As a Phoenix Dating Coach, it might seem odd for me to write about how to love you as being perfectly single. But here’s what I’ve learned in my experience as the Scottsdale Matchmaker: you can’t be happy in a relationship until you’re happy with you. I talk to many singles whose only desire is to find a relationship. While there’s nothing wrong with this, many of these singles are wasting away what could be one of the most fun, enjoyable, and fulfilling seasons of their life. Learning how to love you as being perfectly single starts by saying “yes” to this part of the journey in a few different ways…
Say “yes” to things you wouldn’t normally do.
When you’re single, you have the unique privilege of being allowed to be selfish. You aren’t accountable to a significant other. You don’t have kids to look out for. You get to do whatever you want without worrying about what your partner’s friends or family will think. You only have you to focus on. To tell you the truth, this is an amazing time of life to learn, experiment, and expand your horizons beyond your normal comfort zones. Stay out all night, go skinny-dipping in the park, decide on a whim to fly across the country for a long weekend. You may not always have the freedom to do these things; enjoy it while you can! Learning how to love you as being perfectly single frees you from responsibilities and obligations so you can freely explore and develop who you are as a person.
Say “yes” to dating out of type.
Jolt yourself out of the rut of dating only with the long-term in mind. Here’s the thing: there are plenty of amazing people out there you could get along well with, have fun with, and make awesome memories with – that you would never even consider marrying. Being happily single frees you up to date for fun. Now is the time to date the “bad boy” or the “crazy girl.” Give relationships with people you wouldn’t normally go out with a try. Doing so will teach you about the richness of life and humanity. People are diverse, and dating a diverse range of people will increase your tolerance and exposure to new ways of thinking and living. The best part about dating out of type? You’ll eventually stop categorizing people as “relationship material” or “non-relationship material.” You’ll start appreciating people for the sake of who they are rather than their potential as a spouse.
Say “yes” to traveling alone.
So many people have dreams of traveling the world. My advice? Go do it! Don’t wait until you find your “perfect man/woman” to get out and have adventures. Traveling alone, you’ll have to interact with other people and the travel community is a friendly bunch to be around. In strange places with people you’ll probably never see again, let your hair down, so to speak, and see what adventures you encounter. The greatest gift traveling alone gives anyone is a huge boost in CONFIDENCE. You will come home infused with a new sense of boldness and assurance of who you are, something that will make you unbelievably attractive. Changing the scenery and getting outside your comfort zone will give you amazing opportunities to discover how to love you as being perfectly single and explore the boundaries of your identity.
Say “yes” to defining yourself as happy and single, not single and looking.
The 2010 U.S. Census found nearly half of American adults – 100 million – are single, the highest rate in recent history. 61% of those single adults have never been married, and a 2006 survey of singles by the Pew Internet and American Life Project discovered that 55% of never-married singles had zero interest in seeking a romantic partner. These are people who truly fell in love with the single way of life, who say: “Single is who I really am, it really suits me. I’m not against coupling, I choose to be single because it’s the kind of life that’s most meaningful and productive for me.”
Unfortunately, many people searching for happiness think a relationship will fill that void and make them whole. I’m here to tell you it won’t. Happiness is a state dependent on your inner decisions, not your external circumstances. Choose to relish your current status! Even if you do still dream of getting married, learning how to love you as being perfectly single will ultimately make you a better life partner later on. Besides, you might just discover how much you truly enjoy being single and not want to give it up! The best way you can explore how to love you as being perfectly single is by embracing and whole-heartedly saying “YES” to this amazing time of life.
Joann Cohen
The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area
