Dating sucks! Yeah, that’s one of the top mantras I hear from many male matchmaking clients as well as single women I’m interviewing. And I hear ya. Dating can have tons of sucky points, ranging from folks who don’t even resemble their online profiles to others who promise to call for a second date and then seem to disappear down a manhole.
The whole process can start to feel like a job. Answering online dating emails. Scheduling a meeting. Getting decked out and paying for a meal – for someone who ends up showing no interest or sometimes doesn’t even say thank you.
So what do you do when a job sucks? Two things: take a vacation and then get a new job. You can apply those same fixes to your dating life.
Take a vacation.
You may be suffering from an acute case of dating burnout and simply need a break. Dating burnout hits gads of singles that jump into the dating scene with enthusiasm but end up exhausted and disheartened after a string of bad dates or short-lived relationships.
Signs of dating burnout include:
- Being overly critical. If you find yourself making up all kinds of reasons why someone is not right for you – sometimes before you even meet him or her – you’re ensuring all dates go nowhere.
- Being overly cautious. You show up for your first date armed with questions to weed out the same type of riffraff you’ve run across in your dating history. Not to be rude, but can I see your paystub to ensure you have a job? Exactly why did your past relationship end? If you had to pick between me and your dog, who would you choose?
- Being overly bored. If you find yourself in the middle of a date but fantasizing about being home streaming episodes of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, it’s definitely time for a breather. This counts triple if you happen to be a guy.
Yes, it’s OK to take a break from all the dating chaos. Take your profile down, say no to blind dates. You can even put your friendly Arizona matchmaker on hold (I promise not to take it personally).
Some fear if they take a break they’ll never date again. You will. Streaming episodes of Real Housewives can only go so far. Mark your calendar for the day you’ll reenter the dating scene.
It can be a few weeks or months down the line, time enough to get dating out of your mind so you can recharge and enjoy your life. You’re allowed to extend your vacation when the end date rolls around, or you can reenter the dating scene with renewed positive energy.
Get a new job.
Since your old way of dating made it suck, start out with a new way of doing things. This new “job” includes tactics like:
- Lowering your expectations. Don’t expect every date, or even any date, to magically be “the one” the first moment you see the person. That stuff happens a lot in fairytales but rarely in real life. It may take some time to get to know a person before you realize he or she is ideal for you, as has been the case with some of my matchmaking clients who ended up married. Some even started out thinking that the person was definitely not right for them, but time told a different story.
- Shedding the “type” that hasn’t been right. Perhaps you’re drawn to and seem to attract the bad boys or the big-busted blonds or any certain type that consistently ends in disaster. The problem is not with the type; it’s with you. Figure out why these types keep popping up on your radar, and then make the changes needed to take your dating life on a whole new path.
- Knowing dating is a numbers game. You’re not going to be a match with or even interested in every single person you meet. You’d have better odds of hitting the jackpot on any given slot machine.
Dating may still be a job, but it doesn’t have to be a sucky job. You can work hard and still have fun. Sure, you’ll run across failed interviews in the form of awful dates and may even find the dream job that goes to someone else.
But you don’t give up because you want that new job so bad you can taste it. Finding your life mate is the same. It’s going to take effort and positive attitude but the rewards can definitely be worth it.
Joann Cohen
The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area
