This is a guest post from expert Erika Ettin. She is THE Top Virtual Dating Assistant and Online Dating Expert. Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, the preeminent online dating coach in the US, and “the new voice of online dating.” A Little Nudge has been profiled on NPR, the Washington Post, WUSA9, and AskMen.com. Erika is also JDate’s leading expert, has been a featured columnist on Philly.com, and her weekly column syndicated through the Chicago Tribune. Here’s the her advice about the phrases to avoid in your online dating profile.
Depending on how long you’ve been online dating, you can probably relate to the déjà-vu you feel when you’re reading virtually the same profile day in and day out. Somehow, everyone is apparently going from little black dresses to jeans in 20 seconds or less and enjoys both relaxing at home and going out. What does this really tell us, though? Considering that it’s impossible for any of us to be exact physical replicas, why is it that every profile seems to use the same clichés as the last one?
Let’s take a peek at Phrases to Avoid in Your Online Dating Profile:
I’m just as comfortable in a fancy dress (or tux for the gentlemen) as I am in jeans and flip flops.
This line is an attempt to show that you’re flexible and multi-faceted. Most people get the message. Rather than discuss your clothing preferences and what they imply about you, why don’t you just talk about the things you like to do? We can learn a lot more about you if you mention that you prefer a football game over a visit to an art gallery, regardless of what you’re hypothetically wearing.
I like to laugh and have fun.
Well, I hope this is true! The point is that, unless you like to frown and mope around all day (which I also wouldn’t write), this line could be true for just about anyone and says nothing specific.
I can’t believe I’m actually on here.
This is a negative commentary on online dating. Others interpret this as, “Only losers look for dates online, so I guess I’m a loser, too.” This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Online dating is a wonderful thing. Either embrace it or refrain from joining an online dating site until you can have a more positive attitude about it.
I love traveling.
Again, there are few people who don’t love to travel. Instead, tell us more. Do you like to take active road trips across the United States, or do you prefer to lounge on the beach in Cancun? These details say a lot more about you than a generic statement about travel. Same with cooking, being outdoors, and “playing hard.” Tell us what those things mean to you.
Phrases to Avoid in Your Online Dating Profile
On a typical Friday night, I’m just as happy going out on the town as I am curled up on the couch with wine and a movie.
My response to this is similar to the one for the fancy dress/jeans conundrum, with this added advice: Stop trying to attract everyone. While it may seem counterintuitive at first, it’s more important to be the genuine you than the version you think people want to see, or the version that tries to attract every single person on the site. Just be yourself. That way, you know that when someone is interested, it’s because he or she likes what you have to say, not just the fact that you were trying to be inclusive.
My family and friends are important to me.
There’s no need to spell this one out because people already assume that family and friends are important to you, not the contrary. Again, if you want to mention specific people, go right ahead! “I have a great relationship with my grown children,” tells us a lot more than “Family is important to me.”
My friends say that I’m… (insert a list of complimentary adjectives).
Of course your friends would say all of these great things about you—they’re already your friends! This could also be construed as a way of trying to appear humble, which can backfire in two ways: 1) it can make you appear insecure (do you not think these things about yourself?) or 2) it still sounds like you’re bragging.
Naturally, this brings me to an important point about “empty adjectives.” An empty adjective is a descriptor that can’t be proven until someone gets to know you. For example, I might say that I’m funny, but how would you confirm if that’s true? Maybe some people find me hilarious (usually the ones who love puns and wordplay), but others aren’t amused.
Phrases to Avoid in Your Online Dating Profile
This is very subjective, which again characterizes it as an empty adjective.
I love life.
Remember, just because you don’t use the line “I love life” in your profile, does not mean that you hate life instead. It simply gives you space to share the more interesting things that do make your life so great.
I’m looking for a partner in crime.
Unless your name is Bonnie or Clyde, there’s no reason to include this overused cliché.
Now’s your chance: Take some time to review your profile. Are there any of these overused, generic lines in it? If so, it’s time to hit the delete button, put on your creativity hat, and set yourself apart from the other online dating clones.
Have you made other online dating profile mistakes? Curious to have your profile reviewed? Check out A Little Nudge to see what they can do for you.
Relationships are supposed to bring us comfort and peace, but they don’t work that way for everyone. If you are experiencing a lot of relationship anxiety, it might be interfering with your ability to have a stable relationship. There are all sorts of things that might be driving your anxious feelings. The key is to find out what is making you feel so off balance, and balance yourself out. You will be amazed at how fulfilling a partnership can be when you stop fearing it.
8 Reasons you Might be Experiencing Relationship Anxiety
#1You fear rejection. No one wants to be rejected, but for some people, the thought of it is overly anxiety-provoking. If you are someone who holds back in a relationship because you don’t want to get hurt, guess what?
It isn’t working. You are only creating a lot of undue stress. If you try to protect yourself from being hurt, you never truly let yourself be open to finding love. And, to find love, you have to be vulnerable. If you never let go, you will never experience the true bliss that can come from being in a loving relationship.
Unfortunately, you have to feel the sting of rejection to feel the acceptance of love. Keep in mind, even if you get hurt, it won’t last forever.
Your Past is Holding you Back
#2 You have been hurt in the past. Painful experiences can do a whole lot to damage future ones if you can’t let go of them. I hate to tell you, but there is no way of getting through this life without being hurt. Instead of focusing on how much it hurt when your previous relationship ended, focus on how great it was to feel that initial love.
No, you will never love someone the way that you did your ex. But, that is not a bad thing. We love everyone who walks into our lives in a different, but no less intense, way. Don’t let pain get in the way of experiencing the pleasure of being in love.
#3 You are conditioned for it. In previous generations, if someone didn’t call, they didn’t call. The new age of technology never allows people to stop thinking about communication and obsessing about it. Whether you are anxious because someone didn’t answer your social post or you are being blue ticked, that continual looking for confirmation is creating the anxiety in you.
If you find that social media or things like the “read” message on your iPhone are driving you mad, stop the insanity. We are all being conditioned to care about things that we shouldn’t, and it is distracting us from what is really important. Stop looking for signs that things aren’t going well, and focus on what is going right.
