Throughout my years of being the Phoenix Date Coach, I have seen one consistent pattern for many women. Trying to rescue their men. They go from one man to another who at the start seems like a great guy who just needs someone who believes him. And you decide that’s you! Do You Try to Rescue Men?
“So he’s a little dysfunctional,” you say, “We’re all a little dysfunctional, right?” In theory, yes. But you will get into trouble every time you think you can “fix” anyone.
Angry alcoholic? Drug addiction? Bad gambling habit? Difficulty holding a job? No friends? Unhealthy relationship habits? There are some dysfunctions that need to be dealt with before entering a committed relationship. Especially a relationship with you.
It is not unreasonable for you to expect a certain level of emotional and relational wholeness from a person. You won’t find a perfect man, but you can’t swing too far the other way and be willing to put yourself in unhealthy relationships that could have very damaging long-term effects.
The women I have coached have usually spent a lot of time trying to rescue their men. Despite their efforts, these men stuck to their old habits. Eventually the women give up but wonder if with a little bit “more” they could have helped OR they swore off dating another man with a drinking, spending habit or any other dysfunctional habit. And perhaps they did. But they usually start another relationship with a man with a different dysfunctional habit. Yes, he may not be the alcoholic, food addict, unemployed but has a new type of dysfunction. And you again have another man who is another fix him up project.
And going after the very dysfunctional guy only leads to heartbreak. If you have a pattern of dating dysfunctional men, it is not bad luck. Yes, my lovely, look in the mirror. It is you that is the problem AND the solution. Because no one can stop your habit of dating dysfunctional men but you. Remember you can’t fix anyone but you (repeat that every time you meet the man who you have the urge to fix). So if you see this as a pattern, here’s some food for thought:
- Why do I need to be needed?
- What drives my desire to turn a relationship into a project?
- Why am I so driven to try and “rescue” people?
As a Phoenix Dating Coach, I know that the ultimate solution to your problem is to know exactly what you’re looking to get out of a relationship. If you’re looking for a healthy, fun, committed, forever relationship, you need to focus on making yourself a healthy, whole person first. A chronic pattern of falling for the wrong guy is a pretty strong indication you need to spend some time being introspective and working out your personal motivations.
Do the work now so you will have the healthy relationship where no one (including you) needs rescuing.
Do You Try to Rescue Men? If you are ready to stop and start dating emotionally healthy men, work with me. Find out more about my dating coaching services for women by clicking here