With the spread of the coronavirus and social distancing in full effect, single people everywhere are starting to panic. Should I date? Is it worth it if I can’t meet the person? Is it smarter to wait until the corona craziness is over? Is coronavirus dating something I should even think about?
It goes without saying that today – swiping right to have a random hookup is a bad idea. But just because you can’t physically meet up with people, doesn’t mean you can’t still get to know them. Contrary to popular belief, the coronavirus can actually help, not hinder your love life. Here’s why:
1. It Forces You to Go Slow.
In today’s digital age of instant gratification, many online daters try to meet as many people as quickly as possible. This means they don’t read profiles, craft thoughtful messages or put that much effort into getting to know each other ahead of time.
As a matchmaker, I have seen clients and the women make this mistake so often. They say, “Just set up the date – I’ll know in the first minute if it’s a match!”. Or someone isn’t “your type” you want. You know as soon as you see them whether or not there will a second date. “
Here’s the problem with rushing this process: with dating apps, you can go on five dates in a row with people who aren’t quality matches. This leads to dating burnout and ultimately, is a major waste of time. You are also missing out the opportunity to get to know someone and find out that maybe “your type” isn’t really relationship material for you.
Since getting to know people in person is off the table, you’re forced to go slow. And trust me, this is a very good thing (if your goal is a long-term relationship).
2. It Allows You to Build a More Organic Connection.
The main reason people are so fed up with online dating is because there are too many choices. Too many choices lead to more low-quality interactions and the inevitable frustration that comes from having to sort through so many people.
And even when you do find someone you want to get to know, you worry that they’re talking to 10 other prospects. So how can you really be yourself? And then when you do start talking, he texts you nonstop for weeks without making a real plan. Or worse, when you do take a leap of faith, the guy you’re talking to decides to ghost you for no apparent reason. Welcome to the chaos that is online dating.
As a result, people are craving genuine connection now more than ever. We appreciate the bar flirtations and striking up random conversations with strangers. Sadly, meeting in real life is no longer the norm.
The good news is you can make your online dating experience feel more like real life. Having the obstacle of social distancing forces us to have more genuine conversations and get to know people organically. We don’t have the option of a quick meetup and hookup. This means getting more creative, and here’s a crazy idea: pick up the phone and hear someone’s voice for a change!
When it comes to communication, we live in a world that relies on texting. And while this is convenient, it’s not doing much to improve our love lives. Picture this all-too-common scenario: You send a text. He doesn’t reply for two hours. You start questioning if he still likes you. And the downward spiral ensues.
As you’re having a mini meltdown, the guy has his phone charging in the other room, sitting on the couch playing video games with his friends. Now, of course not all girls think this way. Many of my male clients get texting anxiety as well. It’s just an example that many people can relate to.
Since we can’t leave the house, I predict that more people will start to see the value of virtual dates using something like FaceTime. You simply can’t beat that level of connection. Dating during coronavirus will take us back to the beautiful, old school days of making an emotional connection before a physical one.
3. It Takes Away the Pressure of Physical Intimacy
A question on everyone’s minds in the early stage of dating is “when should I sleep with him or her?” Whether you want to wait or you’re fighting temptation, sex can put a lot of pressure on people.
Oftentimes, when people sleep together too soon, they are more focused on the physical connection. Then play catch up when it comes to the emotional connection. Emotional intimacy is tougher than deciding to have sex.
Did you know the hormones released during sex can trick our brains into believing we have a deeper connection with someone than we actually do? Since dating during coronavirus takes sex out of the equation, so it forces you to see if you are truly compatible with the other person.
The foundation of a successful romantic relationship is friendship, and science confirms it. Laura VanderDrift, lead author of a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, explains, “it seems likely that placing greater importance on the friendship component of the relationship relative to other components (e.g. sex) may promote lasting relationships.”
Most of the qualities we look for in our friends include trust, loyalty and respect – all of which are crucial components of a strong romantic partnership.
There are many good reasons to wait for sex. Along with connecting on a more meaningful level, it also gives you something to look forward to. As time passes, the anticipation of meeting up in real life will grow and this will intensify the physical experience.
Waiting also weeds out the people who are looking for something casual. Worried about what the person’s intentions are? Rest assured if they are still talking to you after a month without physical contact, they’re interested.
Most importantly, it demonstrates your value to the other person. You have more to offer than your body. Without the distraction of sex, you can show off how smart, funny and attractive you are on the inside.
4. You Can Look at This Time As an Opportunity to Reflect and Grow.
Without the distractions of our everyday lives and being constantly on-the-go, this time is making us hit the pause button. And while it feels uncomfortable at first, it’s important to look within and do some soul searching.
The current situation of coronavirus Dating is a true test of our character. Are you going to give up and throw in the towel? Or will you turn this challenge into an opportunity?
Improving your love life starts with improving the way you see yourself. It is only when we find love within that we will start to attract the right partners, and enjoy a fulfilling, long-term relationship.
To truly connect with others, you must become comfortable with who you are and allow that authenticity shine through. Instead of trying to hiding your flaws and imperfections, embrace them.
The key to building confidence and self-love is to focus less on impressing other people, and more on connecting with them.
When you can make this small mental shift, it will radically transform your romantic relationships.
As you work toward raising your self-awareness and becoming a better version of yourself, don’t forget to let go of expectations. Expectations are essentially a desire to control the outcome of a particular situation. However, the truth is we have no control over what happens to us; only how we respond to it.
In the context of dating during coronavirus, don’t expect the other person to commit. Because if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be let down. Don’t expect people to read your mind about what you want in a romantic partner. Communicate what you want openly and honestly.
Most importantly, be present and enjoy the moment! When it comes to coronavirus dating, your goal should be to really get to know and understand the other person. Don’t add the pressure of deciding whether or not they’re you soul mate. Adjust your mindset to simply enjoy the moment with the person you’re virtually dating. Focus on the connection without worrying about the future, and you are more likely to experience happiness.
The bottom line: the way you think directly impacts the amount of happiness you experience in your love life. It is only when our expectations don’t align with reality that we feel frustrated and disappointed.
Be honest with yourself: What’s working and what isn’t? What dating app is best for you? What are some areas you want to improve in your love life? Reflect on your past experiences and find the lesson. This is the only way to grow and learn. This will help you come up with a real game plan in terms of what you want in a partner and relationship.
And as always, I’m here for you every step of the way as you embark on this new dating journey.