You are Lacking Confidence
#4 You feel unworthy. If you feel as if you aren’t good enough to be with someone that can be driving your relationship anxiety. Often, when you don’t feel good about who you are, you project those feelings onto other people.
Not feeling confident can make you a nervous wreck. It can also be pushing your mate away, which only further perpetuates your anxiety. Instead of focusing on how your partner is way too good for you, start to build up your own confidence.
If you do, you will feel worthy of love and stop being so scared that you aren’t good enough. Perhaps what is driving your relationship anxiety is that you are worried if they discover who you really are, you will lose them. You deserve good things, however. It is time for you to start liking yourself instead of worrying about whether other people like you.
Your Dating the Wrong Person
#5 You’re with the wrong person. There are times when you can be in love with someone, but that doesn’t mean that they are right or good for you. Certain personality types, unfortunately, don’t do so well together, but your heart doesn’t know that.
If you are a pleaser and your mate tends to be more of a narcissist, that is a recipe for disaster. Your relationship anxiety might be because your mate makes you feel the way you do due to the difference in your personalities. If you’ve never felt the amount of relationship anxiety that you are experiencing right now, then it might be that you are in a relationship with the wrong person.
It doesn’t necessarily make anyone wrong or not a good person. It is just that oil and water don’t go together, it is that simple. As hard as it is to recognize, your relationship anxiety might not be coming from within, but, instead, created from your communication with your current partner.
It is Something More Than Relationship Anxiety
#6 You have an underlying anxiety issue. Having relationship anxiety is not uncommon. But, if it is destroying your relationships with people, then it might be more than just a little relationship anxiety. Your anxiety might be a pattern of behaviors that signal something a little more.
Anxiety disorders can become worse when you are in situations that provoke a large amount of emotion like relationships. If you are feeling anxious all the time and having a hard time finding stability in your relationships, globally, then it might be something you want to examine with a professional.
There are many ways to overcome anxiety issues. The first step is to acknowledge that it is something a little more than “relationship anxiety,” and to see how it might be affecting all of your relationships, romantic and otherwise.
You Fear Being Alone
#7 You are afraid to be alone. For some people, being alone can be so fear-provoking that they stay in bad relationships or try to make those that aren’t working, work. It is normal to fear to be alone and lonely, but not at the expense of your happiness.
If you are so fearful of being single that you aren’t enjoying being with someone because you are continually worried they are going to leave, you might be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is very draining to be with someone who is constantly worried that you are going to leave. If they need to provide you continual reassurance, it is a burden. And that burden will likely become tiresome.
If you want to reduce relationship anxiety, spend more time getting to know yourself. Find things that you like to do alone. Being alone is way less fear-provoking if you enjoy being with you. It will also make you more attractive to your mate. That attraction will help take away some of the fear of losing them.
Your Attachment Style is to Blame
#8 You have an insecure attachment style. Your attachment style is formed early on in childhood, usually within the first two years of life. It is the way that you develop intimate relationships with people based on the security that you felt with your caregivers. Unfortunately, the attachment style you develop tends to be long-lasting and hard to distinguish, even if it is nonproductive and driving your relationship anxiety.
If you developed an attachment with your parents that was anxious and non-secure, then it is possible that your attachment style might be causing your relationship anxiety. Growing up, if you didn’t ever feel emotionally safe, it could be driving your inability to get close to others.
For the ambivalent/anxious attachment style, the minute things are good; they sabotage things. It is a way to attach to people can end in a whole lot of stress and failed relationships. The good news is that, whatever your attachment style is, it is possible to find a more secure pattern of behaviors and find security to and extinguish your relationship anxiety.
A Little Relationship Anxiety is Normal
But Do Away With it and See How Good You Feel!
Relationship anxiety is not uncommon at times in a relationship, but if you find that it is beginning to become obsessive or that it is clouding your happiness, it is time to take a step back. The only way to overcome relationship anxiety is to live in the moment, stop thinking about the past, or what will happen in the future. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to control what is going to happen, you can’t.
If you can let go of blue ticks, read messages, and all the other peripheral noise in your relationship and focus on the positive, you will slowly see that relationship anxiety slip away. And when it does, the voices will stop and you can finally enjoy just being in love.
Being in a loving relationship is not easy. If you find a way to love yourself, feel confident in who you are, and know that no matter what happens in your partnership, you will always have you, peace will come to you. Take your relationship anxiety by the reins, find out what is driving it and take steps to fix it. That is the only way that you will find a loving a fulfilling relationship forever.
Contact Joann Cohen Matchmaker today to discuss how to find you an anxiety-free love that will last forever. She also has the dating advice to overcome nonproductive behaviors that might be keeping you single. Joann Cohen’s Arizona dating services include dating coaching, relationship advice and matchmaking.
It is normal in any relationship to wonder at times where it’s going – or if it’s going anywhere at all. We all have those moments where we stop and take stock of what we have and worry that maybe things aren’t headed in the right direction, or whether they could be headed towards a dead end. If you are asking yourself, “Is my relationship over?” here are some telltale signs that might be saying “Yes.”
12 Signs That Answer “Yes” to the Question “Is my Relationship Over?”
Every relationship is different, but if you have that inner voice saying something is off, don’t ignore it. As hard as it can be to let go, if you aren’t happy, you can’t hold on just because it seems easier. You deserve to be in a satisfying and fulfilling relationship. If these signs are indicative of your current relationship, it is neither satisfying nor fulfilling!
#1 A barrier has formed in the middle of the bed. It is normal for your sexual appetite to ebb and flow in a relationship, especially as time passes. After the lust phase is over, things might slow down a bit.
But if it’s been so long that you feel a barrier forming in the middle of the bed, that is not healthy. A large part of being in a satisfying relationship is physical. If your relationship has turned to “hands-off,” that might indicate that it’s the beginning of the end.
