Tag Archives: dating advice for women

Do You Try to Rescue Men?

do you rescue menDo You Try to Rescue Men?

Throughout my years of being the Phoenix Date Coach, I have seen one consistent pattern for many women.  Trying to rescue their men. They go from one man to another who at the start seems like a great guy who just needs someone who believes him. And you decide that’s you! Do You Try to Rescue Men?

“So he’s a little dysfunctional,” you say, “We’re all a little dysfunctional, right?” In theory, yes. But you will get into trouble every time you think you can “fix” anyone.

Angry alcoholic? Drug addiction? Bad gambling habit? Difficulty holding a job? No friends? Unhealthy relationship habits? There are some dysfunctions that need to be dealt with before entering a committed relationship. Especially a relationship with you.

It is not unreasonable for you to expect a certain level of emotional and relational wholeness from a person. You won’t find a perfect man, but you can’t swing too far the other way and be willing to put yourself in unhealthy relationships that could have very damaging long-term effects.

The women I have coached have usually spent a lot of time trying to rescue their men. Despite their efforts, these men stuck to their old habits. Eventually the women give up but wonder  if with a little bit “more” they could have helped OR they swore off dating another man with a drinking, spending habit or any other dysfunctional habit. And perhaps they did. But they usually start another relationship with a man with a different dysfunctional habit. Yes, he may not be the alcoholic, food addict, unemployed but has a new type of dysfunction. And you again have another man who is another fix him up project.

And going after the very dysfunctional guy only leads to heartbreak.  If you have a pattern of dating dysfunctional men, it is not bad luck. Yes, my lovely, look in the mirror. It is you that is the problem AND the solution. Because no one can stop your habit of dating dysfunctional men but you. Remember you can’t fix anyone but you (repeat that every time you meet the man who you have the urge to fix). So if you see this as a pattern, here’s some food for thought:

  • Why do I need to be needed?
  • What drives my desire to turn a relationship into a project?
  • Why am I so driven to try and “rescue” people?

As a Phoenix Dating Coach, I know that the ultimate solution to your problem is to know exactly what you’re looking to get out of a relationship. If you’re looking for a healthy, fun, committed, forever relationship, you need to focus on making yourself a healthy, whole person first. A chronic pattern of falling for the wrong guy is a pretty strong indication you need to spend some time being introspective and working out your personal motivations.

Do the work now so you will have the healthy relationship where no one (including you) needs rescuing.

Do You Try to Rescue Men? If you are ready to stop and start dating emotionally healthy men, work with me. Find out more about my dating coaching services for women by clicking here

 

Is He Not Interested in a Relationship with You?

Is he interested in a relationshipHow Can You Know Is He Not Interested in a Relationship with You?

I’ve talked to dozens of women who haven’t read the signs in their relationship. They ask me how to tell if ” Is He Not Interested in a Relationship with You? ”  They come to me for dating advice after wasting months in a relationship with a man who is obviously not interested in a relationship with her. Obvious, that is, to everyone except the woman in the relationship.

They spend a lot of time making excuses for disinterested behavior and refuse to read the writing on the wall that they man they’re dating just isn’t interested. If you’re in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere, you should take a step back to evaluate why. “Is He Not Interested in a Relationship with You?”  If the following characteristics describe your relationship, you might be dating a man who isn’t interested in you:

