like-minded daters. Everyone who attends is screened to ensure a high quality, enjoyable experience, making MyCheekyDate one of the top-rated Phoenix speed dating companies.

What You Can Expect

Once you choose the event you want to attend, you purchase tickets online beforehand. On the night of the event, go to the venue and when all daters arrive, the fun begins.
Event hosts will with your MyCheekyDate ‘Date-Mate’ scorecard. The women are shown to their tables and remain seated throughout the event. The men move from one table to the next every six to seven minutes.

If someone strikes your fancy, you jot it down on your scorecard and event coordinators will notify you with your matches within 24 hours.

When the speed dating portion of the evening is over, you are welcome to stay and socialize.

 

  1. Pre-Dating

As the world’s largest speed dating company since 2001, Pre-Dating has events in over 70 US cities – also making it one of the top phoenix speed dating companies.

What Sets Pre-Dating Apart

Aside from being credible and established, Pre-Dating is the only national speed dating company focused on single professionals. With a 70 percent match rate, they are confident in their ability to help singles find love. This is why they offer a Match Guarantee – if you don’t find a match, you can attend the next event free of charge.

The Top 3 Phoenix Speed Dating Companies

What You Can Expect

First, you must pre-register. This ensures there will be an equal number of men and women at the event. Pre-Dating events are held at private, upscale venues that include free appetizers and drink specials.

Upon arrival you will receive a name tag and Match Sheet scorecard. In the span of 2 hours you will meet between 6 and 12 single professionals. These are organized in 6-minute “pre-dates.”

As you meet people you’re interested in, you mark who you would like to see again on your Match Sheet. At the end of the event you enter your selections on Pre-Dating.com. Your results will be available in 24 hours.

Predating emails matches to each participant and the rest is up to you!

One last thing to keep in mind: When you’re researching events to attend, make sure the number of men and women is proportionate. The last thing you want is to go to an event filled with 20 women and 3 men or vice versa.

When the crowd is in their 20s, sometimes they can’t get enough girls, whereas when the crowd is in their mid-40s, getting enough men can be a challenge. As the group ages, most speed dating companies find it difficult to find enough men to attend. I can’t even count the number of times these companies have reached out asking my men to go!

Now, that we’ve got the where it’s time to work on the how. If you’re looking for speed dating tips and tricks, I’m here to help make sure you’re prepared, confident and ready to mingle!

Try a few events to see which is the Best Speed Dating Company for you. If you’re looking for a personalized way to meet the right one, contact me. Find out if using a Matchmaker is right for you.

 

How to Win at Phoenix Speed Dating

how to win at speed dating in phoenix

 

Feel like you’re stuck in a dating rut? Perhaps you’ve been out of the game for a while and you’re looking to get back out there. If that’s the case, Phoenix speed dating is a great opportunity to practice your skills, meet new people and perhaps even find that special someone.

During speed dating events, it’s inevitable you will hear some boring, cliché questions along the lines of: “How long have you lived in Phoenix?” and “What do you do for work?” (Yawn). You do not want to be this person.

When I coach clients I help them create interest by providing engaging questions and talking points, body language tips, and more. Since they don’t have me at a Phoenix speed dating event, I give them everything they need to make sure they feel confident and prepared.

Top 8 Tips for a Successful Speed Dating Experience

 

  1. When in Doubt, Say Yes

Contrary to what you see in Hollywood, you should not be aiming for a love at first sight, and the fireworks type of physical chemistry. It could happen (never say never!) but if you meet someone who seems interesting and there’s a curiosity on your part, say yes. The “maybes” are always worth exploring.

When I talk to clients, I encourage them to shift their perspective in terms of dating expectations. If you obsessively search for “the one” you will be left feeling frustrated and disappointed the majority of the time. Instead, get excited by the process rather than the outcome. Dating could be an exciting journey filled with new people and new places. It’s an opportunity to broaden your horizons, enhance your social skills, and grow as a person in the process.

dress to impress phoenix speed dating

  1. Dress to Impress

This seems obvious, but it’s important to mention. While attraction is made up of various components, physical appearance is the first thing someone notices about you.

Strike the right balance between over-dressing and under-dressing. Of course, you want to take pride in your appearance, but it will be a turn off to potential matches if you look like you’re trying too hard.

Choose an outfit that’s flattering, but one you also feel comfortable and confident in. If you look incredible, but feel uncomfortable, that will come across in your interactions.

Here’s a fun fact: Studies show first impressions may be more important for men than for women. According to this survey, one in five men said they experienced “love at first sight”, whereas, for women it was only one in 10.

Click to Find Out – How Does Speed Dating Work?

  1. Present Your Best Self

Along with dressing attractively, make sure you are putting off positive, approachable energy. Even if you had the worst day at work or you’re not feeling at your best, it’s time to shake it off, smile and get ready to turn some heads. If it helps, give yourself a quick pep talk before going in. You’ve got this!

Also, you’ll want to ask the best questions for speed dating. This isn’t an interview, so don’t treat your interaction like an interrogation.

Presenting your best self means playing to your strengths. In other words, you want to highlight the most attractive parts of your personality. If you’re funny, for example, don’t be afraid to show off your sense of humor with witty, playful responses. Being bold enough to tease and make jokes also conveys confidence, which is the most attractive trait among both men and women.

If you like the man you’re talking to and want to let him know you’re interested, maintain eye contact and lean in your body towards him. Men aren’t mind readers, so it’s always good to let them know when they are on the right track with non-verbal cues.

In fact, did you know non-verbal communication (tone of voice and body language) accounts for 93 percent of communication? According to a study published in the Journal of Consulting Psychology, communication is 7 percent verbal, 38 percent vocal (tone of voice) and 55 percent visual (body language). To put it simply, it’s not what you say but how you say it.

Phoenix speed dating questions

In a study of 40 speed dates with heterosexual men and women, researchers found speed dating couples were more likely to want to see each other again if they had a similar language style.

“The more you use this group of words, called function words, similarly, the more you like each other,” says Molly Ireland, psychologist at Texas Tech University and lead researcher of the study. “When two people are matching each other’s use of, say, personal pronouns and articles, that means that they are on the same wavelength in terms of how they are connecting their thoughts and how they are thinking about the situation,” Ireland explains.

How to Win at Phoenix Speed Dating

  1. Stay Calm and Relaxed

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed, you are overthinking. Speed dating is supposed to be fun so don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

That being said, if you want to connect with others in a meaningful way, you have to come across as open and relaxed. If you’re nervous and uptight, chances are the people you interact with will feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Think about it this way: What’s the worse thing that can happen? You don’t meet anyone you’re interested in. But on the plus side, you were proactive, put yourself out there, and met some new people. In reality, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

And here’s something else to consider: In reality, there’s no reason you should be nervous. These people are strangers, so why do you care about their opinion of you? Plus, while you are busy focusing on how these people are judging you, you’re forgetting something even more important: What do you think of them? Does he or she possess the qualities you’re looking for in a partner? The bottom line: Be confident in who you are, stop focusing so much on impressing others, and focus on finding ways to connect.

 

  1. Avoid TMI

To all the ramblers reading this, please remind yourself to hit the pause button during your conversations. Don’t give away too much too soon.

Trust me, this man or woman  doesn’t care about the latest office gossip or the painful breakup you had the week before. In his mind, all he’s thinking is “drama queen”. or to her “He’s not emotionally available”.

Even if you can’t think of anything to talk about, don’t resort to gossip and venting about past relationships. This is not the time or place. If you want this man to see you as a potential partner, you have to demonstrate you’re classy and kind-hearted.

So, what are good topics of conversation? There are two key points: keep it light and put the focus on the other person. People love to talk about themselves. Actively listen and reply thoughtfully when you can relate to what the other person is saying. Ironically, the best conversationalists are often those who say the least.

Here are some examples of talking points and best questions for speed dating:

  1. “I bet you’d be fun to do ____ with.”

For example, if the guy you are talking to says he loves football, you can reply with “I bet you’d be fun to go to a game with.” By saying this you are acknowledging his passion, while also planting the idea of a future date in his mind.

 

  1. “I LOVE the movie ____ that just came out. Have you seen it?”

This type of language expresses confidence and certainty. Even if he doesn’t agree with you, speaking with conviction and passion is attractive. You can spark a fun debate, and enjoy a bit of banter back and forth.

 

  1. “I can’t believe you don’t like country music! Guess we can’t be friends anymore.”

When you learn the art of teasing, this will take your flirting skills to the next level. This one line shows you’re playful and fun, while also building a little tension between you.

 

  1. “Can you please not wear that cologne/perfume? You’re not playing fair.”

Now, with this question facial expression and tone is everything. This is meant to be flattering and complimentary. It communicates you are attracted to him or her and by being sarcastic, you’re already building tension – a key component of attraction.

 

Think of these questions as a trailer for the movie that is you. Are you leaving them wanting more?

 

  1. Don’t drink too much

You know your limits. When you are drinking at a Phoenix speed dating event (stay tuned for more information on events to attend), you always want to make sure you’re in control of your behavior.

Getting drunk is not a sexy look on anyone. You don’t want to come across as obnoxious, inappropriate or worse, wind up having a one-night stand with someone who could have been a long-term partner.

Have a good time, but remember to be responsible. You don’t want to end up saying or doing something that you will regret later.

 

  1. Reset yourself before each new interaction

If the last guy you spoke with was an arrogant jerk, don’t let that negativity seep into your conversation with the next one. Take a moment to process it, recharge your batteries, and move forward.

This also applies to positive interactions. If you met someone you found exciting and interesting, don’t shut yourself off to new potential matches. Remember, you don’t actually know any of these people.

Also, keep in mind conversations only last between five and eight minutes so you have a short period of time to make an impact. As I mentioned above, the best questions in speed dating are simple and light-hearted – nothing too serious, personal or controversial.

 

  1. Stay positive

Dating is as much about mindset as it is about action. Negative thoughts will lead to negative results. Stay optimistic about your love life and while you’re on this journey, focus on being the kind of person you want to date. Like attracts like, so if you’re looking for someone intelligent and interesting who lives a life filled with passion and purpose, make sure you are bringing all of those things to the table.

Most importantly, always be taking positive action toward improving your circumstances.  When you pair positivity with patience and persistence, you will find happiness and fulfillment in your dating life.

Create the type of lifestyle that’s conducive to meeting people, and you will not only enhance your dating life, but you will enhance your life in general.

These tips can be used if you’re trying speed dating in Phoenix or speed dating anywhere. Try a few events and try a few new techniques. See what feels right for you.

If you’re looking for a personalized way to meet the right one, contact me. Find out if using a Matchmaker is right for you.

Is Joann Cohen the Best Matchmaker?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Casting All Singles – Top Five Ways to Find the Best Phoenix Single Events

find phoenix singles events - top ways

Sometimes the Hardest Part About Finding Love is

Knowing Where to Find It

For singles with a full schedule and limited resources to meet outside their social circle, it can become frustrating to look for a new partner. Then, even once you do meet someone, how are you to know if they are likewise looking to make a connection? That can make the process of finding the best Phoenix single events overwhelming!

If the entire process is a huge turnoff, it is time to turn your search around. There is a way to meet singles who are also looking to find someone to spend their time with, and who have their heart open to finding love. You just need to know where to find them. This is a list of the top five ways to find the best single events in Phoenix, tonight or any night.

There is NO One-Size-Fits All Single’s Event Site

There are other resources besides Tinder (where there is no real connection besides a swipe). You can meet up with other singles in your area and get to know them in-person while sharing similar interests. After all, to be successful in finding a mate, you are better off meeting someone while doing what you like to do. Then, right off the bat, you know you have something in common. So, choose an event that goes along with your tastes, and you just might find the right one with similar interests.