There is a Lack of Communication
2 You barely talk anymore. If your conversation has turned mostly into an awkward silence, then the communication might be breaking down. Couples not only talk about the things they have to, like bills, family, and mundane day-to-day things; they should openly discuss what is happening in each other’s lives and share their experiences. If you barely say “Hello” to each other anymore, then your relationship might be on the way out.
3 You fight about the same things over and over. There are bound to be particular things in your relationship that push each other’s buttons. But if you fight continually about the same thing, never finding resolution or a compromise, that is not the sign of a healthy relationship.
When you fall in love, you think that you can look past those things that create conflict. As time goes on, however, you start to lose tolerance. And, whatever it was that might have mildly bothered you at the start, over time, might become the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
4 There is no forgiveness. If you can remember every transgression and can’t let go or forgive, that might answer your question “Is my relationship over?” If they have done something that is so hurtful you can’t get past it, just wanting to forgive isn’t going to change the outcome.
You can’t base a relationship on resentment and harsh feelings that don’t go away. As much as you might love one another, there are times when things are unforgivable, and it is just time to move on and heal separately.
5 You stop missing them. If you never look forward to seeing your mate or you are relieved when they work late, can’t go out, or have other plans, that is your inner voice telling you that you aren’t happy. Although it is totally okay for people to need some space in a relationship, if all you dream of is more space, it is safe to assume that the relationship isn’t fulfilling.
The Magic is Gone!
6 When they touch you, it doesn’t feel good. You are bound to lose some of the electricity you had when you were first dating, but if the thought of being touched by your partner sends negative waves down your spine, that is a sign that the magic is over. Signs of affection might dwindle – but if what you feel is repulsion, then it is time to reevaluate your relationship.
7 You don’t even have the energy to fight. Fighting might not feel good in a relationship, but it is a necessary evil. If you have gotten to the point where you don’t even bother arguing or fighting at all, that means that you just don’t care.
One of the biggest signs that a relationship is over is indifference. When there isn’t enough passion for having a heated discussion, that might signal that the passion is gone completely.
8 You fantasize about having a relationship with someone else. Even if you are in a monogamous relationship, there are going to be times when someone turns your head. That is totally natural.
But if you consistently think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone else, that might be your subconscious telling you that something is amiss. Fantasizing is totally natural and normal. But, dreaming about being with someone else because something is lacking in your current relationship might be a sign that your relationship is over.
There is No “You”
9 You feel invisible. If you feel as if you could completely disappear and your mate wouldn’t notice, that can mean that something is missing. On its own that isn’t necessarily enough to indicate your relationship is over, but it is a sign telling you that you don’t feel valued the way that things are now. When you are in a satisfying relationship, you feel respected, valued, and wanted. If you don’t, what kind of a relationship do you have?
10 You find reasons to stay away. If you start finding reasons to work late or join a club just because you don’t want to go home, that is a sign that there is an uneasiness to your relationship.
You might be telling yourself that it is no big deal, but if you can’t find comfort in your own home, that is a problem. Likely, it is a nagging feeling that you are avoiding – which might mean you’re trying to ignore the truth. And it might be the answer to your question “Is my relationship over?”
11 You blame each other. If you blame each other for the fact that things aren’t working, that means that no one is taking responsibility or trying to resolve the issues that are hurting the relationship.
Regardless of why your relationship is struggling, it is never just one person. If you are both unwilling to take ownership for what you are or are not doing, then there is no compromise. That can definitely indicate that your relationship is at an end.
Are you Looking for an Easy way out?
12 You are purposely doing things to push the envelope. If you purposely do things to make your partner mad – like really mad – then somewhere in your subconscious you might be looking for an out.
Ending a relationship is an extremely difficult thing to do. Stop and consider the possibility that you are trying to force your mate to end the relationship because you can’t come to terms with doing it yourself.
As hard as it is to admit to yourself, not all relationships are meant to be. Heartbreak is gut-wrenching, but not devastating as being in a relationship for the wrong reasons. If your inner voice is telling you something is wrong, that voice is rarely wrong.
Giving up on a relationship isn’t really “giving up”. It is choosing to acknowledge that you both deserve to feel satisfied and fulfilled. Staying because it is easier than choosing to move along and find a mate that will make you happy is not fair to you or to the person you are with. If the signs are there that your relationship is over, accept them and choose to make a change to find happiness.
Once you come out the other end, you will be glad you made the hard call to find someone new. Otherwise, one day you will wake up and realize that you have wasted too much of your time being unhappy.
When you are ready again to find the love of your life, contact Joann Cohen, she is an expert at finding a relationship that will be forever.
It’s that time of night again – swipe time. Time to mentally brace yourself. You pour a glass of wine and take a deep breath. Okay, let’s do this. When it comes to the best dating apps for relationships, you’ve done your research and you’re ready to find the partner of your dreams. You scroll through your messages and sigh – more cheesy pickup lines from shirtless gym guy number 1, 2 and 3. Ugh, come on!
It’s no wonder dating apps get a bad rep. But before you throw in the towel, did you know people who meet online progress faster to marriage than people who meet offline? The reason for this is two-fold:
First, the bigger the dating pool, the more selection you have. The beauty of online dating is that you can gather a lot of useful information about your date before meeting. For example, if having children is important to you and his profile says “no kids”, you don’t need to wait five dates to have an awkward conversation. In the long run, this can save you a great deal of time and energy.
Second, you can talk to your date before meeting to learn more about his or her personality. Pre-date communication (preferably phone call, not text!) speeds up the courtship stage so you will know sooner rather than later if you both click.
If a long-term relationship is what you seek you’re in the right place – you just need to know where to look. Navigating the world of digital dating can be a challenge. While dating apps were designed to make finding love easier, it can be confusing and overwhelming to sort through the wide variety of options available – especially if you’re looking for something long-term. In a search that can seem endless, you’re left asking yourself: What are the best dating apps for relationships? Out of those, which one is a best fit for me? How can I increase my chances of finding someone who is a good match?
Top 5 Best Dating Apps for Relationships
As one of the first dating sites, OkCupid has stood the test of time with a member database that continues to expand. First, users must fill out a detailed profile, which includes your interests, lifestyle, the type of relationship you’re looking for (casual, short-term, serious, and so on). This is used to measure your compatibility against other users so while you’re swiping you see a customized percentage that comes with each user. In other words, when you see 50% you probably have little in common, but when you see 90% – can you hear the church bells ringing?
