BEFORE You Try to Meet Men

Before you rush out into the streets looking for the perfect guy – stop! As an Arizona Matchmaker and dating coach, I’ve seen too many eager women totally bomb on their quest to try to meet men simply because they had not done the proper footwork. This footwork involves a few easy steps that can best pave the way for meeting the guy of your dreams (or at least one with whom you’d really dig a second date). Review and Adjust Your Schedule

Make a schedule of where you go, and when. Perhaps a few places are already crawling with guys you don’t notice simply because you’re always in a hurry. If not, try tweaking your schedule to make it more likely you’ll meet men.

For example, let’s say you live in a primarily married community. Try shopping in a different neighborhood. Yeah, it may be a tad inconvenient, but it will also get you out of wedding band territory.

Also look at the times you’re out and about. When it comes to grocery shopping, for instance, most guys are on the scene around 5:30 p.m. – not noon, unless you’re going for someone who’s retired.

Now look for free pockets in your schedule where you can add new activities to the list. And yes, a double date with Netflix and Ben and Jerry’s counts as a free pocket of time when you can be doing something else. Make a commitment to the number of new activities you’ll try each week, and share the list with someone you trust so they can hold you accountable. Then get out and try a new sport, a single’s event or cool class doing something you always wanted to learn.

Expect to be a Bit Uncomfortable

OK, you may even be a lot uncomfortable at times. You are, after all, venturing out of your Netflix zone and into new and unchartered territory. Changing your routine, trying new things and facing rejection – that’s enough to make even the most confident lion of a lady feel more like a little mouse.

Know the feeling is normal and don’t let it stop you. Use the discomfort as a cue that you’re doing something exciting. You’ll be amazed at how much easier it gets after you keep it up for a spell. You’ll be doubly amazed at how greatly your overall confidence will blossom (get ready to roar!).

Gather a Support Team

Whether it’s your best friend, cool neighbor or amazing coworker, keep a mental list of people who believe in you and want you to be successful. When that little mouse starts squeaking in discomfort, give one of your team members a call.

Get Rid of Emotional Vampires

This strategy is one of the most crucial, as emotional vampires can suck you dry, bring you down and pretty much ruin any chance you have at exuding a positive, attractive energy. Emotional vampires are any folks who douse your excitement with a bucket of full-on negativity, with moves like:

• Telling you all the good guys are taken • Insisting men only want younger women and sorry, dear, but you no longer qualify • Dissecting every man you date, poking fun at every guy you meet • Declaring you’ll never meet men at “your age,” because you have kids, or due to any number of reasons they say puts you out of the new relationship pool • Asking zillions of questions after a great date, quickly pointing out any real or potential problems

These people have the power to deflate your confidence and actually push you to the brink of giving up in utter hopelessness – but only if you let them. Avoid them and you’ll be fine. And if any of them happen to be on your support team, you need to delete them off that list.

Better yet, you may want to delete them out of your life. No one has time for people who suck you dry, especially when you’re busy trying new things, getting positive feedback and succeeding in getting Mr. Right in your life.

You will be getting advice about specific places to meet men in future blogs. Stay tuned!

Joann Cohen

The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area