Top five ways to find phoenix singles events

Meetup

Meetup is a way to find events for Phoenix singles looking to “meetup”. It is a great resource because you can choose an event based specifically around what you like to do. Instead of other dating apps where you are looking through profiles to find someone that “looks” like they could be the one. With Meetup, you can look through events that you think would be fun. That way, you focus on getting out there and meeting people, not just locating “the one”.

My suggestion, when using Meetup, is to make sure that you have selected the right age group. If you try to go with a younger group, it might be more difficult to make a match. And you might end up feeling out of your element. If you go with a group that is older, you might not find much in common with others that you meet.

Meetup isn’t purely about Phoenix singles finding singles. It is more about meeting up to share common interests and to have a good time. So, don’t limit yourself just to the singles groups on the site. Find an interesting event and try it out. Just because an event isn’t specifically designed for Phoenix singles, that doesn’t mean that it won’t have a ton of them.

Most of the people who use Meetup do so because they want to make a connection with others. And most often that spells singles. So broaden your horizons and make the goal to meet new people and have an excellent time your objective, instead of chasing love.

 

Find the Best Phoenix Single Events

 

If you put yourself out there and attend events, not only can you find someone that is your perfect match, you just might discover that being single can be fun! When you are surrounded by other people who are sharing common interests; it can be just as fun as being in a relationship. That way, you might find security in being on your own, and anyone you meet going forward will be a welcomed addition to your life.

 

top five ways to find Phoenix Singles Events
Eventbrite

Eventbrite is an excellent tool for anyone who is looking for something to do during the week or on the weekends. Venues and organizations who have an upcoming event advertise on Eventbrite to get the word out, and sometimes to sell advance tickets. They have everything from concerts to sporting events. But what they also do well is Phoenix singles events.

The forum allows you to specifically target events in Phoenix including “Phoenix singles events,” so that you can narrow your search. On any given night, you can find mega speed dating events, penthouse parties, or holiday-themed singles events like a “Pre-Valentine’s Day singles party”.

There is no shortage of things to do. What Eventbrite has to offer, that other sites don’t, is a whole lot of advertising power. That means that you are more likely to show up to a party that has a lot of people versus other advertised singles events that are a few people standing awkwardly in a room.

The website is extremely easy to use. All you have to do is select a date and pick a category. If you are on a tight budget, you can choose “free single events”. Again, just because you are trying to meet other singles, that doesn’t mean that you have to target only singles events specifically.

Eventbrite has everything from community to sports and fitness events. So, take a yoga class, go for a hike, or go mountain biking with other Phoenix natives. Even if you don’t meet a perfect match, anytime you make a connection, you have made a connection.

And who knows that connection might have the perfect friend to set you up with. The advantage of going to an event is to get out of the house, have an enjoyable time, and put yourself out there to meet people. And, hopefully, at some point, you will meet the right person to share your life with.

 

Facebook

where to find best singles events in phoenix

Even though many naysayers love to proclaim that Facebook is no longer relevant, where do people spend a whole lot of time? Even if you aren’t a big Facebook fan, you have to admit that all that you need to find out about your friends or your community can be found on the pages of a Facebook feed. So where better to find the top five Phoenix singles events?

A lot of people know that you can find a job, sell your old stuff, and read the news on Facebook. But they aren’t aware that Facebook is a great place to find single events in the Phoenix area.

It continues to be a great source for Phoenix singles looking for community events, whether they are singles only or events of interest to everyone. If you click to the left side on your home page where it says “events,” you can see a list of what is going on in the Phoenix area!

And not only can you see the best singles events in the Phoenix area; you can see how many people are going and who is going to attend. Facebook makes the invite list visible so you can decide if it is something you want to check out.

If you want to do a little investigating, there is no shame in perusing the social media sites of those who have already “RSVPd”. Although some of Eventbrite events will tell you the participation limit, they don’t give out the information about who is attending. So if you want to see who is going to be there before you get all dressed up and waste your money going to something, Facebook is an excellent place to scout out who you will likely meet.

 

Find the Best Phoenix Single Events

Five top ways to meet phoenix singles

Amazing Singles

If you are past the Tinder stage and age in life, then the Amazing Singles site might be a perfect choice for you to find the best singles events in Phoenix. There are a ton of events posted on Amazing Singles. And just like the name applies, the site is for singles who are looking to meet other singles.

The website is divided into categories like local and key events, speed dating, and Arizona Adventurers. This gives you a general sense of what the event will be like before you sign up or show up.

If you are a wine lover, attend one of the many local wine events. Or if golf is your passion, you just might meet someone to be passionate about while playing 18-holes. And the pre-dating events are a great way to get your feet wet without plunging in too quickly!

Amazing Singles is the perfect event site for busy professionals who aren’t into the dating scene, really aren’t into bars, and are past the whole “dating game”. If you are a bit too mature for Bumble, then Amazing Singles is an excellent resource. It takes the mystery out of discovering things to do and finding other people with whom you have things in common. There is even a category for singles with children who are trying to navigate the whole “dating with kids” complication.

 

Phoenix New Times

For Phoenix singles in their 20s and 30s who are looking to do something fun, Phoenix New Times is a fantastic source to find events. You can subscribe to their newsletter, so instead of checking the website all the time, you can get updates about the upcoming events sent right to you. Phoenix New Times is not just an event calendar for singles; it has all of the popular events around Phoenix. You can find something you are interested in and meet up with people your age.

Whether they are single or not, you get to have a great time and see some cool bands, art or enjoy delicious food! The Phoenix New Times has a list of the coolest things going on around Arizona. All you have to do is choose the one that speaks to you, go, and hopefully make a match.

Sometimes the hardest part about putting yourself out there to find love is knowing where to go to find it. Instead of doing the same old thing weekend after weekend, this weekend, choose an event that you are interested in and do something outside the ordinary. The best way to make a lasting connection is to find someone who has similar interests. Therefore, if you do what you love, and are lucky enough to meet a match, you already have something in common. The couple who plays together is more likely to stay together.

The more places you go, the more people you meet, the more probable it is that you are going to find the right person. And in the meantime, you can enjoy being single and spending time with the most important person in your life, you. Check out all the great singles events that are going on all around you using these top five ways to find the best singles events in Phoenix today. Try to focus less on finding the “one” and focus more on finding fun.

When you stop focusing on meeting someone and the anxiety that can come from it, you can be more “you”. And since the best time to meet the right person is when you are being genuine and just living in the moment, things will just “click”. And if you don’t find Mr. or Mrs. Right at one event, there is always the next!

If you find it difficult to attend Phoenix Singles events due to a busy work or social calendar, then my matchmaking may be a perfect fit.

I match singles using both 21st Century Technology AND Old School Matchmaking

This is a personal approach to allow singles to not waste time – but to meet compatible singles. Using a personal and targeted approach, you will a have a greater chance of discovering love!

Learn more about Joann Cohen Matchmaking.

Speed Dating in Phoenix

Speed dating in phoeinix

With the rise of technology, there’s no denying the dating scene is changing. In today’s day and age, you can literally find love at your fingertips – and while dating apps and online courtship has its advantages, there’s nothing wrong with incorporating a more traditional approach as well. Speed dating in Phoenix, for example, is a dating practice that been around for a long time. To all the singles reading this, keep in mind this advice can be used for speed dating anywhere.

Ask yourself: During a typical week, how many new people do you meet? If you’re like the vast majority, the answer is probably slim to none. Unless you have the type of job where you travel and network on a regular basis, most of us have a similar routine and see the same faces day in and day out.

If you’re looking to meet new people, but feel like you can’t find time in your schedule, speed dating in Phoenix is a great opportunity to socialize and practice your dating skills.

Are you a woman new to the dating scene? Don’t worry, speed dating events are a wonderful way to dip your toe in.

Are you a man who is anxious talking to women? Even if you tend to get nervous, this is a safe environment to practice thinking on your feet.

how does speed dating in phoenix work

 How Speed Dating Works

While there are slight variations in venues, nearly all speed dating events involve a rotation format. Every five to eight minutes, you move from one participant to the next. All about efficiency, this type of dating allows you to meet many people in a short period of time. On average, you will typically meet between 6 and 12 other singles.

At the end of the event, participants fill out a form to note who they want to see again. Event planners match those who express a mutual interest and facilitate an exchange of contact information.

That being said, speed dating is not a one-size-fits-all approach. If you’re contemplating whether speed dating is for you, here are some of the pros and cons.

The Pros

 Good way to practice

First dates can be nerve-wracking. You stand in front of the mirror after trying on ten different outfits. Your heart begins to race and you think to yourself, Oh no, it’s been so long since I’ve been on a date. What if it’s awkward? I hope he finds me attractive. I hope we hit it off.

Do you know the real reason so many people are anxious during first dates? They are so worried about impressing their date and put the spotlight on themselves. They don’t stop to ask themselves, “Do I actually like this person?”

Although it seems counterintuitive, the secret to making a great first impression is to stop trying so hard to impress. Instead, focus more on getting to know the other person. People love to talk about things that interest them, and as soon as they say something you can relate to, then you can chime in. With this approach, you are more likely to create meaningful connections.

Efficient

Speed dating is centered around the concept that dating is a numbers game. And in this game speed is of the essence. The more people you meet, the higher your chances of finding that special someone. Attending a speed dating event puts you in an environment where you meet a large number of single people in a short period of time.

Nothing is worse than going on a bad date, a date that feels like it’s dragging on forever. You’ve been coming up your escape plan since you arrived and counting down the minutes until it’s over. With speed dating, on the other hand, you get to escape quickly if there’s no connection. No hurt feelings, on to the next one!

Phoenix Speed Dating

 Safe and fun environment

Speed dating in Phoenix often takes place at a club or bar – the type of social setting to help you feel relaxed and comfortable. When you arrive, you will get a name tag and all the details are handled for you so there’s no need to worry about where to sit, who to talk to, or anything along those lines.

At these events you’re able to enjoy a fun night out with friends (yes, you can bring friends!) and have the added benefit of knowing you’re surrounded by singles. Unlike a typical night out, you don’t have to worry about sorting through those who are married and unavailable.

Since everyone has the same agenda, this enables you to skip past the awkward pick-up lines and get straight to the point.

speed dating in phoenix

The Cons

 Not specialized

The majority of speed dating events are focused on age and location. As we all know, when it comes to dating, there are many other factors that come into play: interests, religious beliefs, views on marriage and children, and so on.

Matchmaking, on the other hand, is more personalized. I match people based on my individual meetings with the goal of introducing people who are more compatible. Sourcing men and women at events is needed, it’s not enough in today’s world. As a matchmaker, I understand the importance of using online sourcing techniques to find the best potential matches for my clients. Finding love in today’s day and age can be a challenge, so why not give yourself the best possible chance for success?

Looking for the best Phoenix matchmaker? If matchmaking if something you’re interested in, you’ll want to find a matchmaker who is locally based, someone who want waste your time and someone who understands the type of person you want to meet.

There’s More Competition

Unfortunately, more people means more competition. If you find someone you’re interested in, it can be hard to get excited since that person spoke with 6 to 12 other people.

This is also the downside of online dating. It’s hard to open up to someone when you aren’t sure how many people they are currently seeing and you’re unsure where you stand.

Phoenix Speed Dating

 

 Not Enough Time to Get to Know Someone (if you’re interested)

If you meet someone who sparks your interest, it’s disappointing when you have to move along to the next person. A few minutes isn’t enough time to get to know someone, which means someone’s opinion of you can be based on superficial reasons rather than true chemistry and compatibility.

Is Speed Dating Right For You?

See how many you check off on this list:

  • You haven’t gone on a date in a while, and want to practice to build up your confidence
  • You want to meet as many people in the least amount of time as possible
  • You’re burnt out with online dating and want to start meeting people face-to-face
  • You’ve been neglecting your love life and want to start being more proactive

Tips – Get the Most Out of Your Phoenix Speed Dating Experience

  1. Be present

Whether or not you’re interested in someone, enjoy the experience for what it is. Don’t plan what you’re going to say beforehand. Conversations shouldn’t be forced (plus people will be able to tell if you have a rehearsed speech).