According to a Consumers Research survey, “roughly 32 percent of OkCupid users ended up in relationships lasting longer than one month, with 20 percent of total users making beyond six months.” This is significantly higher compared to Tinder whose “users reported the least success with ending up in relationships of any duration and trailed the other platforms in terms of longevity, with only 13 percent making it past the one-month mark.”
Coffee Meets Bagel
If you’re looking for love in 2018, Coffee Meets Bagel is one of the best dating apps for relationships. Unlike Tinder – where the options are endless – the premise of this app is more along the lines: less is more. It seems like common sense that the more matches you have, the easier it will be to find someone, right? Not necessarily. Rather than spending time to carefully read through each profile, you rush through – so many to get through in so little time! This can cause many of us to be unintentionally superficial instead of focusing on what’s truly important: values, beliefs and relationship goals. Not to mention when you’re receiving and sending countless messages each day, the rate of frustration and burnout increases as well.
On Coffee Meets Bagel you receive one match daily that fits your criteria. With one match, you can take the time you need to make an informed decision.
Also, this dating app recently launched a video feature so “it’s like meeting before you meet,” says Dawoon Kang, the COO of Coffee Meets Bagel.
With this free feature, you answer a question of the day. Videos can last up to 8 seconds and disappear when the next question is posted. This can give users a more accurate sense of your energy and personality.
Ladies, this app was specifically designed for you! On Bumble, the tables are turned and women make the first move. After you match with someone, women have 24 hours to message the men to get the conversation going. This is genius for two reasons: first, the 24-hour timer ensures people on this app are checking their matches regularly and are more keen on making connections. This weeds out the guys who swipe for the sake of swiping to boost their ego. (Yes. Sadly, these men exist).
Second, with this app design, women aren’t flooded with messages and have to spend most of their time sorting through nonsense to (hopefully) find a handful of potential suitors. Overall, this creates a better user experience.
That being said, if you have a busy work week or need a break in general, you don’t want to miss out on a potential love connection or offend would-be suitors. This is why Bumble recently added a “Snooze” feature.
“If you’re needing some self-care, you can now set an away message so your matches know you’re not ghosting them,” Bumble wrote.
Talk about a polite dating app!
Top Dating Apps for Relationships – No Matter What Your Age
Having recently repositioned itself as a “relationship app”, Hinge is a good fit for people seeking something serious and long-term. Using your Facebook data, this app matches you with people who are mutual friends.
Male users said one of the perks of the app is the fact that it “encourages more socially accountable behavior,” The New York Times reports.
“Hinge cuts through the randomness of Tinder,” said Daniel Matz, a 29-year old New York-based Hinge user. “I can take some comfort that she knows some of the same people I do.”
Also, instead of most apps that require swiping, you directly engage with the user’s profile directly. When you see something you like, you can like or comment as a conversation starter.
For all of these reasons, Hinge is at the top on the list for best dating apps for relationships.
As its name suggests, Once gives you one daily match filtered to meet your preferences. Like Bumble, your match expires in 24 hours. While the profile isn’t as detailed as other apps like OkCupid, it does require you to answer a set of questions to find matches.
The best part? Rather than relying on an algorithm – which, let’s face it, can only do so much – professional matchmakers hand pick your matches.
Jean Meyer, CEO of Once explains how the app “combines this real-world magic of meeting someone for the first time, but in a format that people are familiar with. It’s a great mix of traditional and contemporary dating.”
If you prefer quality over quantity, Once may be a good fit for you.
Now that we’ve covered the best of the best dating apps for relationships, you can make an informed decision about the one that meets your needs.
Dating apps are certainly one way to go if you’re ready to settle down. But let’s not discount making real life connections – whether it’s through expanding your social circle, joining a running club or photography group, and getting in the habit of saying yes to happy hour with coworkers or a spontaneous road trip with your friends! The bottom line: It’s about having a lifestyle that’s conducive to meeting people, which will inevitably increase your odds of finding love.
When it comes to dating people online or in the real world, the key is to get excited by the journey rather than the outcome.
Dating is as much about your attitude as it is about taking action.
Positive thinking will lead to positive results and the same is true for negative thinking. If you’re patient and maintain an optimistic mindset, you will significantly transform your love life.
Online dating doesn’t have to be scary. It can be exciting…if you choose to see it that way. Look at this as an adventure filled with new people and new places. Just think: the love of your life could be one swipe away. Now, get back out there!
Looking to revamp your profile? Receive one-on-one coaching and let’s change your love life to the one you truly desire!
The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area
This year you don’t want to spend Valentine’s Day by yourself. Maybe you’ve had too many Valentine’s Days alone. Or you just broke up with someone and don’t want to spend Valentine’s Day alone. No fear. Discover how you can Find a Date for Valentine’s Day or any other day.
You just have to be open.
Open to trying things that haven’t worked in the past.
Testing new ideas that make you feel a bit uncomfortable.
So take a deep breath and let’s go!
Top Ten Suggestions to Find a Date for Valentine’s Day
Start Swiping If you want a date for Valentine’s Day, put it on your profile. Put a no pressure, not desperate message that you’d like to spend a casual Valentine’s Day with someone who is funny and interesting. Or if that’s not your style, write that you’re looking for someone who wants to have an Anti-Valentine Day together.
The top dating apps to find the most singles are Tinder or Bumble. Start swiping to find your date.
Online Dating. Regular online dating is still very popular. And finding a date for Valentine’s day is easier than finding dates other times of the year!
The busiest time for online dating is between December 26 and February 14. Get online when there are more singles seeking someone. There other singles looking for someone just like you to spend Valentine’s Day with.
Go Online to Get Offline
Facebook it. Love it or hate, seems like everyone is still on Facebook. Including singles – just like you. But how do you meet them?
