Tag Archives: dating advice for men

Why Women Test You During Dating

Getting an “A” in Business and a “C” in Dating?
Find out Why Women Test You During Dating

Why Women Test You

I was speaking with one of my male friends at lunch recently when something he said caught my attention. Bob (not his real name) is like many of you, successful, hard working, a self-made man who has overcome many obstacles to reach the top. But one aspect of Bob’s life was bothering him. His dating life. Specifically, why some of the women that he dates “test” him. I’m sure that you can relate.

“Why do women do it Joann? Can’t they tell that I’m a good guy? I mean, I’m educated. I make a decent living. I’m reasonably nice looking and I’m pretty normal. So why do these women that I go out with always try to test me? Why do women test you during dating?

In speaking further with Bob, I asked him what behaviors he considered as “testing.”

“Ignoring my calls or texts. Saying they’ll be on time only to be late for a date. Continually wanting to know details about past relationships. Intentionally making what I think is a little thing into an argument. Sometimes I feel like I’m being pushed on purpose. I don’t need that. I was tested in school and in my professional life, I don’t need this in my private life. I don’t have time for games.”

Unfortunately for Bob, what he’s experienced is fairly common in the dating world. And you my dear readers must be prepared for similar treatment from some of the women that you encounter. So why do some women “test” you?

Because for some women, especially those that have been dating for a while, have good reasons to “test” their potential life partner. That’s right, I said “life partner” because even though you may be dating casually, for many women a casual date could be the beginning of a long-term relationship. Something that some women are seeking because they ultimately crave stability in their personal life.

Thus, women test their potential partners, in all sorts of ways based on their previous life experiences to see how they will react.

  • To see if they are committed.
  • How they deal with stressful situations.
  • To observe if they get angry or what gets them angry.
  • To see if you are who you say you are.

Notice I’m putting the emphasis on your reaction to their “test.” That’s what women who do this are looking for. So how do you deal to a woman who is testing you and what else does it mean?

The good news is that if a woman is interested enough to test you. It may mean that she’s really interested. See the testing as a sign that she is trying to validate who you are because she may see you as a man of worth. If you are interested in her as well, then act accordingly and demonstrate to her that you are the guy you say you are. Here are some suggested tips:

  • She doesn’t return your calls or texts. Don’t take this personally. You are busy and she may be as well. React as you would if you texted/called a male buddy when he doesn’t acknowledge your contact. Wait a bit and try again and don’t refer to the prior communication. Be calm and cool.
  • She’s late for a date or keeps you waiting applying make up, etc. Again, don’t take this personally. If you are a planner, which you might be since you are successful in business, apply the same planning with her. Take her behavior into account and schedule the date accordingly.

Getting into arguments over “little things.” Arguing with a potential romantic partner is never a good idea. Instead, try stepping back, and really listening to what she is trying to tell you or find out from you. You may determine there is a reason for her attempt to intentionally prod you into becoming upset. Don’t fall for it.

Wanting to know details about your prior relationships. How much and when you reveal this is up to each individual. If you have a practice about not talking about past relationships, tell her. She may appreciate your discretion. Or, share only what you feel comfortable with but never speak ill of your past relationships. The woman testing you is trying to find out why your prior relationship didn’t work or how you handled the break up.

As lunch ended, I shared these tips about why women test you with Bob. Based on his dating experiences, he was able to acknowledge that in some cases, I was giving him the right advice. But what about those women that are not testing you? That really act this way intentionally? I’m sure you’ve met them too. I’ll address that topic in my next blog.

Until then, to help you navigate the often-complex world of dating, contact me to set up an individual coaching session by clicking here.

Why Women Want Confident Men

why women like confident menWonder what women really want? Why Women Want Confident Men

As a dating coach and Phoenix matchmaker, I’ve talked to hundreds of women about their ideal man. The one trait that appears on lists over and over is confidence. Many men ask, “What about being the nice guy?” Yes, women like nice guys. But being the nice guy is often code for being shy, submissive, and a pushover, which is the last thing women want in a man. The simple fact is women really like confident men. Why Women Want Confident Men. We’ll get to why confidence is so important to women in a moment, but first it’s important to start with some definitions.

What confidence is not
Confidence is not arrogance, heroics, bravado, or an overdeveloped ego. Think of the Wannabe Pickup Artist who studies all types of techniques to “neg” women. They try to manipulate women by telling stories they have told a hundred times and using other games. All those things only serve to cover up insecurity. Women don’t want a man who’s putting on a flashy face of false bravery. They’re looking for the real deal.

What confidence is
True confidence is self-assurance. Genuinely confident men don’t feel a need to try too hard. They aren’t out to prove anything – to themselves or anyone else. They are secure in who they are, exuding an attitude of “I can handle this.”

Why is this attitude of confidence so important to women? Here are four top reasons Why Women Want Confident Men:

1.    Confident Men are Successful.
The affects of confidence extend beyond the dating realm. When men are confident, success follows them in all areas of life. A confident man is a man who believes in himself. And that’s an attitude that doesn’t go unnoticed. It will attract women. It will also attract promotion and success in his career. From a purely biological perspective, women are looking for the “alpha male,”. Confidence is a key sign to women a man fits that description.