  1. Keep it light

You only have a few minutes to make a great first impression. Stay positive, avoid any serious subjects and don’t treat the interaction like an interview. Think of this as an opportunity to showcase the attractive parts of your personality. If you’re funny and playful, show off that side.

Speed dating is supposed to be fun! If you find someone attractive, don’t start fantasizing about your wedding and future kids’ names.

  1. Ask about their interests

Skip the surface-level small talk. It’s not enjoyable for anyone.

You want people to feel comfortable enough to open up to you. The fastest way to connect with someone is to get them talking about something they are knowledgeable and passionate about. Ironically, the key to being an excellent conversationalist is getting the other person to talk more so they feel heard and understood.

 

  1. Make sure your body language sends the right message

Do you know how to use body language on a date? Even if you’re nervous, you want to appear sexy and confident.

For example, if you are aren’t meeting his gaze and your arms are folded across your chest, you are sending the message that you’re closed off, unapproachable and worst of all, uninterested.

Men aren’t mind readers! Always be direct and remember actions speak louder than words.

 

  1. Relax!

Don’t let your nerves take over. Remember that the people you are meeting are probably just as uncomfortable and anxious as you are. Take a deep breath, relax and enjoy yourself. You’re a catch and have a lot to offer – don’t forget that!

 

 

Is Phoenix matchmaking right for you?

Is Matchmaking Right for You?

 

  • You’re socially comfortable and find it easy to meet new people
  • You’re looking for a life partner – someone who shares your values and life goals
  • You have a busy work schedule. From selection, screening and scheduling dates, you just want to show up and have fun.
  • You won’t waste time and money with singles that have financial and mental issues.

 

Ready to get started? If you’re in the Phoenix area and looking to take your love life to the next level, contact me today for a consultation.

How to Text a Guy You Like

Top Matchmaker How to text a guy you like

Let’s face it: In today’s day and age, most of our communication is happening via text. When it comes to dating, texting can be a valuable tool but also your worst enemy. It all depends how you use it, and knowing how to text a guy you like can either make or break your connection. Texting is its own language, and we’re not all fluent!

The sad truth is many relationships never get off the ground due to a misunderstanding over text. What does his text mean? Oh no, he answered in three hours. He must not like me anymore.

Okay, let’s hit the pause button. Stop with the overanalyzing and endless worrying. This is the type of thinking that is wreaking havoc in your dating life. Texting is a skill, and one that can be strengthened with practice.

To communicate effectively, it’s important to understand texting etiquette. Here are eight tips to bring your texting game to the next level:

  1. Show more certainty

Confidence is sexy. Get straight to the point. For example, instead of texting “What are you up to tonight?” write, “Hey, I’m going to happy hour with some friends after work. You should join!” This communicates two things: first, it shows you have a fun life and second, it shows you are self-assured.

Another example is if he’s trying to fit you into his schedule, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’d rather meet up when you have more time (smile face).” In other words, you prefer to be contacted sooner and if he wants to make plans with you he has to put in more effort. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.

When you come from an authentic place, you give others permission to do the same. In dating, many people have their guard up, but if you demonstrate that you are open and honest, you will create deeper, more meaningful connections.

How to Text a Guy You Like

  1. Don’t overdo it

Patience is a virtue, ladies. If you’re texting a guy during the day and he hasn’t answered for a few hours, don’t go into panic mode and start sending follow up texts. This will make you appear insecure and needy. He’s working so don’t assume he is ignoring you. When he has time later he will respond. And if he doesn’t, well, then he wasn’t worth your time anyway.

Knowing when to text is just as important as what to text a guy you like.

In one study conducted by Match.com, researchers explored common texting mistakes, looking at grammar, emoji use and what habits annoy people most.

Here’s what they found:

  • 63 percent of participants said they would prefer to receive one thoughtful message a day rather than tons of meaningless messages
  • 34 percent of people said selfies are a turn off
  • The biggest turn off: Only replying to one question if your date has asked several questions

While texting, it’s natural to get swept up in the thrill of meeting someone new. However, it’s important to put some thought into your messages in order to lock in that second date. The first post-date text exchange is about keeping the momentum going – letting each other know you had a good time, and are looking forward to date number two.

The bottom line: Be mindful of what you say and how you say it. Decrease the likelihood of miscommunication by making sure the tone you want to convey is clear.

  1. Don’t play hard to get

On the flipside, texting too little will send the wrong signal. Make no mistake, men are aware when you are playing games. When a man senses you are manipulating him – whether it’s always waiting for him to text you first or taking a certain amount of time to answer his texts, he will be turned off. If you want to date someone emotionally mature, make sure you reflect that in your behavior as well.

With texting, it’s about striking the right balance. As time passes, you will get into a groove and get used to each other’s texting patterns. In fact, studies show similarities in texting habits are associated with greater overall relationship satisfaction.

top rated arizona matchmaker how to text a guy you like

  1. Give value

“Hey what’s up?” is the equivalent of “Hey, I’m boring”.

Whether it’s a funny photo, a flirty message, the point is to show you are fun and interesting.

Here are several examples of how to text the guy you like:

  • “I have the best story to tell you later.” This builds anticipation. Texting should be the prelude to an interesting conversation.
  • “You have no idea what’s going through my mind right now (wink face emoji)”. This creates sexual tension.
  • [Funny meme] “Reminded me of you” (laughing face emoji) This shows you have a sense of humor.

How to Text a Guy You Like

  1. Punctuate with purpose

It’s amazing what a difference punctuation can make in a text. For instance, “You’ve got to be kidding me” and “You’ve got to be kidding me!” has two completely different meanings. Whether it was intentional or not, the first one is flat and communicates that you’re angry. The second one is lighthearted and can be taken as more sarcastic and joking.

Which brings me to my next point…

  1. Know when to use emojis

When used properly, emojis can take your texting conversation to an entirely different level. Since you aren’t able to hear the tone of voice via text, emoijs can help express the underlying meaning of what you’re saying.

Similar to punctuation, emojis can completely change the meaning of a text. Let’s say the guy you’ve been seeing is hot and cold with texting. He sends you a text with a long list of reasons when he has been MIA. So, here’s what you can say: “It’s all good! Have a great week (smiley face).”

This response shows you are classy and his lack of effort isn’t bringing you down. You’re living your life and if he doesn’t want to be a part of it, that’s his loss.

Another example of using emojis could be, “Can’t wait to see you later (wink face).” The wink face adds an element of flirtation.

The Match.com study found the top five most off putting emojis are the horny devil, the bicep, the stick out tongue with the wink face, the aubergine and the poo face. 26 percent of people said they found the poo emoji “off-putting” (no surprise there).

The top five emojis for flirting include the blowing kiss face, the love heart eyes, the lip kiss, the winking face, and the stick-out tongue wink face.

how to text a guy you like

  1. Avoid having serious talks over text

Even if you apply all the tips above, texting still leaves a ton of room for miscommunication. Don’t send a lengthy text about your feelings. If the conversation is important, communicating face to face is always the best course of action.

In fact, too much texting can damage your connection. According to a report published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, texting to apologize or sort out problems is linked to lower relationship quality for women. Interestingly for men, texting too often is linked to lower relationship quality.

So, if you have something important to say, say it in person or don’t say it at all.

  1. Focus on making plans and be specific

In the early stages of dating, your texts should mainly be focused around making plans. While it’s exciting that the guy you like is texting you so often, it could ultimately end up doing more harm than good. This is especially true with online dating.

If you’re sharing too much information early on via text, this can make things award in person. You may feel like you’ve already established an emotional connection, but this is just texting chemistry. This may not translate to face-to-face physical chemistry.

Whenever possible, do your best to try and steer the conversation in the direction of planning a date. For example, if you’re joking about how you both go to sleep early during the week, you can say something flirty like, “Well I think you can make an exception for me (wink face).”

With texting, it’s easy to come across as vague even when you’re interested. Eliminate the constant back and forth. Rather than “Let’s do something this week!” offer suggestions and dates/times you’re free. Direct is always the best approach.

If you wait too long to meet up, research shows the spark will fizzle out.

Comedian Aziz Ansari writes about this in his book Modern Romance, calling it “the secretary problem.” Ansari worked with Dr. Eric Klinenberg, Professor of Sociology at New York University, studying hundreds of focus groups to learn more about dating in the digital age. They found that when couples spent too much time scheduling a date they became disinterested and more often than not, the meetup never happens.

If you’re looking for dating advice, don’t hesitate to reach out! Save time meeting quality singles and check out my matchmaking services.

 

10 Phrases to Avoid in Your Online Dating Profile

This is a guest post from expert Erika Ettin. She is THE Top Virtual Dating Assistant  and Online Dating Expert.   Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, the preeminent online dating coach in the US, and “the new voice of online dating.” A Little Nudge has been profiled on NPR, the Washington Post, WUSA9, and AskMen.com. Erika is also JDate’s leading expert, has been a featured columnist on Philly.com, and her weekly column syndicated through the Chicago Tribune. Here’s the her advice about the phrases to avoid in your online dating profile.

Depending on how long you’ve been online dating, you can probably relate to the déjà-vu you feel when you’re reading virtually the same profile day in and day out. Somehow, everyone is apparently going from little black dresses to jeans in 20 seconds or less and enjoys both relaxing at home and going out. What does this really tell us, though? Considering that it’s impossible for any of us to be exact physical replicas, why is it that every profile seems to use the same clichés as the last one?

Let’s take a peek at Phrases to Avoid in Your Online Dating Profile:

  1. I’m just as comfortable in a fancy dress (or tux for the gentlemen) as I am in jeans and flip flops.

This line is an attempt to show that you’re flexible and multi-faceted. Most people get the message. Rather than discuss your clothing preferences and what they imply about you, why don’t you just talk about the things you like to do? We can learn a lot more about you if you mention that you prefer a football game over a visit to an art gallery, regardless of what you’re hypothetically wearing.

 Phrases to Avoid in Your Online Dating Profile

  1. I like to laugh and have fun.

Well, I hope this is true! The point is that, unless you like to frown and mope around all day (which I also wouldn’t write), this line could be true for just about anyone and says nothing specific.

  1. I can’t believe I’m actually on here.

This is a negative commentary on online dating. Others interpret this as, “Only losers look for dates online, so I guess I’m a loser, too.” This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Online dating is a wonderful thing. Either embrace it or refrain from joining an online dating site until you can have a more positive attitude about it.

  1. I love traveling.

 Phrases to Avoid in Your Online Dating Profile

Again, there are few people who don’t love to travel. Instead, tell us more. Do you like to take active road trips across the United States, or do you prefer to lounge on the beach in Cancun? These details say a lot more about you than a generic statement about travel. Same with cooking, being outdoors, and “playing hard.” Tell us what those things mean to you.

Phrases to Avoid in Your Online Dating Profile

  1. On a typical Friday night, I’m just as happy going out on the town as I am curled up on the couch with wine and a movie.

My response to this is similar to the one for the fancy dress/jeans conundrum, with this added advice: Stop trying to attract everyone. While it may seem counterintuitive at first, it’s more important to be the genuine you than the version you think people want to see, or the version that tries to attract every single person on the site. Just be yourself. That way, you know that when someone is interested, it’s because he or she likes what you have to say, not just the fact that you were trying to be inclusive.

  1. My family and friends are important to me.

There’s no need to spell this one out because people already assume that family and friends are important to you, not the contrary. Again, if you want to mention specific people, go right ahead! “I have a great relationship with my grown children,” tells us a lot more than “Family is important to me.”

  1. My friends say that I’m… (insert a list of complimentary adjectives).

 Phrases to Avoid in Your Online Dating Profile

Of course your friends would say all of these great things about you—they’re already your friends! This could also be construed as a way of trying to appear humble, which can backfire in two ways: 1) it can make you appear insecure (do you not think these things about yourself?) or 2) it still sounds like you’re bragging.