Plan a party before Valentine’s Day and invite everyone. This doesn’t have to be your home but can be a coffee shop or club. Create an event, invite everyone on your Facebook friend list and ask them to invite all their friends. Just make sure you invite your crush.
Find a Date for Valentine’s Day
Look for Singles Events online. There are lots of events that cater to singles of all ages. In Arizona, check out New Times for a list of events.
For Book lovers – Changing Hands is having a special event for valentine’s day. This sounds so much like me that I may just have to drop by!
Make Your Own Party on Meetup. You can create your own meetup group to meet people like you. Meetup is pretty flexible on the types of groups and how you can attend events. If having your own meetup is too much of a commitment – ask a meetup you belong to if you can create an event.
Most meetup organizers get fatigued with planning events. They will welcome someone planning a quality event.
Say Yes. To that guy your friends have wanted you to meet. To that woman who works with your friend’s wife that you’re being nagged to meet. If you want a date for Valentine’s Day, you don’t want to say no to anyone your friends say yes to.
Hit a Bar. There are lots of pick up places for singles of all ages in the Phoenix area. For the mature crowd, try Blue Martini before 10PM. After 10, you’ll start seeing a younger group. For the 30+ singles, you’ve got lot of choices. Claim your spot in the bars at Steak 44, Maestro’s City Hall, or Ocean Club. Just be careful of the gold diggers and 30k Millionaires. If you’re under 35, anything in old town Scottsdale.
Find a Date for Valentine’s Day
Start shopping. Right now, you don’t want to start cooking everything at home. Check out the pre-made food at Whole Foods and A.J.s. Make sure you hit these grocery stores at lunch and after work when the weary singles are grabbing a meal. If you’re college age- the Safeway in Tempe on Broadway, attracts lots of college aged singles. Check the beer and wine aisles starting Thursdays.
Get Your Cup of Joe. Make time in your schedule to spend some time at a busy coffee shop. Lots of busy entrepreneurs and singles who like coffee shops can be hanging out. Claim a seat and spend some time glancing at your IPAD and seeing who is also taking a break. (jo – how to flirt here). There are a lot of coffee shops to meet singles. The Lux attracts the Encanto type. Kierland Starbucks seems to have a large selection of singles and is well known for singles to meet.
Go to super bowl party. You’ve probably been invited to a few Super Bowl parties. These can be great occasions. Everyone is yelling, emotions are high and everyone is looking for food. (I obviously don’t get football – so this is how I see what happens). It’s a great way to mingle and meet someone.
Chances are, you don’t like all these ideas on how to find a date for Valentine’s Day. That’s okay. Try one or two.
Whether you want a date for Valentine’s Day or want a partner, do something. Try something new. Something outside of your usual routine.
If you looking to save time meeting quality singles, check out my matchmaking
The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area
‘Tis the season for holiday parties! Seasonal parties are gearing up and are definitely where a lot of the festive spirit can be found…unless you’re a shy single and are haunted by the Ghost of Socially Awkward Holiday Parties Past. Not in a relationship – yet – you need Holiday Party Survival Tips for Singles.
Whether it’s a work party, a block party, a holiday fundraiser or a New Year’s Eve party where you only know the host or hostess, we’ve got some handy holiday Party Survival Tips for Singles tips and tricks. Learn how to navigate the holiday party with confidence and panache. Be your own dating service: you’ll leave every party having made a few new friends (or maybe even having collected a few new phone numbers) — guaranteed.
Join the odd man (or woman) out
See that guy or gal standing awkwardly the punch bowl all by themselves? Maybe their friends are running late or completely bailed on them. Maybe they just arrived and don’t know anyone either. They’ll be relieved when you say hello and warmly ask them how they know the party hosts. Now you both know someone at the party — each other! And when their friends finally arrive, you’ll be introduced more cool new people.
Holiday Party Survival Tips for Singles
Hang by the food table
Most party guests swing by the food table at some time during the party. Stand at the end and engage guests in conversation once they have their food. Ask them what’s delicious and what you should get. Everyone likes to talk about food. Bonus? You’re oh-so-close to the guacamole, deviled eggs and cheese canapes. Yum!
Start slinging drinks
Party hosts can be overwhelmed at their own events. Ask them if they’d like you to be the honorary bartender for the next hour while they greet their guests and mingle. Most hosts and hostesses will be relieved and absolutely take you up on your offer. Pour some wine, mix some simple cocktails and chat with the party-goers in a relaxed way. (Nothing breaks the ice like pouring them a glass of whiskey on the rocks.) Then, when you’re tired of the bar, rejoin the party. You’ll already have talked to many of the guests and will undoubtedly be popular by association.
Social ease comes in threes
Do you see two people chatting with each other at a party? Unless you can sense some serious chemistry happening, feel free to interject and introduce yourself. You’re not interrupting — they’re happy to meet you! Why? Because when two people are standing together at a party, they either came together but are too shy to mix and mingle OR they’ve met at the party and don’t know how to escape their conversation to meet other people. You’ve just solved all of your problems with a single “Hello!” Nice work!
Look at their feet
Less about meeting people and more about reading body language, if someone’s feet are pointed towards you during a conversation at a party, you can rest assured they’re engaged in the conversation. If their feet are pointing away from you, they’re bored or would rather be talking to someone else. Read the cues and excuse yourself to join another conversation or swing by the refreshments table.
Good luck and party on!
Joann Cohen The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area
Maybe you have someone who you’ve been dating and they suddenly stop texting and calling. They don’t respond to your messages. Weeks or months later they show back up. Have you been ghosted or Zombied? How do you know?
Ghosting and zombeing. New names for trends that have gone on for a long time.
No matter what your age or sex – chances are – you’ve been ghosted.
Have you’ve been ghosted?
You’ve dated and calling and texting the other person, and without warning, poof! The other person disappears. No arguments, no communication about being gone – they just vanish.
You’re bewildered. Did you do something? Did something suddenly awful happen to them to stop them from communicating?
What feels so uncomfortable – is you don’t know. You play over and over all your conversations. Did you say something they didn’t like? Were they acting funny or seem withdrawn and you didn’t pick up on it?
