Dear Arizona Matchmaker:
Reader asks: Is Mystery Man Husband Material?
I’ve been seeing a 42-year-old and I’m 26. I’m pretty independent and educated. My guy asked for my number when he saw me at a public place. We went to the movies on the first date but other dates were at my apartment since he’s a single father and a full-time student. He catered to me, wanted to see me and would talk to me on the phone here and there. Now he only texts me here and there.
He told me he spent a day with his ex-wife and son one time, but it was to shop for his son and that’s why he didn’t text or call. I’m a little upset because he tells me he loves me, I’m unique, that he’s scared he’s falling for me. He asks me how’s work, if I’m OK and all that, here and there.
He was my first intimately so it’s frustrating. Last time he texted me and said he’s frustrated with school and wanted to make love, but I was on my time of month so he said he’ll wait for it to end. I’m getting mixed signals. I’m looking for husband material. He’s saying he doesn’t want to lose me because I’m an amazing woman, but he almost let me go because he’s scared.
What should I do? He doesn’t communicate well.
Dear Frustrated:
If you’re looking for husband material, or even a guy that’s out for more than a good time in the sack, you need to look elsewhere. I know it sucks, but it appears this guy has much more going on that being a single father and full-time student, as indicated by a number of red flags:
- All dates except one have been at your apartment: Appears he wants to keep the relationship hidden from public view, or has good reason (wife, live-in girlfriend, harem?) that you can never visit his house.
- Only texts you “here and there:” He apparently has to sneak in quick text messages whenever no one else is looking, another indication he has another gal or life going on.
- Didn’t come by when the monthly cycle hit: Indicates he’s not interested in you, only in having sex with you.
- His actions don’t match his words: This is a biggie that should never be ignored, especially when it comes to potential husband material. It’s also a prime indication of someone who is probably playing a game. Flip the tables and make him the loser by breaking it off now.
Husband material should be someone who is honest, open and truthful – all things this guy apparently is not. If he says he loves you, and then disappears for days on end, I’d hate to see what he acts like when he doesn’t love someone. That stuff about being “scared” of falling in love? I’ve seen much better baloney at the deli.
Yeah, I know it can be tough to face since it’s your first intimate relationship, but don’t think you’re alone with the first-time blues. I’ve heard other stories of first intimate relations that were, shall we say, less than perfect. Make that downright dreadful. Appears the first time can sometimes be the worst time, but that means it can only get better from here.
Cut him loose. Cut your losses. Chalk it up to a lesson learned. As I’ve said in all my Arizona matchmaker blogs, if this guy wanted to be with you, he would. Please don’t waste any more time and energy on this shady fellow. There are too many good guys waiting to be found. They’re out there!
Joann Cohen
The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area