Naturally, this brings me to an important point about “empty adjectives.” An empty adjective is a descriptor that can’t be proven until someone gets to know you. For example, I might say that I’m funny, but how would you confirm if that’s true? Maybe some people find me hilarious (usually the ones who love puns and wordplay), but others aren’t amused.

Phrases to Avoid in Your Online Dating Profile

  1. I’m down-to-earth.

This is very subjective, which again characterizes it as an empty adjective.

  1. I love life.

Remember, just because you don’t use the line “I love life” in your profile, does not mean that you hate life instead. It simply gives you space to share the more interesting things that do make your life so great.

  1. I’m looking for a partner in crime.

Unless your name is Bonnie or Clyde, there’s no reason to include this overused cliché.

Now’s your chance: Take some time to review your profile. Are there any of these overused, generic lines in it?  If so, it’s time to hit the delete button, put on your creativity hat, and set yourself apart from the other online dating clones.

Have you made other online dating profile mistakes? Curious to have your profile reviewed?  Check out A Little Nudge to see what they can do for you.

 

Is Your Relationship Anxiety Normal? 8 Things That Might Drive It

Is your Relationship Anxiety normal dating advice

Relationships are supposed to bring us comfort and peace, but they don’t work that way for everyone. If you are experiencing a lot of relationship anxiety, it might be interfering with your ability to have a stable relationship. There are all sorts of things that might be driving your anxious feelings. The key is to find out what is making you feel so off balance, and balance yourself out. You will be amazed at how fulfilling a partnership can be when you stop fearing it.

8 Reasons you Might be Experiencing Relationship Anxiety

#1 You fear rejection. No one wants to be rejected, but for some people, the thought of it is overly anxiety-provoking. If you are someone who holds back in a relationship because you don’t want to get hurt, guess what? 

It isn’t working. You are only creating a lot of undue stress. If you try to protect yourself from being hurt, you never truly let yourself be open to finding love. And, to find love, you have to be vulnerable. If you never let go, you will never experience the true bliss that can come from being in a loving relationship. 

Unfortunately, you have to feel the sting of rejection to feel the acceptance of love. Keep in mind, even if you get hurt, it won’t last forever.

 

Your Past is Holding you Back

#2 You have been hurt in the past. Painful experiences can do a whole lot to damage future ones if you can’t let go of them. I hate to tell you, but there is no way of getting through this life without being hurt. Instead of focusing on how much it hurt when your previous relationship ended, focus on how great it was to feel that initial love. 

No, you will never love someone the way that you did your ex. But, that is not a bad thing. We love everyone who walks into our lives in a different, but no less intense, way. Don’t let pain get in the way of experiencing the pleasure of being in love.

#3 You are conditioned for it. In previous generations, if someone didn’t call, they didn’t call. The new age of technology never allows people to stop thinking about communication and obsessing about it. Whether you are anxious because someone didn’t answer your social post or you are being blue ticked, that continual looking for confirmation is creating the anxiety in you. 

If you find that social media or things like the “read” message on your iPhone are driving you mad, stop the insanity. We are all being conditioned to care about things that we shouldn’t, and it is distracting us from what is really important. Stop looking for signs that things aren’t going well, and focus on what is going right.

 

You are Lacking Confidence

#4 You feel unworthy. If you feel as if you aren’t good enough to be with someone that can be driving your relationship anxiety. Often, when you don’t feel good about who you are, you project those feelings onto other people. 

Not feeling confident can make you a nervous wreck. It can also be pushing your mate away, which only further perpetuates your anxiety. Instead of focusing on how your partner is way too good for you, start to build up your own confidence. 

If you do, you will feel worthy of love and stop being so scared that you aren’t good enough. Perhaps what is driving your relationship anxiety is that you are worried if they discover who you really are, you will lose them. You deserve good things, however. It is time for you to start liking yourself instead of worrying about whether other people like you.

 

Photo by Pixabay at https://www.pexels.com/photo/affection-beautiful-blur-couple-289224/

Your Dating the Wrong Person

 

#5 You’re with the wrong person. There are times when you can be in love with someone, but that doesn’t mean that they are right or good for you. Certain personality types, unfortunately, don’t do so well together, but your heart doesn’t know that. 

If you are a pleaser and your mate tends to be more of a narcissist, that is a recipe for disaster. Your relationship anxiety might be because your mate makes you feel the way you do due to the difference in your personalities. If you’ve never felt the amount of relationship anxiety that you are experiencing right now, then it might be that you are in a relationship with the wrong person. 

It doesn’t necessarily make anyone wrong or not a good person. It is just that oil and water don’t go together, it is that simple. As hard as it is to recognize, your relationship anxiety might not be coming from within, but, instead, created from your communication with your current partner.

 

It is Something More Than Relationship Anxiety

 

#6 You have an underlying anxiety issue. Having relationship anxiety is not uncommon. But, if it is destroying your relationships with people, then it might be more than just a little relationship anxiety. Your anxiety might be a pattern of behaviors that signal something a little more. 

Anxiety disorders can become worse when you are in situations that provoke a large amount of emotion like relationships. If you are feeling anxious all the time and having a hard time finding stability in your relationships, globally, then it might be something you want to examine with a professional. 

There are many ways to overcome anxiety issues. The first step is to acknowledge that it is something a little more than “relationship anxiety,” and to see how it might be affecting all of your relationships, romantic and otherwise.

 

You Fear Being Alone

 

#7 You are afraid to be alone. For some people, being alone can be so fear-provoking that they stay in bad relationships or try to make those that aren’t working, work. It is normal to fear to be alone and lonely, but not at the expense of your happiness. 

If you are so fearful of being single that you aren’t enjoying being with someone because you are continually worried they are going to leave, you might be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is very draining to be with someone who is constantly worried that you are going to leave. If they need to provide you continual reassurance, it is a burden. And that burden will likely become tiresome. 

If you want to reduce relationship anxiety, spend more time getting to know yourself. Find things that you like to do alone. Being alone is way less fear-provoking if you enjoy being with you. It will also make you more attractive to your mate. That attraction will help take away some of the fear of losing them.

 

Your Attachment Style is to Blame

 

#8 You have an insecure attachment style. Your attachment style is formed early on in childhood, usually within the first two years of life. It is the way that you develop intimate relationships with people based on the security that you felt with your caregivers. Unfortunately, the attachment style you develop tends to be long-lasting and hard to distinguish, even if it is nonproductive and driving your relationship anxiety.

If you developed an attachment with your parents that was anxious and non-secure, then it is possible that your attachment style might be causing your relationship anxiety. Growing up, if you didn’t ever feel emotionally safe, it could be driving your inability to get close to others.

For the ambivalent/anxious attachment style, the minute things are good; they sabotage things. It is a way to attach to people can end in a whole lot of stress and failed relationships. The good news is that, whatever your attachment style is, it is possible to find a more secure pattern of behaviors and find security to and extinguish your relationship anxiety.

 

A Little Relationship Anxiety is Normal

Photo by Jasmine Wallace Carter at Pexels https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-blur-bokeh-bright-613321/

But Do Away With it and See How Good You Feel!

 

Relationship anxiety is not uncommon at times in a relationship, but if you find that it is beginning to become obsessive or that it is clouding your happiness, it is time to take a step back. The only way to overcome relationship anxiety is to live in the moment, stop thinking about the past, or what will happen in the future. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to control what is going to happen, you can’t. 

If you can let go of blue ticks, read messages, and all the other peripheral noise in your relationship and focus on the positive, you will slowly see that relationship anxiety slip away. And when it does, the voices will stop and you can finally enjoy just being in love.

Being in a loving relationship is not easy. If you find a way to love yourself, feel confident in who you are, and know that no matter what happens in your partnership, you will always have you, peace will come to you. Take your relationship anxiety by the reins, find out what is driving it and take steps to fix it. That is the only way that you will find a loving a fulfilling relationship forever. 

Contact Joann Cohen Matchmaker today to discuss how to find you an anxiety-free love that will last forever. She also has the dating advice to overcome nonproductive behaviors that might be keeping you single. Joann Cohen’s Arizona dating services include dating coaching, relationship advice and matchmaking.

“Is My Relationship Over?” 12 Telltale Signs

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It is normal in any relationship to wonder at times where it’s going – or if it’s going anywhere at all. We all have those moments where we stop and take stock of what we have and worry that maybe things aren’t headed in the right direction, or whether they could be headed towards a dead end. If you are asking yourself, “Is my relationship over?” here are some telltale signs that might be saying “Yes.”

12 Signs That Answer “Yes” to the Question “Is my Relationship Over?”

Every relationship is different, but if you have that inner voice saying something is off, don’t ignore it. As hard as it can be to let go, if you aren’t happy, you can’t hold on just because it seems easier. You deserve to be in a satisfying and fulfilling relationship. If these signs are indicative of your current relationship, it is neither satisfying nor fulfilling!

#1 A barrier has formed in the middle of the bed. It is normal for your sexual appetite to ebb and flow in a relationship, especially as time passes. After the lust phase is over, things might slow down a bit. 

But if it’s been so long that you feel a barrier forming in the middle of the bed, that is not healthy. A large part of being in a satisfying relationship is physical. If your relationship has turned to “hands-off,” that might indicate that it’s the beginning of the end.

There is a Lack of Communication

2 You barely talk anymore. If your conversation has turned mostly into an awkward silence, then the communication might be breaking down. Couples not only talk about the things they have to, like bills, family, and mundane day-to-day things; they should openly discuss what is happening in each other’s lives and share their experiences. If you barely say “Hello” to each other anymore, then your relationship might be on the way out.

3 You fight about the same things over and over. There are bound to be particular things in your relationship that push each other’s buttons. But if you fight continually about the same thing, never finding resolution or a compromise, that is not the sign of a healthy relationship. 

When you fall in love, you think that you can look past those things that create conflict. As time goes on, however, you start to lose tolerance. And, whatever it was that might have mildly bothered you at the start, over time, might become the straw that breaks the camel’s back. 

If you can’t get off of the fight go-around, it might be time to get off. If you’ve got nothing to talk about but still find time to bicker constantly, that isn’t fulfilling at all.

Resentment is Never Healthy!

4 There is no forgiveness. If you can remember every transgression and can’t let go or forgive, that might answer your question “Is my relationship over?” If they have done something that is so hurtful you can’t get past it, just wanting to forgive isn’t going to change the outcome. 

You can’t base a relationship on resentment and harsh feelings that don’t go away. As much as you might love one another, there are times when things are unforgivable, and it is just time to move on and heal separately.

5 You stop missing them. If you never look forward to seeing your mate or you are relieved when they work late, can’t go out, or have other plans, that is your inner voice telling you that you aren’t happy. Although it is totally okay for people to need some space in a relationship, if all you dream of is more space, it is safe to assume that the relationship isn’t fulfilling. 

 

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The Magic is Gone!

6 When they touch you, it doesn’t feel good. You are bound to lose some of the electricity you had when you were first dating, but if the thought of being touched by your partner sends negative waves down your spine, that is a sign that the magic is over. Signs of affection might dwindle – but if what you feel is repulsion, then it is time to reevaluate your relationship. 

7 You don’t even have the energy to fight. Fighting might not feel good in a relationship, but it is a necessary evil. If you have gotten to the point where you don’t even bother arguing or fighting at all, that means that you just don’t care. 

One of the biggest signs that a relationship is over is indifference. When there isn’t enough passion for having a heated discussion, that might signal that the passion is gone completely. 

8 You fantasize about having a relationship with someone else. Even if you are in a monogamous relationship, there are going to be times when someone turns your head. That is totally natural. 

But if you consistently think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone else, that might be your subconscious telling you that something is amiss. Fantasizing is totally natural and normal. But, dreaming about being with someone else because something is lacking in your current relationship might be a sign that your relationship is over.

