Feel like you’re stuck in a dating rut? Perhaps you’ve been out of the game for a while and you’re looking to get back out there. If that’s the case, Phoenix speed dating is a great opportunity to practice your skills, meet new people and perhaps even find that special someone.
During speed dating events, it’s inevitable you will hear some boring, cliché questions along the lines of: “How long have you lived in Phoenix?” and “What do you do for work?” (Yawn). You do not want to be this person.
When I coach clients I help them create interest by providing engaging questions and talking points, body language tips, and more. Since they don’t have me at a Phoenix speed dating event, I give them everything they need to make sure they feel confident and prepared.
Top 8 Tips for a Successful Speed Dating Experience
- When in Doubt, Say Yes
Contrary to what you see in Hollywood, you should not be aiming for a love at first sight, and the fireworks type of physical chemistry. It could happen (never say never!) but if you meet someone who seems interesting and there’s a curiosity on your part, say yes. The “maybes” are always worth exploring.
When I talk to clients, I encourage them to shift their perspective in terms of dating expectations. If you obsessively search for “the one” you will be left feeling frustrated and disappointed the majority of the time. Instead, get excited by the process rather than the outcome. Dating could be an exciting journey filled with new people and new places. It’s an opportunity to broaden your horizons, enhance your social skills, and grow as a person in the process.
- Dress to Impress
This seems obvious, but it’s important to mention. While attraction is made up of various components, physical appearance is the first thing someone notices about you.
Strike the right balance between over-dressing and under-dressing. Of course, you want to take pride in your appearance, but it will be a turn off to potential matches if you look like you’re trying too hard.
Choose an outfit that’s flattering, but one you also feel comfortable and confident in. If you look incredible, but feel uncomfortable, that will come across in your interactions.
Here’s a fun fact: Studies show first impressions may be more important for men than for women. According to this survey, one in five men said they experienced “love at first sight”, whereas, for women it was only one in 10.
- Present Your Best Self
Along with dressing attractively, make sure you are putting off positive, approachable energy. Even if you had the worst day at work or you’re not feeling at your best, it’s time to shake it off, smile and get ready to turn some heads. If it helps, give yourself a quick pep talk before going in. You’ve got this!
Also, you’ll want to ask the best questions for speed dating. This isn’t an interview, so don’t treat your interaction like an interrogation.
Presenting your best self means playing to your strengths. In other words, you want to highlight the most attractive parts of your personality. If you’re funny, for example, don’t be afraid to show off your sense of humor with witty, playful responses. Being bold enough to tease and make jokes also conveys confidence, which is the most attractive trait among both men and women.
If you like the man you’re talking to and want to let him know you’re interested, maintain eye contact and lean in your body towards him. Men aren’t mind readers, so it’s always good to let them know when they are on the right track with non-verbal cues.
In fact, did you know non-verbal communication (tone of voice and body language) accounts for 93 percent of communication? According to a study published in the Journal of Consulting Psychology, communication is 7 percent verbal, 38 percent vocal (tone of voice) and 55 percent visual (body language). To put it simply, it’s not what you say but how you say it.
In a study of 40 speed dates with heterosexual men and women, researchers found speed dating couples were more likely to want to see each other again if they had a similar language style.
“The more you use this group of words, called function words, similarly, the more you like each other,” says Molly Ireland, psychologist at Texas Tech University and lead researcher of the study. “When two people are matching each other’s use of, say, personal pronouns and articles, that means that they are on the same wavelength in terms of how they are connecting their thoughts and how they are thinking about the situation,” Ireland explains.
How to Win at Phoenix Speed Dating
- Stay Calm and Relaxed
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed, you are overthinking. Speed dating is supposed to be fun so don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
That being said, if you want to connect with others in a meaningful way, you have to come across as open and relaxed. If you’re nervous and uptight, chances are the people you interact with will feel awkward and uncomfortable.
Think about it this way: What’s the worse thing that can happen? You don’t meet anyone you’re interested in. But on the plus side, you were proactive, put yourself out there, and met some new people. In reality, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
And here’s something else to consider: In reality, there’s no reason you should be nervous. These people are strangers, so why do you care about their opinion of you? Plus, while you are busy focusing on how these people are judging you, you’re forgetting something even more important: What do you think of them? Does he or she possess the qualities you’re looking for in a partner? The bottom line: Be confident in who you are, stop focusing so much on impressing others, and focus on finding ways to connect.
