Let’s face it: In today’s day and age, most of our communication is happening via text. When it comes to dating, texting can be a valuable tool but also your worst enemy. It all depends how you use it, and knowing how to text a guy you like can either make or break your connection. Texting is its own language, and we’re not all fluent!
The sad truth is many relationships never get off the ground due to a misunderstanding over text. What does his text mean? Oh no, he answered in three hours. He must not like me anymore.
Okay, let’s hit the pause button. Stop with the overanalyzing and endless worrying. This is the type of thinking that is wreaking havoc in your dating life. Texting is a skill, and one that can be strengthened with practice.
To communicate effectively, it’s important to understand texting etiquette. Here are eight tips to bring your texting game to the next level:
- Show more certainty
Confidence is sexy. Get straight to the point. For example, instead of texting “What are you up to tonight?” write, “Hey, I’m going to happy hour with some friends after work. You should join!” This communicates two things: first, it shows you have a fun life and second, it shows you are self-assured.
Another example is if he’s trying to fit you into his schedule, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’d rather meet up when you have more time (smile face).” In other words, you prefer to be contacted sooner and if he wants to make plans with you he has to put in more effort. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.
When you come from an authentic place, you give others permission to do the same. In dating, many people have their guard up, but if you demonstrate that you are open and honest, you will create deeper, more meaningful connections.
How to Text a Guy You Like
- Don’t overdo it
Patience is a virtue, ladies. If you’re texting a guy during the day and he hasn’t answered for a few hours, don’t go into panic mode and start sending follow up texts. This will make you appear insecure and needy. He’s working so don’t assume he is ignoring you. When he has time later he will respond. And if he doesn’t, well, then he wasn’t worth your time anyway.
In one study conducted by Match.com, researchers explored common texting mistakes, looking at grammar, emoji use and what habits annoy people most.
Here’s what they found:
- 63 percent of participants said they would prefer to receive one thoughtful message a day rather than tons of meaningless messages
- 34 percent of people said selfies are a turn off
- The biggest turn off: Only replying to one question if your date has asked several questions
While texting, it’s natural to get swept up in the thrill of meeting someone new. However, it’s important to put some thought into your messages in order to lock in that second date. The first post-date text exchange is about keeping the momentum going – letting each other know you had a good time, and are looking forward to date number two.
The bottom line: Be mindful of what you say and how you say it. Decrease the likelihood of miscommunication by making sure the tone you want to convey is clear.
- Don’t play hard to get
On the flipside, texting too little will send the wrong signal. Make no mistake, men are aware when you are playing games. When a man senses you are manipulating him – whether it’s always waiting for him to text you first or taking a certain amount of time to answer his texts, he will be turned off. If you want to date someone emotionally mature, make sure you reflect that in your behavior as well.
With texting, it’s about striking the right balance. As time passes, you will get into a groove and get used to each other’s texting patterns. In fact, studies show similarities in texting habits are associated with greater overall relationship satisfaction.
- Give value
“Hey what’s up?” is the equivalent of “Hey, I’m boring”.
Whether it’s a funny photo, a flirty message, the point is to show you are fun and interesting.
Here are several examples of how to text the guy you like:
- “I have the best story to tell you later.” This builds anticipation. Texting should be the prelude to an interesting conversation.
- “You have no idea what’s going through my mind right now (wink face emoji)”. This creates sexual tension.
- [Funny meme] “Reminded me of you” (laughing face emoji) This shows you have a sense of humor.
How to Text a Guy You Like
- Punctuate with purpose
It’s amazing what a difference punctuation can make in a text. For instance, “You’ve got to be kidding me” and “You’ve got to be kidding me!” has two completely different meanings. Whether it was intentional or not, the first one is flat and communicates that you’re angry. The second one is lighthearted and can be taken as more sarcastic and joking.
Which brings me to my next point…
- Know when to use emojis
When used properly, emojis can take your texting conversation to an entirely different level. Since you aren’t able to hear the tone of voice via text, emoijs can help express the underlying meaning of what you’re saying.
Similar to punctuation, emojis can completely change the meaning of a text. Let’s say the guy you’ve been seeing is hot and cold with texting. He sends you a text with a long list of reasons when he has been MIA. So, here’s what you can say: “It’s all good! Have a great week (smiley face).”
This response shows you are classy and his lack of effort isn’t bringing you down. You’re living your life and if he doesn’t want to be a part of it, that’s his loss.
Another example of using emojis could be, “Can’t wait to see you later (wink face).” The wink face adds an element of flirtation.
The Match.com study found the top five most off putting emojis are the horny devil, the bicep, the stick out tongue with the wink face, the aubergine and the poo face. 26 percent of people said they found the poo emoji “off-putting” (no surprise there).
The top five emojis for flirting include the blowing kiss face, the love heart eyes, the lip kiss, the winking face, and the stick-out tongue wink face.
- Avoid having serious talks over text
Even if you apply all the tips above, texting still leaves a ton of room for miscommunication. Don’t send a lengthy text about your feelings. If the conversation is important, communicating face to face is always the best course of action.
In fact, too much texting can damage your connection. According to a report published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, texting to apologize or sort out problems is linked to lower relationship quality for women. Interestingly for men, texting too often is linked to lower relationship quality.
So, if you have something important to say, say it in person or don’t say it at all.
- Focus on making plans and be specific
In the early stages of dating, your texts should mainly be focused around making plans. While it’s exciting that the guy you like is texting you so often, it could ultimately end up doing more harm than good. This is especially true with online dating.
If you’re sharing too much information early on via text, this can make things award in person. You may feel like you’ve already established an emotional connection, but this is just texting chemistry. This may not translate to face-to-face physical chemistry.
Whenever possible, do your best to try and steer the conversation in the direction of planning a date. For example, if you’re joking about how you both go to sleep early during the week, you can say something flirty like, “Well I think you can make an exception for me (wink face).”
With texting, it’s easy to come across as vague even when you’re interested. Eliminate the constant back and forth. Rather than “Let’s do something this week!” offer suggestions and dates/times you’re free. Direct is always the best approach.
If you wait too long to meet up, research shows the spark will fizzle out.
Comedian Aziz Ansari writes about this in his book Modern Romance, calling it “the secretary problem.” Ansari worked with Dr. Eric Klinenberg, Professor of Sociology at New York University, studying hundreds of focus groups to learn more about dating in the digital age. They found that when couples spent too much time scheduling a date they became disinterested and more often than not, the meetup never happens.
If you’re looking for dating advice, don’t hesitate to reach out! Save time meeting quality singles and check out my matchmaking services.