There is No “You”

9 You feel invisible. If you feel as if you could completely disappear and your mate wouldn’t notice, that can mean that something is missing. On its own that isn’t necessarily enough to indicate your relationship is over, but it is a sign telling you that you don’t feel valued the way that things are now. When you are in a satisfying relationship, you feel respected, valued, and wanted. If you don’t, what kind of a relationship do you have?

10 You find reasons to stay away. If you start finding reasons to work late or join a club just because you don’t want to go home, that is a sign that there is an uneasiness to your relationship. 

You might be telling yourself that it is no big deal, but if you can’t find comfort in your own home, that is a problem. Likely, it is a nagging feeling that you are avoiding – which might mean you’re trying to ignore the truth. And it might be the answer to your question “Is my relationship over?”

11 You blame each other. If you blame each other for the fact that things aren’t working, that means that no one is taking responsibility or trying to resolve the issues that are hurting the relationship. 

Regardless of why your relationship is struggling, it is never just one person. If you are both unwilling to take ownership for what you are or are not doing, then there is no compromise. That can definitely indicate that your relationship is at an end.

Are you Looking for an Easy way out?

12 You are purposely doing things to push the envelope. If you purposely do things to make your partner mad – like really mad – then somewhere in your subconscious you might be looking for an out. 

Ending a relationship is an extremely difficult thing to do. Stop and consider the possibility that you are trying to force your mate to end the relationship because you can’t come to terms with doing it yourself. 

No one sign in and of itself is enough to make a case that your relationship is over. But if you are asking yourself if it is and you see signs that say “yes,” at minimum it might be time to work on trying to mend whatever you feel is broken. If you are asking this question at all, it might mean that there is something worth saving.

If You’re Relationship is Over…

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Choose to Find Happiness

As hard as it is to admit to yourself, not all relationships are meant to be. Heartbreak is gut-wrenching, but not devastating as being in a relationship for the wrong reasons. If your inner voice is telling you something is wrong, that voice is rarely wrong. 

Giving up on a relationship isn’t really “giving up”. It is choosing to acknowledge that you both deserve to feel satisfied and fulfilled. Staying because it is easier than choosing to move along and find a mate that will make you happy is not fair to you or to the person you are with. If the signs are there that your relationship is over, accept them and choose to make a change to find happiness. 

Once you come out the other end, you will be glad you made the hard call to find someone new. Otherwise, one day you will wake up and realize that you have wasted too much of your time being unhappy.

When you are ready again to find the love of your life, contact Joann Cohen, she is an expert at finding a relationship that will be forever.

Best Dating Apps for Relationships

what are the best dating apps for relationships

It’s that time of night again – swipe time. Time to mentally brace yourself. You pour a glass of wine and take a deep breath. Okay, let’s do this. When it comes to the best dating apps for relationships, you’ve done your research and you’re ready to find the partner of your dreams. You scroll through your messages and sigh – more cheesy pickup lines from shirtless gym guy number 1, 2 and 3. Ugh, come on!

It’s no wonder dating apps get a bad rep. But before you throw in the towel, did you know people who meet online progress faster to marriage than people who meet offline? The reason for this is two-fold:

First, the bigger the dating pool, the more selection you have. The beauty of online dating is that you can gather a lot of useful information about your date before meeting. For example, if having children is important to you and his profile says “no kids”, you don’t need to wait five dates to have an awkward conversation. In the long run, this can save you a great deal of time and energy.

Second, you can talk to your date before meeting to learn more about his or her personality. Pre-date communication (preferably phone call, not text!) speeds up the courtship stage so you will know sooner rather than later if you both click.

If a long-term relationship is what you seek you’re in the right place – you just need to know where to look. Navigating the world of digital dating can be a challenge. While dating apps were designed to make finding love easier, it can be confusing and overwhelming to sort through the wide variety of options available – especially if you’re looking for something long-term. In a search that can seem endless, you’re left asking yourself: What are the best dating apps for relationships? Out of those, which one is a best fit for me? How can I increase my chances of finding someone who is a good match?

Top 5 Best Dating Apps for Relationships

  1. OkCupid

As one of the first dating sites, OkCupid has stood the test of time with a member database that continues to expand. First, users must fill out a detailed profile, which includes your interests, lifestyle, the type of relationship you’re looking for (casual, short-term, serious, and so on). This is used to measure your compatibility against other users so while you’re swiping you see a customized percentage that comes with each user. In other words, when you see 50% you probably have little in common, but when you see 90% – can you hear the church bells ringing?

According to a Consumers Research survey, “roughly 32 percent of OkCupid users ended up in relationships lasting longer than one month, with 20 percent of total users making beyond six months.” This is significantly higher compared to Tinder whose “users reported the least success with ending up in relationships of any duration and trailed the other platforms in terms of longevity, with only 13 percent making it past the one-month mark.”

phoenix dating best dating apps for relationships

  1. Coffee Meets Bagel

If you’re looking for love in 2018, Coffee Meets Bagel is one of the best dating apps for relationships. Unlike Tinder – where the options are endless – the premise of this app is more along the lines: less is more. It seems like common sense that the more matches you have, the easier it will be to find someone, right? Not necessarily. Rather than spending time to carefully read through each profile, you rush through – so many to get through in so little time! This can cause many of us to be unintentionally superficial instead of focusing on what’s truly important: values, beliefs and relationship goals. Not to mention when you’re receiving and sending countless messages each day, the rate of frustration and burnout increases as well.

On Coffee Meets Bagel you receive one match daily that fits your criteria. With one match, you can take the time you need to make an informed decision.

Also, this dating app recently launched a video feature so “it’s like meeting before you meet,” says Dawoon Kang, the COO of Coffee Meets Bagel.

With this free feature, you answer a question of the day. Videos can last up to 8 seconds and disappear when the next question is posted. This can give users a more accurate sense of your energy and personality.

 bumble best dating app for relationships

  1. Bumble

Ladies, this app was specifically designed for you! On Bumble, the tables are turned and women make the first move. After you match with someone, women have 24 hours to message the men to get the conversation going. This is genius for two reasons: first, the 24-hour timer ensures people on this app are checking their matches regularly and are more keen on making connections. This weeds out the guys who swipe for the sake of swiping to boost their ego. (Yes. Sadly, these men exist).

Second, with this app design, women aren’t flooded with messages and have to spend most of their time sorting through nonsense to (hopefully) find a handful of potential suitors. Overall, this creates a better user experience.

That being said, if you have a busy work week or need a break in general, you don’t want to miss out on a potential love connection or offend would-be suitors. This is why Bumble recently added a “Snooze” feature.

“If you’re needing some self-care, you can now set an away message so your matches know you’re not ghosting them,” Bumble wrote.

Talk about a polite dating app!

Top Dating Apps for Relationships – No Matter What Your Age

  1. Hinge

Having recently repositioned itself as a “relationship app”, Hinge is a good fit for people seeking something serious and long-term. Using your Facebook data, this app matches you with people who are mutual friends.

Male users said one of the perks of the app is the fact that it “encourages more socially accountable behavior,” The New York Times reports.

“Hinge cuts through the randomness of Tinder,” said Daniel Matz, a 29-year old New York-based Hinge user. “I can take some comfort that she knows some of the same people I do.”

Also, instead of most apps that require swiping, you directly engage with the user’s profile directly. When you see something you like, you can like or comment as a conversation starter.

For all of these reasons, Hinge is at the top on the list for best dating apps for relationships.

 best dating app for relationships in 2018

  1. Once

As its name suggests, Once gives you one daily match filtered to meet your preferences. Like Bumble, your match expires in 24 hours. While the profile isn’t as detailed as other apps like OkCupid, it does require you to answer a set of questions to find matches.

The best part? Rather than relying on an algorithm – which, let’s face it, can only do so much – professional matchmakers hand pick your matches.

Jean Meyer, CEO of Once explains how the app “combines this real-world magic of meeting someone for the first time, but in a format that people are familiar with. It’s a great mix of traditional and contemporary dating.”

If you prefer quality over quantity, Once may be a good fit for you.

 

Now that we’ve covered the best of the best dating apps for relationships, you can make an informed decision about the one that meets your needs.

Dating apps are certainly one way to go if you’re ready to settle down. But let’s not discount making real life connections – whether it’s through expanding your social circle, joining a running club or photography group, and getting in the habit of saying yes to happy hour with coworkers or a spontaneous road trip with your friends! The bottom line: It’s about having a lifestyle that’s conducive to meeting people, which will inevitably increase your odds of finding love.

When it comes to dating people online or in the real world, the key is to get excited by the journey rather than the outcome.

Dating is as much about your attitude as it is about taking action.

Positive thinking will lead to positive results and the same is true for negative thinking. If you’re patient and maintain an optimistic mindset, you will significantly transform your love life.

Online dating doesn’t have to be scary. It can be exciting…if you choose to see it that way. Look at this as an adventure filled with new people and new places. Just think: the love of your life could be one swipe away. Now, get back out there!

Looking to revamp your profile?  Receive one-on-one coaching and let’s change your love life to the one you truly desire!

Joann Cohen

The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area

Top 10 Ways to Find a Date for Valentine’s Day

Arizona dating Find a Date for Valentine’s Day

This year you don’t want to spend Valentine’s Day by yourself. Maybe you’ve had too many Valentine’s Days alone. Or you just broke up with someone and don’t want to spend Valentine’s Day alone. No fear. Discover how you can Find a Date for Valentine’s Day or any other day.

You just have to be open.

Open to trying things that haven’t worked in the past.

Testing new ideas that make you feel a bit uncomfortable.

So take a deep breath and let’s go!

Top Ten Suggestions to Find a Date for Valentine’s Day

Go Online

Start Swiping
If you want a date for Valentine’s Day, put it on your profile. Put a no pressure, not desperate message that you’d like to spend a casual Valentine’s Day with someone who is funny and interesting. Or if that’s not your style, write that you’re looking for someone who wants to have an Anti-Valentine Day together.

The top dating apps to find the most singles are Tinder or Bumble. Start swiping to find your date.

Find a date for Valentine's day

Online Dating.
Regular online dating is still very popular. And finding a date for Valentine’s day is easier than finding dates other times of the year!

The busiest time for online dating is between December 26 and February 14. Get online when there are more singles seeking someone. There other singles looking for someone just like you to spend Valentine’s Day with.

Go Online to Get Offline

Facebook it.
Love it or hate, seems like everyone is still on Facebook. Including singles – just like you. But how do you meet them?

Plan a party before Valentine’s Day and invite everyone. This doesn’t have to be your home but can be a coffee shop or club. Create an event, invite everyone on your Facebook friend list and ask them to invite all their friends. Just make sure you invite your crush.

Find a Date for Valentine’s Day

Look for Singles Events online.
There are lots of events that cater to singles of all ages. In Arizona, check out New Times for a list of events.

For Book lovers – Changing Hands is having a special event for valentine’s day. This sounds so much like me that I may just have to drop by!

Make Your Own Party on Meetup.
You can create your own meetup group to meet people like you. Meetup is pretty flexible on the types of groups and how you can attend events. If having your own meetup is too much of a commitment – ask a meetup you belong to if you can create an event.

Most meetup organizers get fatigued with planning events. They will welcome someone planning a quality event.

Say Yes.
To that guy your friends have wanted you to meet. To that woman who works with your friend’s wife that you’re being nagged to meet. If you want a date for Valentine’s Day, you don’t want to say no to anyone your friends say yes to.

Hit a Bar.
There are lots of pick up places for singles of all ages in the Phoenix area. For the mature crowd, try Blue Martini before 10PM. After 10, you’ll start seeing a younger group.   For the 30+ singles, you’ve got lot of choices. Claim your spot in the bars at Steak 44, Maestro’s City Hall, or Ocean Club. Just be careful of the gold diggers and 30k Millionaires. If you’re under 35, anything in old town Scottsdale.