You may spend a lot of time talking to your friends trying to figure it out. They’ll tell you a lot of different possible reasons – but you never know for sure.
You’ve been ghosted.
If you knew the reason, you have closure. Okay, he wasn’t into you. She met someone else. But without knowing – it leaves you baffled.
Online dating and dating apps make this easier.
Because you don’t know, or don’t know well, their friends, you can’t ask. You aren’t going to run into them at work, school or the gym. So you’re continually wondering.
Here are the reasons that people ghost.
There’s no discomfort, thinking, rationalizing or confrontation. Poof! Nothing to do to stop communication or seeing you. People may try to justify this by saying they’re busy; it wasn’t serious. But it boils down to you, and your feelings weren’t important.
People who do this want to avoid being uncomfortable, even if they know it’s not how they should handle things.
Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?
Don’t want to hurt your feelings.
As lame as this may sound, this is a common reason people say they ghost. They liked you but they lost interest, or there was something that just wouldn’t work for them. So to avoid “hurting your feelings” – they ghost.
I had a client who said that he didn’t want to tell the woman he was dating, that he wasn’t feeling a romantic connection. He said she was an intelligent woman and would know. Perhaps. But that’s not how my matchmaking works. There is communication.
After sending the text, he said it was hard. However, the woman hadn’t been that romantically attracted. She wasn’t in any “crushed”. She thanked him, and they became friends.
They’re afraid of conflict.
Whether a clash would actually happen or they imagine it could occur. Many times I hear that people ghost as they’re concerned that the other person won’t let it go. He’ll want reasons. She’ll try to convince you to give it another try. They’ll be angry. You may not even be into him that much, but he’s afraid of a confrontation. So he’ll find it easier to disappear.
It was a fling.
They had fun, but that’s all they want. Perhaps it was about sex. Or they love being in love but not being in a relationship. It was just fun for them. And now, they’re done.
You were put on the back burner.
They met someone else and wanted to see how that turned out before ending it with you. Or they weren’t really into you but weren’t 100% sure. Perhaps they’re back to the phone – swiping for someone “better.”
Whatever the reason – you’re the backup plan in case they need a date, feel lonely, or the other person doesn’t work out. You’re someone they plan to get back to sometime – if things don’t work out with others.
If you were ghosted for any of these five reasons, they might show up again.
They come back as a Zombie.
What is Zombeing?
Zombieing is when they’re disappeared and after some time – you get a text. “what’s up?” “how’s everything?”
Or they suddenly start liking your Instagram photo or Facebook posts. They blocked you on Facebook and now send a Friend Request.
You got used to them being out of your life. And like a zombie, they’ve come back from the dead.
Perhaps you’re confused. And maybe hopeful.
Is he still interested? Was she too busy with work?
Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?
After ghosting you, they now contact to see if you want to get together – again.
Texting and social media make it easy for Zombeing. They can contact you without risk. If you don’t respond well (the way they want) – they’re gone.
If you get a Zombie, what do you do?
Do you start seeing them again?
Before they ghost again or become another zombie, you need to ask yourself.
Why is someone zombeing you? If they ghosted you, why are they back?
Here are the common reasons someone becomes a zombie.
Texting you fills time.
They may just want attention. Or they’re bored, and texting is an easy way to communicate. In between dates, sitting at the airport by themselves, they send you a quick message. You’re someone to kill time with. If someone texts you, it doesn’t mean they want to be back with you.
You’re a booty call.
It’s easy to text and sees if they can hook up again. Maybe they say they miss you and so on. And it would be easy just to swing by your place that night. You’re expecting commitment. They want something less serious.
Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?
You’re still the backup plan.
You were put on the backburner to see if someone else worked out. And things didn’t work out. Or they’re not sure about that other person. So they contact you to see if they can have someone – just in case they need a date.
They want attention.
Texting and messaging can help some feel less lonely or desired.
I remember being with an attractive woman, Julie, at a bar. She bragged about all the men who wanted to be with her. Julie was cute and fun. It was easy to see why men were attracted to her. She started to show other women and me, how she would get a guy to respond.
Julie hadn’t been in touch for weeks or months and then would text different men. She text flirted Just to show how she could prove how appealing she was. But Julie wasn’t interested. So why did she do it?
She was showing how desirable she was. I can go into the reasons people do this. Trust me – someone who is comfortable with who they are – don’t do this. And for the men she contacted?
She showed some interest, and they responded. She zombied them. And she did it several times.
They take responsibility without excuses. That means – talking directly to you explaining what they did and apologize. They can’t wimp out with texting. They don’t blame anyone else, work, family and so on but take responsibility for their actions.
And then you decide.
If they are sincere and admit they screwed up, MAYBE you want to give them another chance. But before you do, ask yourself –
If this is how they handle things – do you really want them back?
Relationships are hard. To make one last, you have to have good communications skills. Especially when you need to talk when things are tough or uncomfortable. When someone is ghosting, it is a quick way to avoid difficult conversations.
So when someone has ghosted you, – you’ve learned how they will be in a relationship.
We all make mistakes. So maybe they learned a lesson; are truly remorseful. Take responsibility for making a poor choice.
Make sure before let them back in – how will they make sure things are different.
What If they don’t have any good reason about why they ghosted?
They tell you they were busy at work.
They had issues with their family.
They needed to take a break from dating.
They meant to contact you but lost your number.
Their phone was stolen, and they didn’t have the numbers backed up.
If you get some similar lame excuses – don’t take them back.
Because – they’ll do it again.
Because – you deserve better.
You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.
Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?
One essential truth that has been proven changeless in my years of matchmaking and dating coaching. If someone wants to be with you, they will. No matter if there are work, family, or school issues. The person who wants you – will stay in contact.
Someone who wants you will find a way to be with you. Because they will do everything they can so they don’t lose you.
Perhaps they can only talk on the phone or text. But they will never ghost you.
So when you get a zombie – you want to think about how they treated you. Don’t pay attention to their words. Reflect on what their behavior was to you.
Is everyone who is ghosting and zombieing bad?
Usually, people who are ghosting and zombieing are just like us. Or they are us.