- Avoid TMI
To all the ramblers reading this, please remind yourself to hit the pause button during your conversations. Don’t give away too much too soon.
Trust me, this man or woman doesn’t care about the latest office gossip or the painful breakup you had the week before. In his mind, all he’s thinking is “drama queen”. or to her “He’s not emotionally available”.
Even if you can’t think of anything to talk about, don’t resort to gossip and venting about past relationships. This is not the time or place. If you want this man to see you as a potential partner, you have to demonstrate you’re classy and kind-hearted.
So, what are good topics of conversation? There are two key points: keep it light and put the focus on the other person. People love to talk about themselves. Actively listen and reply thoughtfully when you can relate to what the other person is saying. Ironically, the best conversationalists are often those who say the least.
Here are some examples of talking points and best questions for speed dating:
- “I bet you’d be fun to do ____ with.”
For example, if the guy you are talking to says he loves football, you can reply with “I bet you’d be fun to go to a game with.” By saying this you are acknowledging his passion, while also planting the idea of a future date in his mind.
- “I LOVE the movie ____ that just came out. Have you seen it?”
This type of language expresses confidence and certainty. Even if he doesn’t agree with you, speaking with conviction and passion is attractive. You can spark a fun debate, and enjoy a bit of banter back and forth.
- “I can’t believe you don’t like country music! Guess we can’t be friends anymore.”
When you learn the art of teasing, this will take your flirting skills to the next level. This one line shows you’re playful and fun, while also building a little tension between you.
- “Can you please not wear that cologne/perfume? You’re not playing fair.”
Now, with this question facial expression and tone is everything. This is meant to be flattering and complimentary. It communicates you are attracted to him or her and by being sarcastic, you’re already building tension – a key component of attraction.
- What is your favorite thing to do around town?
Instead of the boring, what do you do for fun, this question gives you a better understanding of their interests. If they talk about one of your favorite hangouts, you have an instant conversation.
In Speed Dating, or any first date, stick to the positive. Don’t ask them about their worse dates, biggest fears, etc. If they feel negative, scared or any other non-positive emotion with your question – it sticks to you. They associate that feeling with you. So keep it positive.
Here are some more fun Speed Dating questions:
- What’s one of your secret talents?
- What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?
- What is one thing that you have always wanted to do, but have not yet done?
- Where is someplace you’ve never been that you really want to visit?
- What is something people would be surprised to learn about you.
- If money were no object, what is the one thing you would you buy for yourself?
- What’s the wildest adventure you’ve ever been on?
- If you could do any job what would you love to do?
Think of these questions as a trailer for the movie that is you. Are you leaving them wanting more?
- Don’t drink too much
You know your limits. When you are drinking at a Phoenix speed dating event (stay tuned for more information on events to attend), you always want to make sure you’re in control of your behavior.
Getting drunk is not a sexy look on anyone. You don’t want to come across as obnoxious, inappropriate or worse, wind up having a one-night stand with someone who could have been a long-term partner.
Have a good time, but remember to be responsible. You don’t want to end up saying or doing something that you will regret later.
- Reset yourself before each new interaction
If the last guy you spoke with was an arrogant jerk, don’t let that negativity seep into your conversation with the next one. Take a moment to process it, recharge your batteries, and move forward.
This also applies to positive interactions. If you met someone you found exciting and interesting, don’t shut yourself off to new potential matches. Remember, you don’t actually know any of these people.
Also, keep in mind conversations only last between five and eight minutes so you have a short period of time to make an impact. As I mentioned above, the best questions in speed dating are simple and light-hearted – nothing too serious, personal or controversial.
- Stay positive
Dating is as much about mindset as it is about action. Negative thoughts will lead to negative results. Stay optimistic about your love life and while you’re on this journey, focus on being the kind of person you want to date. Like attracts like, so if you’re looking for someone intelligent and interesting who lives a life filled with passion and purpose, make sure you are bringing all of those things to the table.
Most importantly, always be taking positive action toward improving your circumstances. When you pair positivity with patience and persistence, you will find happiness and fulfillment in your dating life.
Create the type of lifestyle that’s conducive to meeting people, and you will not only enhance your dating life, but you will enhance your life in general.
These tips can be used if you’re trying speed dating in Phoenix or speed dating anywhere. Try a few events and try a few new techniques. See what feels right for you.
If you’re looking for a personalized way to meet the right one, contact me. Find out if using a Matchmaker is right for you.