Find a Date for Valentine’s Day

Start shopping.
Right now, you don’t want to start cooking everything at home. Check out the pre-made food at Whole Foods and A.J.s. Make sure you hit these grocery stores at lunch and after work when the weary singles are grabbing a meal. If you’re college age- the Safeway in Tempe on Broadway, attracts lots of college aged singles. Check the beer and wine aisles starting Thursdays.

How to find a Date for Valentine's day Arizona matchmaking

Get Your Cup of Joe.
Make time in your schedule to spend some time at a busy coffee shop. Lots of busy entrepreneurs and singles who like coffee shops can be hanging out. Claim a seat and spend some time glancing at your IPAD and seeing who is also taking a break. (jo – how to flirt here). There are a lot of coffee shops to meet singles. The Lux attracts the Encanto type. Kierland Starbucks seems to have a large selection of singles and is well known for singles to meet.

Go to super bowl party.
You’ve probably been invited to a few Super Bowl parties. These can be great occasions. Everyone is yelling, emotions are high and everyone is looking for food. (I obviously don’t get football – so this is how I see what happens). It’s a great way to mingle and meet someone.

Chances are, you don’t like all these ideas on how to find a date for Valentine’s Day. That’s okay. Try one or two.

Whether you want a date for Valentine’s Day or want a partner,  do something. Try something new. Something outside of your usual routine.

If you looking to save time meeting quality singles,  check out my matchmaking

 

Joann Cohen

The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area

Holiday Party Survival Tips for Singles

Holiday Party Survival Tips for Singles for scottsdale dating

‘Tis the season for holiday parties! Seasonal parties are gearing up and are definitely where a lot of the festive spirit can be found…unless you’re a shy single and are haunted by the Ghost of Socially Awkward Holiday Parties Past. Not in a relationship – yet – you need Holiday Party Survival Tips for Singles.

Whether it’s a work party, a block party, a holiday fundraiser or a New Year’s Eve party where you only know the host or hostess, we’ve got some handy holiday Party Survival Tips for Singles tips and tricks. Learn how to navigate the holiday party with confidence and panache. Be your own dating service: you’ll leave every party having made a few new friends (or maybe even having collected a few new phone numbers) — guaranteed.

Join the odd man (or woman) out

See that guy or gal standing awkwardly the punch bowl all by themselves? Maybe their friends are running late or completely bailed on them. Maybe they just arrived and don’t know anyone either. They’ll be relieved when you say hello and warmly ask them how they know the party hosts. Now you both know someone at the party — each other! And when their friends finally arrive, you’ll be introduced more cool new people.

Holiday Party Survival Tips for Singles

Hang by the food table

Most party guests swing by the food table at some time during the party. Stand at the end and engage guests in conversation once they have their food. Ask them what’s delicious and what you should get. Everyone likes to talk about food. Bonus? You’re oh-so-close to the guacamole, deviled eggs and cheese canapes. Yum!

Phoenix singles Holiday Party Survival Tips for Singles

Start slinging drinks

Party hosts can be overwhelmed at their own events. Ask them if they’d like you to be the honorary bartender for the next hour while they greet their guests and mingle. Most hosts and hostesses will be relieved and absolutely take you up on your offer. Pour some wine, mix some simple cocktails and chat with the party-goers in a relaxed way. (Nothing breaks the ice like pouring them a glass of whiskey on the rocks.) Then, when you’re tired of the bar, rejoin the party. You’ll already have talked to many of the guests and will undoubtedly be popular by association.

 

Social ease comes in threes

Do you see two people chatting with each other at a party? Unless you can sense some serious chemistry happening, feel free to interject and introduce yourself. You’re not interrupting — they’re happy to meet you! Why? Because when two people are standing together at a party, they either came together but are too shy to mix and mingle OR they’ve met at the party and don’t know how to escape their conversation to meet other people. You’ve just solved all of your problems with a single “Hello!” Nice work!

 

Look at their feet

Less about meeting people and more about reading body language, if someone’s feet are pointed towards you during a conversation at a party, you can rest assured they’re engaged in the conversation. If their feet are pointing away from you, they’re bored or would rather be talking to someone else. Read the cues and excuse yourself to join another conversation or swing by the refreshments table.

Good luck and party on!

Joann Cohen
The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area

Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?

Scottsdale Matchmaker have you been ghosted

Have you been ghosted or ghosted on someone else?

Have you Been Zombied?

Maybe you have someone who you’ve been dating and they suddenly stop texting and calling. They don’t respond to your messages. Weeks or months later they show back up. Have you been ghosted or Zombied? How do you know?

Ghosting and zombeing.  New names for trends that have gone on for a long time.

No matter what your age or sex – chances are – you’ve been ghosted.

Have you’ve been ghosted?

You’ve dated and calling and texting the other person, and without warning, poof! The other person disappears. No arguments, no communication about being gone – they just vanish.

You’re bewildered. Did you do something? Did something suddenly awful happen to them to stop them from communicating?

What feels so uncomfortable – is you don’t know. You play over and over all your conversations. Did you say something they didn’t like? Were they acting funny or seem withdrawn and you didn’t pick up on it?

You may spend a lot of time talking to your friends trying to figure it out. They’ll tell you a lot of different possible reasons – but you never know for sure.

You’ve been ghosted.

It sucks.

If you knew the reason, you have closure. Okay, he wasn’t into you. She met someone else. But without knowing – it leaves you baffled.

Online dating and dating apps make this easier.

Because you don’t know, or don’t know well, their friends, you can’t ask. You aren’t going to run into them at work, school or the gym. So you’re continually wondering.

Here are the reasons that people ghost.

  1. It’s easy.

There’s no discomfort, thinking, rationalizing or confrontation. Poof!  Nothing to do to stop communication or seeing you.  People may try to justify this by saying they’re busy; it wasn’t serious. But it boils down to you, and your feelings weren’t important.

People who do this want to avoid being uncomfortable, even if they know it’s not how they should handle things.

Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?

 

  1. They’re cowards.

 Don’t want to hurt your feelings.

As lame as this may sound, this is a common reason people say they ghost. They liked you but they lost interest, or there was something that just wouldn’t work for them. So to avoid “hurting your feelings” – they ghost.

I had a client who said that he didn’t want to tell the woman he was dating, that he wasn’t feeling a romantic connection. He said she was an intelligent woman and would know. Perhaps. But that’s not how my matchmaking works. There is communication.

After sending the text, he said it was hard. However, the woman hadn’t been that romantically attracted. She wasn’t in any “crushed”. She thanked him, and they became friends.

  1. They’re afraid of conflict.

Whether a clash would actually happen or they imagine it could occur. Many times I hear that people ghost as they’re concerned that the other person won’t let it go. He’ll want reasons. She’ll try to convince you to give it another try. They’ll be angry. You may not even be into him that much, but he’s afraid of a confrontation. So he’ll find it easier to disappear.

  1. It was a fling.

They had fun, but that’s all they want. Perhaps it was about sex. Or they love being in love but not being in a relationship. It was just fun for them. And now, they’re done.

  1. You were put on the back burner.

They met someone else and wanted to see how that turned out before ending it with you. Or they weren’t really into you but weren’t 100% sure. Perhaps they’re back to the phone – swiping for someone “better.”

Whatever the reason – you’re the backup plan in case they need a date, feel lonely, or the other person doesn’t work out.  You’re someone they plan to get back to sometime – if things don’t work out with others.

If you were ghosted for any of these five reasons, they might show up again.

They come back as a Zombie.

What is Zombeing?

Have you been zombied?

Zombieing is when they’re disappeared and after some time – you get a text. “what’s up?” “how’s everything?”

Or they suddenly start liking your Instagram photo or Facebook posts. They blocked you on Facebook and now send a Friend Request.

You got used to them being out of your life.  And like a zombie, they’ve come back from the dead.

Perhaps you’re confused. And maybe hopeful.

Is he still interested? Was she too busy with work?

Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?

After ghosting you, they now contact to see if you want to get together – again.

Texting and social media make it easy for Zombeing. They can contact you without risk. If you don’t respond well (the way they want) – they’re gone.

If you get a Zombie, what do you do?

Do you start seeing them again?

Before they ghost again or become another zombie, you need to ask yourself.

Why is someone zombeing you? If they ghosted you, why are they back?

He’s Just Not Into You

 

Here are the common reasons someone becomes a zombie.

  1. Texting you fills time.

They may just want attention. Or they’re bored, and texting is an easy way to communicate. In between dates, sitting at the airport by themselves, they send you a quick message. You’re someone to kill time with. If someone texts you, it doesn’t mean they want to be back with you.

  1. You’re a booty call.

It’s easy to text and sees if they can hook up again. Maybe they say they miss you and so on. And it would be easy just to swing by your place that night. You’re expecting commitment. They want something less serious.

Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?

  1. You’re still the backup plan.

You were put on the backburner to see if someone else worked out. And things didn’t work out. Or they’re not sure about that other person. So they contact you to see if they can have someone – just in case they need a date.

  1. They want attention.

Texting and messaging can help some feel less lonely or desired.

I remember being with an attractive woman, Julie, at a bar. She bragged about all the men who wanted to be with her. Julie was cute and fun. It was easy to see why men were attracted to her. She started to show other women and me, how she would get a guy to respond.

Julie hadn’t been in touch for weeks or months and then would text different men. She text flirted Just to show how she could prove how appealing she was. But Julie wasn’t interested.  So why did she do it?

She was showing how desirable she was. I can go into the reasons people do this. Trust me – someone who is comfortable with who they are – don’t do this.  And for the men she contacted?

She showed some interest, and they responded. She zombied them. And she did it several times.

Why Does He Only Text?

  1. They screwed up.

They take responsibility without excuses. That means – talking directly to you explaining what they did and apologize.  They can’t wimp out with texting. They don’t blame anyone else, work, family and so on but take responsibility for their actions.

And then you decide.

If they are sincere and admit they screwed up, MAYBE you want to give them another chance. But before you do, ask yourself –

If this is how they handle things – do you really want them back?

Relationships are hard. To make one last, you have to have good communications skills. Especially when you need to talk when things are tough or uncomfortable. When someone is ghosting, it is a quick way to avoid difficult conversations.

So when someone has ghosted you, – you’ve learned how they will be in a relationship.

We all make mistakes. So maybe they learned a lesson; are truly remorseful. Take responsibility for making a poor choice.

Make sure before let them back in – how will they make sure things are different.

What If they don’t have any good reason about why they ghosted?

They tell you they were busy at work.

They had issues with their family.

They needed to take a break from dating.

They meant to contact you but lost your number.

Their phone was stolen, and they didn’t have the numbers backed up.

If you get some similar lame excuses – don’t take them back.

Because – they’ll do it again.

Because – you deserve better.

You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.

Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?

 

One essential truth that has been proven changeless in my years of matchmaking and dating coaching. If someone wants to be with you, they will. No matter if there are work, family, or school issues. The person who wants you – will stay in contact.

Someone who wants you will find a way to be with you. Because they will do everything they can so they don’t lose you.

Perhaps they can only talk on the phone or text. But they will never ghost you.

So when you get a zombie – you want to think about how they treated you. Don’t pay attention to their words. Reflect on what their behavior was to you.

phoenix matchmaker pay attention to his actions

Is everyone who is ghosting and zombieing bad?

Not usually.

Usually, people who are ghosting and zombieing are just like us. Or they are us.

Maybe you ghosted someone.

You weren’t interested after a few dates. So you didn’t call back. He’d “get the hint.”

You’re ghosting when we go out with a guy a few times but don’t pick up the call or text him back.

Maybe we think the other person knows. Or they should know. We aren’t interested. So you just don’t call her again.

I’ve seen many situations where someone wasn’t interested, and the other person didn’t know.

So pledge. Not to ghost anyone.

Difficult? Yes, it can be.

But if someday you want a relationship that lasts, learn the skills to have difficult conversations. You’ll need to use them when you’re with your partner.

Because when you’re with your one, there will be times when you think he should get it. He ought to know what you want. And he won’t.