  • Communication is inconsistent at best. If it always takes him more than 24 hours to respond to your calls and texts, this is a red flag you should pay attention to. You can tell yourself he’s busy or has a big project or has bad reception at his house, but if his communication MO is to take a day or two before getting back to you, the likely answer is that he’s not interested in dating you.
  • You do all the planning. A guy who wants to be in a relationship with you will put effort into it. If you’re the only one initiating the time you spend together, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate.
  • He won’t commit to anything. This commitment-phobia can mean avoiding a concrete answer about getting pizza together on Friday night to long-term life plans. If he can’t make plans more than 24 hours in advance, it’s only fair for you to ask him some serious “why” questions.
  • He only comes around when he wants or needs something from you…especially when that ‘something’ is sex. If he only comes to see you when he wants to get busy in the bedroom, it’s time you call your relationship what it is. When you’re looking for a committed relationship, don’t shortchange yourself by settling for being just “friends with benefits.”
  • He’s always ‘busy’ when it comes to spending time with you. He often chooses to hang out with his buddies or family instead of you, putting you in the lowest spot in the priority totem pole. He might be busy, yes, but when a man is genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with someone, they will bend over backwards to find a way to make it work.
  • You haven’t met his friends or family, and he doesn’t seem motivated to meet yours. After you’ve been on a few dates, it’s normal to start meeting someone’s friends and eventually their family. Avoiding this relationship milestone is an indicator that he doesn’t want to make you a permanent part of his life.
  • He’s a really big flirt. Some people are just friendly. But some people are really “friendly,” if you know what I mean. If he’s asking questions about your attractive female friends, flirting with the waitress, and telling you he’s OK with you dating other men, you should realize it means he’s keeping his options open and isn’t committed to a relationship with you.

If you’ve seen these warning signs, he probably isn’t interested in you.

Men are generally pretty uncomplicated. Women often try to read more subtext and meaning behind their words and actions than there really is. Remember – It will always be his actions – not his words- that will let you know a man’s true intentions. He’s not trying to be mean, he’s simply doing what he sees is best for himself.

As a smart, pretty, professional woman, you deserve a man who’s interested in pursuing you. Don’t waste your time dating him; take my dating advice and move on, and invest your energies looking for a man who will give you a fulfilling and satisfying relationship.

What Does Your Prince Charming Look Like?

how to meet the right manHas He Found You Yet – What Does Your Prince Charming Look Like?

As a little girl, you way have dreamed of getting swept away by Prince Charming. In your mind, you knew exactly what he would look like… tall, handsome and have a head full of hair. It doesn’t help that growing up we were bombarded with images of the perfect prince and what he would/should look like. So as a little girl, if you knew you would marry a shorter, balding man you most likely cry and ask for an immediate rewrite of your fairytale. But through experience, you hopefully learned there is much more than just looks.

As the Phoenix Dating Coach I’ve heard many women talk about going on a date with that “guy” that is perfect in the looks department. But once getting to know him, you realize there just isn’t a connection or he doesn’t have the personal attributes you are looking for in a man. He may be… well as interesting as a …rock. A guy can be wonderful to look at, but if there is no chemistry, then he’s not the right one for you.

Of course, it is important to have some sort of physical attraction. Though once getting to know a man and his true nature, it can easily grow or lessen the physical attraction you feel towards him. A man can easily grow more handsome in your eyes, after you get to know his amazing personality. Or he can grow to look more like a toad, if he is a jerk.

You may have that gorgeous girlfriend who is with someone who you think does not come close to her level of attractiveness. You may think she deserves a Brad Pitt, while she chooses to date a Lyle Lovett. But beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and the man she is dating may bring her more happiness and laughter than any Brad Pitt look-a-like could. I had a client who has a devoted boyfriend who some may view as unattractive, while she’s quite hot stuff. So why is she with him? He treats her like a princess; plans unique and fun vacations, he makes her laugh, they have a fantastic time when they’re together, she feels appreciated by him and he makes her laugh. Don’t you want a relationship like that?

What Does Your Prince Charming Look Like?

That is why next time you get hit on by a man, who does not fit your typical attractiveness standards, try giving him a chance. There may turn out to be no chemistry at all, or it could be a true match made in heaven.

Looks do fade over time, but the personality will stay. I am absolutely not saying to settle and make a classified that states “Looking for Unattractive Man”, but what I am saying is to be open to getting to know someone before writing him off. That man that hit on you, may turn out to blow your little girl image of Prince Charming out the window.

Ready for a new idea of What Does Your Prince Charming Look Like?  Ready to meet the right one? Click here to find out how the Phoenix Dating Coach can help you get the relationship you’ve always wanted.

