Relationships are supposed to bring us comfort and peace, but they don’t work that way for everyone. If you are experiencing a lot of relationship anxiety, it might be interfering with your ability to have a stable relationship. There are all sorts of things that might be driving your anxious feelings. The key is to find out what is making you feel so off balance, and balance yourself out. You will be amazed at how fulfilling a partnership can be when you stop fearing it.
8 Reasons you Might be Experiencing Relationship Anxiety
#1 You fear rejection. No one wants to be rejected, but for some people, the thought of it is overly anxiety-provoking. If you are someone who holds back in a relationship because you don’t want to get hurt, guess what?
It isn’t working. You are only creating a lot of undue stress. If you try to protect yourself from being hurt, you never truly let yourself be open to finding love. And, to find love, you have to be vulnerable. If you never let go, you will never experience the true bliss that can come from being in a loving relationship.
Unfortunately, you have to feel the sting of rejection to feel the acceptance of love. Keep in mind, even if you get hurt, it won’t last forever.
Your Past is Holding you Back
#2 You have been hurt in the past. Painful experiences can do a whole lot to damage future ones if you can’t let go of them. I hate to tell you, but there is no way of getting through this life without being hurt. Instead of focusing on how much it hurt when your previous relationship ended, focus on how great it was to feel that initial love.
No, you will never love someone the way that you did your ex. But, that is not a bad thing. We love everyone who walks into our lives in a different, but no less intense, way. Don’t let pain get in the way of experiencing the pleasure of being in love.
#3 You are conditioned for it. In previous generations, if someone didn’t call, they didn’t call. The new age of technology never allows people to stop thinking about communication and obsessing about it. Whether you are anxious because someone didn’t answer your social post or you are being blue ticked, that continual looking for confirmation is creating the anxiety in you.
If you find that social media or things like the “read” message on your iPhone are driving you mad, stop the insanity. We are all being conditioned to care about things that we shouldn’t, and it is distracting us from what is really important. Stop looking for signs that things aren’t going well, and focus on what is going right.
You are Lacking Confidence
#4 You feel unworthy. If you feel as if you aren’t good enough to be with someone that can be driving your relationship anxiety. Often, when you don’t feel good about who you are, you project those feelings onto other people.
Not feeling confident can make you a nervous wreck. It can also be pushing your mate away, which only further perpetuates your anxiety. Instead of focusing on how your partner is way too good for you, start to build up your own confidence.
If you do, you will feel worthy of love and stop being so scared that you aren’t good enough. Perhaps what is driving your relationship anxiety is that you are worried if they discover who you really are, you will lose them. You deserve good things, however. It is time for you to start liking yourself instead of worrying about whether other people like you.
Your Dating the Wrong Person
#5 You’re with the wrong person. There are times when you can be in love with someone, but that doesn’t mean that they are right or good for you. Certain personality types, unfortunately, don’t do so well together, but your heart doesn’t know that.
If you are a pleaser and your mate tends to be more of a narcissist, that is a recipe for disaster. Your relationship anxiety might be because your mate makes you feel the way you do due to the difference in your personalities. If you’ve never felt the amount of relationship anxiety that you are experiencing right now, then it might be that you are in a relationship with the wrong person.
It doesn’t necessarily make anyone wrong or not a good person. It is just that oil and water don’t go together, it is that simple. As hard as it is to recognize, your relationship anxiety might not be coming from within, but, instead, created from your communication with your current partner.
It is Something More Than Relationship Anxiety
#6 You have an underlying anxiety issue. Having relationship anxiety is not uncommon. But, if it is destroying your relationships with people, then it might be more than just a little relationship anxiety. Your anxiety might be a pattern of behaviors that signal something a little more.
Anxiety disorders can become worse when you are in situations that provoke a large amount of emotion like relationships. If you are feeling anxious all the time and having a hard time finding stability in your relationships, globally, then it might be something you want to examine with a professional.
There are many ways to overcome anxiety issues. The first step is to acknowledge that it is something a little more than “relationship anxiety,” and to see how it might be affecting all of your relationships, romantic and otherwise.
You Fear Being Alone
#7 You are afraid to be alone. For some people, being alone can be so fear-provoking that they stay in bad relationships or try to make those that aren’t working, work. It is normal to fear to be alone and lonely, but not at the expense of your happiness.
If you are so fearful of being single that you aren’t enjoying being with someone because you are continually worried they are going to leave, you might be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is very draining to be with someone who is constantly worried that you are going to leave. If they need to provide you continual reassurance, it is a burden. And that burden will likely become tiresome.
If you want to reduce relationship anxiety, spend more time getting to know yourself. Find things that you like to do alone. Being alone is way less fear-provoking if you enjoy being with you. It will also make you more attractive to your mate. That attraction will help take away some of the fear of losing them.
Your Attachment Style is to Blame
#8 You have an insecure attachment style. Your attachment style is formed early on in childhood, usually within the first two years of life. It is the way that you develop intimate relationships with people based on the security that you felt with your caregivers. Unfortunately, the attachment style you develop tends to be long-lasting and hard to distinguish, even if it is nonproductive and driving your relationship anxiety.
If you developed an attachment with your parents that was anxious and non-secure, then it is possible that your attachment style might be causing your relationship anxiety. Growing up, if you didn’t ever feel emotionally safe, it could be driving your inability to get close to others.
For the ambivalent/anxious attachment style, the minute things are good; they sabotage things. It is a way to attach to people can end in a whole lot of stress and failed relationships. The good news is that, whatever your attachment style is, it is possible to find a more secure pattern of behaviors and find security to and extinguish your relationship anxiety.
A Little Relationship Anxiety is Normal
But Do Away With it and See How Good You Feel!
Relationship anxiety is not uncommon at times in a relationship, but if you find that it is beginning to become obsessive or that it is clouding your happiness, it is time to take a step back. The only way to overcome relationship anxiety is to live in the moment, stop thinking about the past, or what will happen in the future. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to control what is going to happen, you can’t.
If you can let go of blue ticks, read messages, and all the other peripheral noise in your relationship and focus on the positive, you will slowly see that relationship anxiety slip away. And when it does, the voices will stop and you can finally enjoy just being in love.
Being in a loving relationship is not easy. If you find a way to love yourself, feel confident in who you are, and know that no matter what happens in your partnership, you will always have you, peace will come to you. Take your relationship anxiety by the reins, find out what is driving it and take steps to fix it. That is the only way that you will find a loving a fulfilling relationship forever.
Contact Joann Cohen Matchmaker today to discuss how to find you an anxiety-free love that will last forever. She also has the dating advice to overcome nonproductive behaviors that might be keeping you single. Joann Cohen’s Arizona dating services include dating coaching, relationship advice and matchmaking.