Dating is the place to start to practice communication when it’s tough. Practicing now will help you keep the relationship you want in the future.  Often we focus on getting but not Keeping the relationship.

And as I tell my clients and women I work with. It’s a small town. Yes, Phoenix is the 7th largest city in the United States. But it’s almost guaranteed that someday-  we will run into that person that ghosted us, or we ghosted. And imagine –

You ghosted, and that person is part of a group of friends you run into. How do you feel? Not comfortable. You may find an excuse to leave as quickly as possible.

Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?

If they are part of that crowd, you may avoid hanging out with those friends. But imagine you said told them, you didn’t feel a romantic connection.

You run into that person and …. Nothing. Maybe you feel a little funny at first. But you don’t feel guilty. You didn’t ghost. You can talk to them and your friends without feeling lousy. There’s much more freedom because we did the right thing.

A client told me a story of how he ghosted on a woman. He made up an excuse about a sick dog. And then he never contacted her again. A year later he was at an event with his friends.

Who is at the same place?

Yes, the woman he ghosted.

She walked over to him and his friends and said: “Hi Rob, HOW’s YOUR DOG???”. He was embarrassed, and his friends wanted to know about the dog. Because he didn’t have a dog.

He learned his lesson. He told me the story about why he now never ghosts.

Summary:  You’ve learned what Ghosting and Zombieing is. You know the five reasons someone ghosts you. And the reasons they return as a Zombie. And unless they are taking responsibility for their actions and sincerely apologize you don’t want to take them back. Because they will do it again and you deserve better.

You deserve a person who wants to be with you. And will do what it takes to make they don’t lose you.

 

Got Fooled with a Fake Facebook Profile?

Has This Ever Happened to you?

Scottsdale Matchmaker - Fake Facebook Proffile

A female friend contacted me about a man who was a mutual Facebook “friend” named Robert. She said that they had chatted online and every time she asked to get together he would disappear. She wasn’t sure what was going on. Since we are friends, she asked me what I knew about him. I looked at his profile and quickly knew it was a fake Facebook profile. I did the steps below which are outlined in this blog just tell you how I instantly knew it was a fake Facebook profile.

She was interested in Robert. He was very attractive; they had great online conversations about deep topics. She thought she finally found a man in which she felt an emotional connection. When I told her it was a fake profile – she was crushed and felt foolish. She wanted to figure out how and why this happened.

With most of us receiving many friend requests, chances are you have received (and maybe accepted) fake Facebook profile requests. And that’s what happened to her and I. With about 4000 Facebook and sometimes being in a rush, I approve friends without checking them out. And I know better. (Note- Robert and I had over 60 mutual friends, so many of my Facebook friends were also deceived.)

How Many Fake Facebook Profiles Are There?

Lots! Facebook assumes there are over 83 million fake Facebook profiles on Facebook. There are different fake profiles for various reasons. You may have even created a fake profile! Maybe you have one for your dog or your cat or some other pet. There are some cute and funny pet profiles. But Facebook estimates there are over 14 million fake profiles to deceive and exploit people like you..

These fake profiles exist to get your data to steal your identity, or to spam you with ads or to give you a virus that posts on your timeline. Maybe to trick you to give money to them or to play a romantic suitor, just screw in your head. These are the deceivers you want to beware of and delete from your life.

Five Free Fast Steps to discover if it’s a fake Facebook profile.

  1. Read the profile. Does it really say anything? Is there a lot of information? Or is it just a few scattered facts or maybe no facts? Or is it just a beautiful photo? These are signs that it could be a fake profile.
  2. What’s the History? How long have they been on Facebook? Often these fakes show up and disappear quickly. If you see they have just signed on to Facebook – you might have a fake Facebook profile.
  3. How many friends? Check to see how many friends they have. Do they have pictures of themselves with friends? Are their friends in your area or they all around the world? Usually, people have local friends. Not having any friends, pictures of themselves with their friends, or friends who were not in their area, are clues it could be a fake Facebook profile.
  4. Google their picture. Google has a super easy way to upload the photo and search to see if that photo is showing somewhere. Robert, the fake profile, had a photo of an English bodybuilder who was in a newspaper article about steroids. Not Robert who was living in Tempe Arizona. Click to learn how to google a photo. IF you find that photo showing up somewhere else with another name, chances are you have a fake Facebook profile. (You maybe want to do this with a photo of you, to see if anyone else has stolen it to use in some fake profile)
  5. Too Much, Too Soon. The Facebook Friend is flattering too fast. Online Chatting with you, they express a lot of admiration/excessive flattery quickly. They soon tell you how close they feel to you and you are so different than everybody else. The one they have been looking to find. Perhaps tell you tales of past romantic partners who hurt them, but you are different. When someone starts professing affection and love quickly online, you probably have a fake.

These are five easy steps that will help you avoid fake Facebook profiles. And if you do get a fake profile what do you do? First, report them to Facebook as a fake profile. Next, block them. You don’t need to waste time with Fakes.

Play it safe and be fearless online. Facebook is a Fabulous way to connect with friends, meet new friends, or find a romantic partner. Learn Joann’s tips on meeting on Facebook.

If you did fall for a fake profile, don’t beat yourself up. It happens to everybody, and that’s all we’ve learned how to catch bogus profiles. The friend who contacted me is – fabulous, beautiful, smart, and a total great catch. She wasn’t dumb. Just too trusting. Don’t let it happen to you.

Want to learn about how to avoid fake online dating profiles? Look for future dating advice that gives you proven ways to know if your Suitor is real or not.

Joann Cohen
Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix singles,
Scottsdale singles, and singles throughout the Phoenix area

Top 20 Phoenix Date Ideas for Couples

 Tired of Dinner Dates?

Phoenix Date Ideas for Couples

If you are dating for a while or married, sometimes the dinner date can just become too boring. You stare across the table and it seems like you have been doing this every week. This is your Date Night and it is getting boring. Here’s the top 20 Phoenix Date Ideas..

As a Phoenix Matchmaker, I work with my male clients on dating ideas besides always going to dinner. There are plenty of fun dating ideas that are not just dinner and a movie.

Whether you are looking for married dating ideas or single date ideas, here are some ways to get started. Follow these tips on how to make each date night memorable:

1. Shut off the computers and turn off phone: Yes, give 100% of your attention to your partner and whatever you’re doing.

2. Whenever possible do something fun: Something that gets you laughing, your heart racing and brings out the silly part of you. Not only when it be fun, when you’re having fun you tend to associate it with that person. That means, you see your partner as fun.

3. Do something new: Get out of the routine where you are someplace new but you are still talking about kids, work, and family. A new activity that has you talking about that or memories about it. Maybe wandering an antique shop, you will see an old board game you liked to play when you were a kid.

4. Expect not all dates will be fantastic: No matter how much planning and thought you put into a date, sometimes it does not go as expected. The place is not as fun as everyone told you. But that does not make a bad date. Remember in the old days when there were no bad dates because you’re with someone you just liked being with. Bad venues were something to laugh about.

5. Find a subject that you’re both interested in and gab on: If you both love traveling, plan your next adventure. Try and learn about your partner’s interests and hobbies. Talk about new things you want to try.

6. Find a new hobby together: Doing new things together help keep your relationship fresh. If you’re both into cooking, taking cooking class. Or if you like sports – learn tennis, ice skating, golf, etc. Just pick something you both will enjoy trying. This gives you something new to talk about.

Want specific Phoenix date ideas to get started?

Top 20 Phoenix Date Ideas for Couples

1. Put a bunch of date ideas into a jar: As you think of something new, put it in the jar. Then at the beginning of the week, pull an idea.

2. Get out the map: Lay it on the table then where ever a finger lands, that is where you go. If you find somewhere interesting along the way, stop and explore. You usually find something interesting.

3. Take some lessons: Try taking a lesson for a group dance lesson, Art or a cooking class.

4. Find a Meetup meeting for couples: Meetup groups have organizers who plan events. Easy date, your meetup does the date night planning.

5. Amusement park

6. Bowling

7. Go to Improv/ comedy show or take an improv comedy class together: During the week, you can practice on each other.

8. New Spirit: Try a Wine tasting or mixology class.

9. Art walk: You may find your partner has some art tastes that you did not know. May make gift buying easier!

10. Ice skating

More Phoenix Dating Ideas for Couples

11. Kart racing

12. Karaoke

13. Trivia night with teams/bar

14. Volunteer: Working at no kill animal shelters like Lost Our Home work with pets. Or serving food to the homeless, etc. At the holiday time, adopt a Senior or child and go shopping together to find gifts.

15. Photo booths: Have fun getting silly photos.

16. Auctions: Get your number and sometimes you buy or just watch.

17. Rent a “dream car”: Have a night where you drive around in a car you would love to own.

18. Outdoor concerts: It’s cooling down in Phoenix, and this is a great time of the year to go.

19. Google your city: Most cities have a list of offbeat things to see. Make a list and start seeing the unusual things around you.

20. Take an evening cruise: In Phoenix we have Dolly Steamboat which offers scenery and dinner.

This is a short list of date ideas for married couples. Experiment and you will learn more about your partner and your relationship.

Looking for Phoenix date ideas for singles? Click for more Ideas in Phoenix Dating

For more Phoenix Dating Advice from Phoenix’s Top Matchmaker, sign up for my dating advice updates

Joann Cohen 

The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area

Top Dating Apps for Phoenix Singles

phoenix matchmaker - Top Dating Apps for Phoenix Singles

Here’s something you might not expect to hear: I encourage people to try dating apps. Why? Because the top dating apps for Phoenix singles aren’t just for hookups. Lots of singles have met their significant other through these popular dating apps. Several times I’ve called a woman in my database only to hear she met someone on a dating app and they are getting married!

There’s a reason the top dating apps for Phoenix singles are so popular: the process is fast and easy. A profile appears and you quickly decide whether someone is a potential match. You get to skip the weeks of endless emailing only to meet in person and discover they aren’t anything like their profile. The convenience of using a dating app right on your phone is undeniable. Everybody’s heard of Tinder, but there are many more apps out there. Based on my experience as the Phoenix Dating Coach, there are a few that rise above the rest…

The 4 Top Dating Apps for Phoenix Singles to Try

1. Coffee Meets Bagel. This is a great starter dating app. Instead of unlimited matches, you receive one match per day. It slows the process down and takes the pressure off. You are allowed to use in-app “currency” to pursue additional matches. The more information you give the app, the better matches you’ll get.

Great for: Dating app beginners, busy people who can’t devote a ton of time to an app, or singles curious about how dating apps work.

2. Bumble. This app uses a different strategy: the woman has to initiate conversation. Once a mutual “like” has been established, the girl has 24 hours to contact the guy or the match disappears. If a man really likes a woman and wants her to initiate, he can choose to extend the time window by an additional 24 hours.

Great for: People ready to try a different approach to dating apps.

Top Dating Apps for Phoenix Singles

3. Hinge. A slightly more sophisticated dating app, Hinge requires you to login via Facebook. You are then matched only with immediate friends or friends of friends. Preference settings allow you to personalize your wish list to include how far away matches can live, your ideal age range, education level, and more.

Great for: Meeting people you already have mutual friends with.

4. The League. An elite option, The League is a dating app worth being on. Members must apply to get in, and only 20-25% are accepted. Currently, there are over 100,000 people on its waiting list! The app is designed for successful, career-oriented individuals who want to meet people with similar interests. Your profile is created based on your profiles on LinkedIn and Facebook. Any matches you receive expire after 21 days, and members get a “Flakiness Rating” based on how quickly messages are viewed and responded to. This rating is visible to matches, and if you let it get too low, you could get kicked out of the app!

Great for: Singles serious about meeting high-quality matches.

Using any one of these top dating apps for Phoenix singles could be a great way to meet your significant other. My opinion: What do you have to lose? If you’re looking for more personalized assistance, let’s talk about how I can help coach you as you navigate dating.