What Men Find Unattractive in Women

 what mephoenix matchmaker - n find unattractive in women

Phoenix Matchmaker tells you the inside scoop! What Men Find Unattractive in Women

Over the years I’ve interviewed many men about who they’re looking for and who they’re not. As a Phoenix Matchmaker I talk to men after each date – what he really felt about the woman.I know What Men Find Unattractive in Women.

As Phoenix Dating Coach, I’ve talked to hundreds of men about their dating experiences and what men found attractive in women.

What Men Find Unattractive in Women – may surprise you.

  •  Too thin. We’re constantly dieting to get the lean look of models. But my clients don’t want a super thin woman. And that means they’re typical men!

Ladies – you’ve got it wrong. Studies consistently show that women incorrectly guess how thin a man wants a woman. Women try to copy magazine models while men want curves!

Real curves – which is the difference between the waist and hips. Studies show the most preferred curve is the waist is 70% as wide as the hips. A too thin woman will lose her curves and lose the man!

  •  Too Much Makeup. I love the stuff too. But there’s a point where the man sees the makeup and not you.  I’ve had many of a man tell me they love a woman’s natural look – and I know she always spends lots of time concealing, highlighting – the normal stuff we do.

Some women who take it too far. The makeup is obvious –eyelashes are unnaturally long, the eye shadow gives the peacock vibe, and so on. Chances are that if men comment on your makeup – you’re wearing too much.  (Check out my Drab to Fab Workshop where you’ll learn how to apply makeup that enhances but doesn’t hide you)

  •  Women who don’t like men. These are the women who think making continual jokes about how awful men are – is really funny. You may have friends like this. They’ll usually say “All men are …..” and it’s never good.

These are bitter women. Perhaps they were mistreated in past love relationships, work situations or feel women have it rougher than men. They’ll take out their resentment on the nearest guy. It can be sarcastic remarks, not so funny jokes or frequent stories about how men have done them wrong.

Men can sense these suppressed anger and move on to friendly territory. (Learn how your friends can secretly stop you from finding your love partner in my Drab to Fab Workshop).

  • Desperate Women. This is the woman who wants a relationship so badly that she makes it clear she’ll do anything and everything to land the man.

It could be the baby clock going off, all of her friends are in relationships and she’s the last single person she knows; or after a string of bad dates – she finds herself on a date with a great guy. She suddenly loses confidence and wants to really make sure she “seals the deal” with this one.

I’ve coached many women who kick themselves on how they messed up by trying to over please on a first date. The great guy sensed the desperation/neediness and disappeared forever.

  • Fake and not fun Women. Often this is the woman who is nervous, self-protective and holds back. During the date – she plays it “safe” by not showing her real personality, spark, passion and fun side. She’s waiting for him to make her feel comfortable, to prove himself, too afraid to be herself, or is too busy listening and judging.

I had a female client that was doing my Drab to Fab Dating Makeover. She had a few so-so online dates and knew she was “fine” on first dates. I brought in to work with one of my very attractive trained coaches and me. I wanted to see how she how was on her “fine” first dates. She practiced her first date and she was blah. Boring!

I knew this client had a sparkle, an adorable smile that reminded you of a spunky school girl, eyes that glowed with life, a feminine, appreciative woman. But that woman didn’t show up on the date. Instead she held back her true self and became bland. And bland isn’t attractive.

My client didn’t sense she was being unauthentic by playing it safe. Because playing safe allowed her to feel comfortable – she felt she was fine. But playing it safe was not going to attract her perfect partner. The partner – who loved her girlish smile, appreciated her fun self, her passion for life.

After dating coaching – her true self showed up on her dates. Not only was she more successful at dates– she had more fun. And men appreciated her true sparkle!

 As  The Phoenix Matchmaker I know  – A man wants a woman who is real, feminine, has enthusiasm about what she’s doing. A woman who wants the man and will open her heart and life to him.

If you are ready to be the real you and meet the man you have always wanted, start your dating makeover. Click to find out more