Maybe you ghosted someone.
You weren’t interested after a few dates. So you didn’t call back. He’d “get the hint.”
You’re ghosting when we go out with a guy a few times but don’t pick up the call or text him back.
Maybe we think the other person knows. Or they should know. We aren’t interested. So you just don’t call her again.
I’ve seen many situations where someone wasn’t interested, and the other person didn’t know.
So pledge. Not to ghost anyone.
Difficult? Yes, it can be.
But if someday you want a relationship that lasts, learn the skills to have difficult conversations. You’ll need to use them when you’re with your partner.
Because when you’re with your one, there will be times when you think he should get it. He ought to know what you want. And he won’t.
Dating is the place to start to practice communication when it’s tough. Practicing now will help you keep the relationship you want in the future. Often we focus on getting but not Keeping the relationship.
And as I tell my clients and women I work with. It’s a small town. Yes, Phoenix is the 7th largest city in the United States. But it’s almost guaranteed that someday- we will run into that person that ghosted us, or we ghosted. And imagine –
You ghosted, and that person is part of a group of friends you run into. How do you feel? Not comfortable. You may find an excuse to leave as quickly as possible.
Have You Been Ghosted or Zombied?
If they are part of that crowd, you may avoid hanging out with those friends. But imagine you said told them, you didn’t feel a romantic connection.
You run into that person and …. Nothing. Maybe you feel a little funny at first. But you don’t feel guilty. You didn’t ghost. You can talk to them and your friends without feeling lousy. There’s much more freedom because we did the right thing.
A client told me a story of how he ghosted on a woman. He made up an excuse about a sick dog. And then he never contacted her again. A year later he was at an event with his friends.
Who is at the same place?
Yes, the woman he ghosted.
She walked over to him and his friends and said: “Hi Rob, HOW’s YOUR DOG???”. He was embarrassed, and his friends wanted to know about the dog. Because he didn’t have a dog.
He learned his lesson. He told me the story about why he now never ghosts.
Summary: You’ve learned what Ghosting and Zombieing is. You know the five reasons someone ghosts you. And the reasons they return as a Zombie. And unless they are taking responsibility for their actions and sincerely apologize you don’t want to take them back. Because they will do it again and you deserve better.
You deserve a person who wants to be with you. And will do what it takes to make they don’t lose you.
A female friend contacted me about a man who was a mutual Facebook “friend” named Robert. She said that they had chatted online and every time she asked to get together he would disappear. She wasn’t sure what was going on. Since we are friends, she asked me what I knew about him. I looked at his profile and quickly knew it was a fake Facebook profile. I did the steps below which are outlined in this blog just tell you how I instantly knew it was a fake Facebook profile.
She was interested in Robert. He was very attractive; they had great online conversations about deep topics. She thought she finally found a man in which she felt an emotional connection. When I told her it was a fake profile – she was crushed and felt foolish. She wanted to figure out how and why this happened.
With most of us receiving many friend requests, chances are you have received (and maybe accepted) fake Facebook profile requests. And that’s what happened to her and I. With about 4000 Facebook and sometimes being in a rush, I approve friends without checking them out. And I know better. (Note- Robert and I had over 60 mutual friends, so many of my Facebook friends were also deceived.)
How Many Fake Facebook Profiles Are There?
Lots! Facebook assumes there are over 83 million fake Facebook profiles on Facebook. There are different fake profiles for various reasons. You may have even created a fake profile! Maybe you have one for your dog or your cat or some other pet. There are some cute and funny pet profiles. But Facebook estimates there are over 14 million fake profiles to deceive and exploit people like you..
These fake profiles exist to get your data to steal your identity, or to spam you with ads or to give you a virus that posts on your timeline. Maybe to trick you to give money to them or to play a romantic suitor, just screw in your head. These are the deceivers you want to beware of and delete from your life.
Five Free Fast Steps to discover if it’s a fake Facebook profile.
Read the profile. Does it really say anything? Is there a lot of information? Or is it just a few scattered facts or maybe no facts? Or is it just a beautiful photo? These are signs that it could be a fake profile.
What’s the History? How long have they been on Facebook? Often these fakes show up and disappear quickly. If you see they have just signed on to Facebook – you might have a fake Facebook profile.
How many friends? Check to see how many friends they have. Do they have pictures of themselves with friends? Are their friends in your area or they all around the world? Usually, people have local friends. Not having any friends, pictures of themselves with their friends, or friends who were not in their area, are clues it could be a fake Facebook profile.
Google their picture. Google has a super easy way to upload the photo and search to see if that photo is showing somewhere. Robert, the fake profile, had a photo of an English bodybuilder who was in a newspaper article about steroids. Not Robert who was living in Tempe Arizona. Click to learn how to google a photo. IF you find that photo showing up somewhere else with another name, chances are you have a fake Facebook profile. (You maybe want to do this with a photo of you, to see if anyone else has stolen it to use in some fake profile)
Too Much, Too Soon. The Facebook Friend is flattering too fast. Online Chatting with you, they express a lot of admiration/excessive flattery quickly. They soon tell you how close they feel to you and you are so different than everybody else. The one they have been looking to find. Perhaps tell you tales of past romantic partners who hurt them, but you are different. When someone starts professing affection and love quickly online, you probably have a fake.
These are five easy steps that will help you avoid fake Facebook profiles. And if you do get a fake profile what do you do? First, report them to Facebook as a fake profile. Next, block them. You don’t need to waste time with Fakes.
Play it safe and be fearless online. Facebook is a Fabulous way to connect with friends, meet new friends, or find a romantic partner. Learn Joann’s tips on meeting on Facebook.
If you did fall for a fake profile, don’t beat yourself up. It happens to everybody, and that’s all we’ve learned how to catch bogus profiles. The friend who contacted me is – fabulous, beautiful, smart, and a total great catch. She wasn’t dumb. Just too trusting. Don’t let it happen to you.
Want to learn about how to avoid fake online dating profiles? Look for future dating advice that gives you proven ways to know if your Suitor is real or not.