2.    Confident men pursue women.
Because they aren’t consumed with their own insecurities, confident men are able to pursue women without inhibition. This confidence puts women at ease, creating a sense of safety and security in the relationship. Establishing that relational dynamic gives women the sense they can let down their guard, open up, and receive love.

3.    Confident men are self-controlled.
This simply means that rather than waiting for others to make them happy, confident men take charge of their own lives and become responsible for their fulfillment. This keeps them from desperately trying to force others into taking on that responsibility. Having this attitude is true sexually. Why? Because it frees men up to simply be present with their partner instead of only seeking their own pleasure and fulfillment.

4.    Confident men are strong.
Confidence is the ultimate display of masculinity. It communicates strength, capability, and reliability. All qualities that sense of safety, which is so important for women. And women feel confident men are emotionally balanced and stable. This allows her to feel there’s a solid foundation for a lifelong relationship.

One of the best ways men can become more confident is by focusing on becoming very good at their purpose and mission in life. For more tips on becoming a more confident man, read some of my other blogs about dating tips for men. Or, for more personalized assistance, consider my Dating Lifestyle Makeover program, or an Ultimate Straight Talk for Men session.

Warning Signs You’re Dating a Gold Digger

Dating a Gold DiggerDo You Know the Warning Signs You’re Dating a Gold Digger?

Everybody likes to feel loved and appreciated for who they are. In an ideal world, we find this acceptance and unconditional love in the person we spend the rest of our lives with. Unfortunately, dating relationships can end with one partner feeling used and taken advantage of by the other. This is especially true of wealthy men who find themselves dating a dreaded gold digger. Do you know the Warning Signs You’re Dating a Gold Digger ?

I’ve been called the “Phoenix Millionaire Matchmaker” by clients who have approached me for help finding a real woman. After building a successful career and achieving many of their goals, these millionaires get burned one too many times by gold diggers: women who are only in it for the money, not the man. All these men really want is to find a feminine, smart, and sane woman they can love. As THE Phoenix Matchmaker, here are warning signs I’ve observed that mean your new girlfriend might be a gold digger:

She’s overly interested in what you do for a living.
It’s normal for questions about your career to come up early on in the relationship. After all, you are getting to know each other. What’s not normal is to date a girl who right off the bat wants to know every detail about how much money you make. Even if she doesn’t blatantly ask this question, she could be fishing for an answer with a myriad of more subtle questions like what car you drive, what kind of vacations you take, where you shop for clothes, and what  your house is like.

She never pays for anything.
Culturally, it’s common for men to pick up the tab on date night. However, as your relationship progresses, a “normal” girl will at least offer to pay for her half of dinner or coffee instead of always assuming you’ll get it. Gold diggers will conveniently “leave their wallet at home” or disappear to the bathroom right as the check comes. From expensive concert tickets to the candy bar at the store, you won’t see her pay for anything.

She’s always in some kind of financial crisis.
Not only does the gold digger actively avoid paying for anything, she’s also highly likely to ask you for money. It’s typical for romantic partners to help each other out once in a while when they need it, but this usually doesn’t happen until they’ve been together quite a while. Gold diggers, however, will spin a tale of hardship and woe early on in a relationship, asking for money to help out with basic bills while continuing to freely spend cash on frivolous purchases that help them “keep up appearances.”

She has very expensive taste.
Most girls love being pampered and treated like a princess. Most men enjoy getting to be that “knight in shining armor” making her dreams come true. But gold diggers take this too far by expecting everything given to her to be top-of-the-line, designer, exclusive, and expensive. In fact, she will likely be offended if every date doesn’t include a huge bouquet, a ritzy dinner, and a sparkly token of your affection. Healthy relationships balance out the princess treatment by having picnic lunches, date night at home, and other less extravagant dates as well as expensive ones.

She doesn’t use “please” and “thank you.”
A gold digger only values material possessions in your relationship. She expects and does not appreciate the things you do get her without doing anything for you. Many times, she will be visibly disappointed and even angry if your gifts aren’t as extravagant as she feels she deserves. Even the mention of doing something less expensive once in a while is likely to elicit threats of ending the relationship. She honestly believes it’s her right to be treated like a princess, but she is unwilling to ever do anything generous in return for you.

If you are dating a gold digger, it’s time to end the relationship. She won’t change, and will never be the loving life partner you deserve. While at the beginning it feels good to be her hero, gold diggers will only continue to suck you dry emotionally and financially. You deserve better than that!

Warning Signs You’re Dating a Gold Digger

If you’re tired of striking out with gold diggers, I can be your dating coach and help you meet your true match. As the Phoenix Matchmaker in Phoenix, I carefully interview and screen every woman before she is introduced to one of my clients. Don’t let yourself be used again; let me help you find that fulfilling and drama-free relationship for you!