My TV Interview – Phoenix Matchmaker Joann Cohen Top Dating Apps

 

Joann Cohen 

Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area

How to Love You As Being Perfectly Single

Arizona Matchmaker How to Love You As Being Perfectly Single

 

As a Phoenix Dating Coach, it might seem odd for me to write about how to love you as being perfectly single. But here’s what I’ve learned in my experience as the Scottsdale Matchmaker: you can’t be happy in a relationship until you’re happy with you. I talk to many singles whose only desire is to find a relationship. While there’s nothing wrong with this, many of these singles are wasting away what could be one of the most fun, enjoyable, and fulfilling seasons of their life. Learning how to love you as being perfectly single starts by saying “yes” to this part of the journey in a few different ways…

Say “yes” to things you wouldn’t normally do.
When you’re single, you have the unique privilege of being allowed to be selfish. You aren’t accountable to a significant other. You don’t have kids to look out for. You get to do whatever you want without worrying about what your partner’s friends or family will think. You only have you to focus on. To tell you the truth, this is an amazing time of life to learn, experiment, and expand your horizons beyond your normal comfort zones. Stay out all night, go skinny-dipping in the park, decide on a whim to fly across the country for a long weekend. You may not always have the freedom to do these things; enjoy it while you can! Learning how to love you as being perfectly single frees you from responsibilities and obligations so you can freely explore and develop who you are as a person.

Say “yes” to dating out of type.
Jolt yourself out of the rut of dating only with the long-term in mind. Here’s the thing: there are plenty of amazing people out there you could get along well with, have fun with, and make awesome memories with – that you would never even consider marrying. Being happily single frees you up to date for fun. Now is the time to date the “bad boy” or the “crazy girl.” Give relationships with people you wouldn’t normally go out with a try. Doing so will teach you about the richness of life and humanity. People are diverse, and dating a diverse range of people will increase your tolerance and exposure to new ways of thinking and living. The best part about dating out of type? You’ll eventually stop categorizing people as “relationship material” or “non-relationship material.” You’ll start appreciating people for the sake of who they are rather than their potential as a spouse.

Say “yes” to traveling alone.
So many people have dreams of traveling the world. My advice? Go do it! Don’t wait until you find your “perfect man/woman” to get out and have adventures. Traveling alone, you’ll have to interact with other people and the travel community is a friendly bunch to be around. In strange places with people you’ll probably never see again, let your hair down, so to speak, and see what adventures you encounter. The greatest gift traveling alone gives anyone is a huge boost in CONFIDENCE. You will come home infused with a new sense of boldness and assurance of who you are, something that will make you unbelievably attractive. Changing the scenery and getting outside your comfort zone will give you amazing opportunities to discover how to love you as being perfectly single and explore the boundaries of your identity.

Click for my TV Interview -Being Single

Say “yes” to defining yourself as happy and single, not single and looking.
The 2010 U.S. Census found nearly half of American adults – 100 million – are single, the highest rate in recent history. 61% of those single adults have never been married, and a 2006 survey of singles by the Pew Internet and American Life Project discovered that 55% of never-married singles had zero interest in seeking a romantic partner. These are people who truly fell in love with the single way of life, who say: “Single is who I really am, it really suits me. I’m not against coupling, I choose to be single because it’s the kind of life that’s most meaningful and productive for me.”

Unfortunately, many people searching for happiness think a relationship will fill that void and make them whole. I’m here to tell you it won’t. Happiness is a state dependent on your inner decisions, not your external circumstances. Choose to relish your current status! Even if you do still dream of getting married, learning how to love you as being perfectly single will ultimately make you a better life partner later on. Besides, you might just discover how much you truly enjoy being single and not want to give it up! The best way you can explore how to love you as being perfectly single is by embracing and whole-heartedly saying “YES” to this amazing time of life.

Ladies, to meet other fabulous single women, say yes and attend the Arizona Matchmaker’s Single Divas Event.

Joann Cohen

The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area

Arizona Matchmaker’s Single Divas Event

Single women party phoenix matchmaker

Ladies Night

Arizona Matchmaker Meet Your New BFF
Laughs
Time for You!

This is for ladies only who love to make new friends and have a fabulous time!

Toasted Cork is our next stop. They have great Happy Hour Prices on wine & appetizers.

Plenty of parking on the street as well as valet parking in the back.

When: February 23, 6 to 8 pm
Where: Toasted Cork 4301 N. Civic Center Plaza, Scottsdale, AZ 85251
We have the private room reserved on the right as you enter.
Eventbrite - Arizona Matchmaker’s Single Divas Event
Thank you Toasted Cork for hosting this event!

As an Arizona Matchmaker, I’ve met with hundreds of women. Many want to have more single female friends. This Arizona Matchmaker event is intended for you to meet other fantastic women!

Bring all your single girlfriends for a great Ladies Only event!

Meet the Arizona Matchmaker: I am looking forward to meeting new women at this Arizona Matchmaker Event!

This is a free event to attend (of course you pay for your own drinks and food.) Eventbrite - Arizona Matchmaker’s Single Divas EventRemember to Tip the WaitStaff.

Are You Ready for a Relationship?

Are you ready for a relationship

As the Scottsdale matchmaker, I am connecting single men and women, helping them find lasting, meaningful relationships. I interview singles before carefully matching them. Most  people express their deep desire for a relationship. But before I ever match a person, the first thing I determine is whether or not they are ready for a relationship. Some people think they’re ready when they’re not. Others wonder if they have what it takes when I have no doubt they’ll make an excellent romantic partner for the right person.   Here are five ways to know if you are ready for a relationship:

Are You Ready for a Relationship?

  1. You’re happy with you  I firmly believe that the most important relationship you have is with yourself. If you can’t be happy with you, you won’t be happy with someone else. Learning to feel loved and worthy of love apart from a romantic relationship makes you an excellent partner! I look for men and women who love themselves, flaws and all. (why men like confident women) This kind of self-confidence isn’t rooted in pride, but instead is rooted in an accurate view of your own value and worth. It’s one of the most attractive qualities you can have!
  2. You don’t need anyone to complete you. A healthy relationship is two whole people coming together. If you think of a relationship as two halves completing each other, you’ve got the wrong idea! That’s a sure recipe for dysfunction. Too often, relationships become a distraction people use to avoid being alone. When I meet a man or woman who is truly and genuinely OK being single, I know they’re ready for a relationship because that contentment tells me they truly know and love who they are as an individual.
  3. You’re not carrying baggage. There’s nothing worse than emotional baggage from past relationships that are brought into a new one. Emotional scars from previous relationships or past life experiences will undermine every future relationship you have. It’s tempting to want to look to another person to “save” you from yourself or “heal” you from your wounds. Truthfully, you are the only person capable of resolving those issues in your heart. Emotionally healthy people are ready for a relationship because they have taken the time to deal with their luggage. They keep short accounts and regularly do what they need to in order to care for their inner self.
  4. You’re relationally flexible. Having a long list of relationship “requirements” is a sure sign to me a person is insecure and wants to control their significant other. I know a woman is ready for a relationship when she throws out her mile-long list, or when a man is willing to let her quirks slide without making a big deal over them. None of us are perfect, and there will always be something about your partner you wish was different. A relationally mature person chooses to love and accept their significant other as they are without having unreasonable expectations.
  5. You’re willing to make a change and take a risk. As humans, we tend to get stuck in ruts. We do this in our relationships. Some women repeatedly find themselves in unhealthy relationships with the wrong kind of guy. Some men are so used to their freedoms as a bachelor they find it hard to compromise and change for a relationship. When someone makes it clear they’re willing to make changes in their life, I know that individual is ready for a relationship. Change is always risky, which makes it scary, but finding your soul mate requires a willingness to accept both change and risk.

We are all a work in progress and will always have some areas to work on. Ask yourself these questions to find out “are you ready for a relationship?” If youcan say these five statements truthfully, you are ready for a relationship!

Click more Dating Advice like Are you ready for a relationship?

Joann Cohen

The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area

Is He Ready for a Relationship?

Is he ready for a relationship?

Dear Phoenix Dating Coach,

I am 24 and recently decided to get back into online dating after having my heart broken twice by men I met online. I know online dating works because I’ve met five couples who met online and got married, but it doesn’t seem to work for me. I’ve done online dating off and on for years, but maybe my strategy is all wrong.

I have a bit of a silly question. Is the best strategy to date multiple people at the same time until one commits? In the past I would do something similar but narrow it down to two guys. If I felt more attracted to one man, I would let go of the other and continue pursuit with the one that felt most likely to turn into a relationship.

The only issue is I’ve done that twice and once we’d dated two or three months, the guy I committed to ended up telling me he didn’t want a relationship after all. There are also A TON of military men out there and twice I’ve dated someone who broke things off because they wanted to be single on deployment or because they were planning on eventually getting stationed somewhere else.

I’ve opened my heart to all avenues and I know it’s a matter of time but I’m also a bit discouraged. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Alice

Is He Ready for a Relationship?

Hi Alice,

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your dating strategy.

You could have dated one or ten guys all at once.  Chosen one. And then found out he’s not ready for a long-term relationship.

Here’s what you have to realize. Many men actually aren’t lying when they tell you they want a long-term relationship. In that moment, they genuinely think they do. The issue is they really aren’t ready for marriage and just don’t know it yet. It’s the dating process that reveals this to them.

In general, men will not settle into a long-term relationship until he has a well-established career. They’re hesitant to commit forever until they are in a good financial situation to take care of a woman and eventually a family. It’s usually an instinctual rather than conscious decision. But ultimately it’s a good thing. These are the guys who aren’t trying to be taken care of by a woman.   Instead they want to be the primary provider n the relationship.

Of course, in the online dating world – just like everywhere else – there are men (and women) who are really only interested in having a string of short-term flings. These men are motivated by different factors. Some simply enjoy having their egos stroked by constantly adding to the long list of women they’ve dated. Others have so many options that they are always looking for a “better match” (which isn’t actually better, just new and different). Still others date solely for the purpose of playing the field. (And for the men who find themselves reading this blog, hold off on your angry email! All these statements apply to women online, too).

How Can You Tell If – Is He Ready for a Relationship?

So how do you know whether a man is ready for a relationship? You can’t always know for sure, but there are some “red flags” you can keep your eye out for. Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

What do his actions say? Watch what a man does and don’t solely rely on what he says.

Men can be smooth talkers. Some are adept at saying what they think you want to hear or what they “should” say. Not all men are like this, of course, but the old saying is true: actions do speak louder than words.

What were his past relationships like? You might not be able to get too much detail, but the main thing is finding out if he’s only been in short-term relationships. If he does open up, a huge red flag is if he chose to continue dating someone he knew it wouldn’t work out with. While a man probably isn’t going to outright say a past relationship ended because he wasn’t ready to commit, he might say it was because she was too demanding.

Is He Getting His Life Prepared for a Family?

Look at how vocal he is about your relationship. Little things like putting your status on social media or introducing you to his friends and family really can be accurate indicators of his commitment level. In other words, what you’re looking for is how publicly he is willing to show your relationship and back up his words with actions.

When a man’s actions don’t match the words he speaks – consider that your flashing neon sign. Have an honest conversation about it and be ready to back off.

Another thing to consider is the timing of when your past breakups happened – around the two or three month mark. Often, this is the exact time frame the euphoria of a new relationship is easing off and the reality of a relationship sets in, causing more evaluation for everyone. Around the three-month mark, couples are opening up and beginning to show more of who they really are.

By keeping your eyes open and paying close attention to his actions, I’m confident you’ll be able to avoid noncommittal guys, at least most of the time. It might seem discouraging and hopeless, like you’ll never find a good guy willing to stick it out, but don’t give up just yet. There are men out there who want a lasting connection, are ready for a relationship, and are willing to commit. Keep it up!

If you’re looking to find men who are ready for a relationship,

Check out my free Matchmaking for women.

From the heart,

Joann Cohen
Phoenix Matchmaker

P.S. Men, these same rules apply to women, too!