Joann Cohen Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix singles, Scottsdale singles, and singles throughout the Phoenix area
If you are dating for a while or married, sometimes the dinner date can just become too boring. You stare across the table and it seems like you have been doing this every week. This is your Date Night and it is getting boring. Here’s the top 20 Phoenix Date Ideas..
As a Phoenix Matchmaker, I work with my male clients on dating ideas besides always going to dinner. There are plenty of fun dating ideas that are not just dinner and a movie.
Whether you are looking for married dating ideas or single date ideas, here are some ways to get started. Follow these tips on how to make each date night memorable:
1. Shut off the computers and turn off phone: Yes, give 100% of your attention to your partner and whatever you’re doing.
2. Whenever possible do something fun: Something that gets you laughing, your heart racing and brings out the silly part of you. Not only when it be fun, when you’re having fun you tend to associate it with that person. That means, you see your partner as fun.
3. Do something new: Get out of the routine where you are someplace new but you are still talking about kids, work, and family. A new activity that has you talking about that or memories about it. Maybe wandering an antique shop, you will see an old board game you liked to play when you were a kid.
4. Expect not all dates will be fantastic: No matter how much planning and thought you put into a date, sometimes it does not go as expected. The place is not as fun as everyone told you. But that does not make a bad date. Remember in the old days when there were no bad dates because you’re with someone you just liked being with. Bad venues were something to laugh about.
5. Find a subject that you’re both interested in and gab on: If you both love traveling, plan your next adventure. Try and learn about your partner’s interests and hobbies. Talk about new things you want to try.
6. Find a new hobby together: Doing new things together help keep your relationship fresh. If you’re both into cooking, taking cooking class. Or if you like sports – learn tennis, ice skating, golf, etc. Just pick something you both will enjoy trying. This gives you something new to talk about.
Want specific Phoenix date ideas to get started?
Top 20 Phoenix Date Ideas for Couples
1. Put a bunch of date ideas into a jar: As you think of something new, put it in the jar. Then at the beginning of the week, pull an idea.
2. Get out the map: Lay it on the table then where ever a finger lands, that is where you go. If you find somewhere interesting along the way, stop and explore. You usually find something interesting.
3. Take some lessons: Try taking a lesson for a group dance lesson, Art or a cooking class.
4. Find a Meetup meeting for couples: Meetup groups have organizers who plan events. Easy date, your meetup does the date night planning.
5. Amusement park
7. Go to Improv/ comedy show or take an improv comedy class together: During the week, you can practice on each other.
8. New Spirit: Try a Wine tasting or mixology class.
9. Art walk: You may find your partner has some art tastes that you did not know. May make gift buying easier!
10. Ice skating
More Phoenix Dating Ideas for Couples
11. Kart racing
13. Trivia night with teams/bar
14. Volunteer: Working at no kill animal shelters like Lost Our Home work with pets. Or serving food to the homeless, etc. At the holiday time, adopt a Senior or child and go shopping together to find gifts.
15. Photo booths: Have fun getting silly photos.
16. Auctions: Get your number and sometimes you buy or just watch.
17. Rent a “dream car”: Have a night where you drive around in a car you would love to own.
18. Outdoor concerts: It’s cooling down in Phoenix, and this is a great time of the year to go.
19. Google your city: Most cities have a list of offbeat things to see. Make a list and start seeing the unusual things around you.
20. Take an evening cruise: In Phoenix we have Dolly Steamboat which offers scenery and dinner.
This is a short list of date ideas for married couples. Experiment and you will learn more about your partner and your relationship.
Looking for Phoenix date ideas for singles? Click for more Ideas in Phoenix Dating
Here’s something you might not expect to hear: I encourage people to try dating apps. Why? Because the top dating apps for Phoenix singles aren’t just for hookups. Lots of singles have met their significant other through these popular dating apps. Several times I’ve called a woman in my database only to hear she met someone on a dating app and they are getting married!
There’s a reason the top dating apps for Phoenix singles are so popular: the process is fast and easy. A profile appears and you quickly decide whether someone is a potential match. You get to skip the weeks of endless emailing only to meet in person and discover they aren’t anything like their profile. The convenience of using a dating app right on your phone is undeniable. Everybody’s heard of Tinder, but there are many more apps out there. Based on my experience as the Phoenix Dating Coach, there are a few that rise above the rest…
The 4 Top Dating Apps for Phoenix Singles to Try
1. Coffee Meets Bagel. This is a great starter dating app. Instead of unlimited matches, you receive one match per day. It slows the process down and takes the pressure off. You are allowed to use in-app “currency” to pursue additional matches. The more information you give the app, the better matches you’ll get.
Great for: Dating app beginners, busy people who can’t devote a ton of time to an app, or singles curious about how dating apps work.
2. Bumble. This app uses a different strategy: the woman has to initiate conversation. Once a mutual “like” has been established, the girl has 24 hours to contact the guy or the match disappears. If a man really likes a woman and wants her to initiate, he can choose to extend the time window by an additional 24 hours.
Great for: People ready to try a different approach to dating apps.
Top Dating Apps for Phoenix Singles
3. Hinge. A slightly more sophisticated dating app, Hinge requires you to login via Facebook. You are then matched only with immediate friends or friends of friends. Preference settings allow you to personalize your wish list to include how far away matches can live, your ideal age range, education level, and more.
Great for: Meeting people you already have mutual friends with.
4. The League. An elite option, The League is a dating app worth being on. Members must apply to get in, and only 20-25% are accepted. Currently, there are over 100,000 people on its waiting list! The app is designed for successful, career-oriented individuals who want to meet people with similar interests. Your profile is created based on your profiles on LinkedIn and Facebook. Any matches you receive expire after 21 days, and members get a “Flakiness Rating” based on how quickly messages are viewed and responded to. This rating is visible to matches, and if you let it get too low, you could get kicked out of the app!
Great for: Singles serious about meeting high-quality matches.
Using any one of these top dating apps for Phoenix singles could be a great way to meet your significant other. My opinion: What do you have to lose? If you’re looking for more personalized assistance, let’s talk about how I can help coach you as you navigate dating.