Tag Archives: Phoenix Dating coach

How to Love You As Being Perfectly Single

Arizona Matchmaker How to Love You As Being Perfectly Single

 

As a Phoenix Dating Coach, it might seem odd for me to write about how to love you as being perfectly single. But here’s what I’ve learned in my experience as the Scottsdale Matchmaker: you can’t be happy in a relationship until you’re happy with you. I talk to many singles whose only desire is to find a relationship. While there’s nothing wrong with this, many of these singles are wasting away what could be one of the most fun, enjoyable, and fulfilling seasons of their life. Learning how to love you as being perfectly single starts by saying “yes” to this part of the journey in a few different ways…

Say “yes” to things you wouldn’t normally do.
When you’re single, you have the unique privilege of being allowed to be selfish. You aren’t accountable to a significant other. You don’t have kids to look out for. You get to do whatever you want without worrying about what your partner’s friends or family will think. You only have you to focus on. To tell you the truth, this is an amazing time of life to learn, experiment, and expand your horizons beyond your normal comfort zones. Stay out all night, go skinny-dipping in the park, decide on a whim to fly across the country for a long weekend. You may not always have the freedom to do these things; enjoy it while you can! Learning how to love you as being perfectly single frees you from responsibilities and obligations so you can freely explore and develop who you are as a person.

Say “yes” to dating out of type.
Jolt yourself out of the rut of dating only with the long-term in mind. Here’s the thing: there are plenty of amazing people out there you could get along well with, have fun with, and make awesome memories with – that you would never even consider marrying. Being happily single frees you up to date for fun. Now is the time to date the “bad boy” or the “crazy girl.” Give relationships with people you wouldn’t normally go out with a try. Doing so will teach you about the richness of life and humanity. People are diverse, and dating a diverse range of people will increase your tolerance and exposure to new ways of thinking and living. The best part about dating out of type? You’ll eventually stop categorizing people as “relationship material” or “non-relationship material.” You’ll start appreciating people for the sake of who they are rather than their potential as a spouse.

Say “yes” to traveling alone.
So many people have dreams of traveling the world. My advice? Go do it! Don’t wait until you find your “perfect man/woman” to get out and have adventures. Traveling alone, you’ll have to interact with other people and the travel community is a friendly bunch to be around. In strange places with people you’ll probably never see again, let your hair down, so to speak, and see what adventures you encounter. The greatest gift traveling alone gives anyone is a huge boost in CONFIDENCE. You will come home infused with a new sense of boldness and assurance of who you are, something that will make you unbelievably attractive. Changing the scenery and getting outside your comfort zone will give you amazing opportunities to discover how to love you as being perfectly single and explore the boundaries of your identity.

Click for my TV Interview -Being Single

Say “yes” to defining yourself as happy and single, not single and looking.
The 2010 U.S. Census found nearly half of American adults – 100 million – are single, the highest rate in recent history. 61% of those single adults have never been married, and a 2006 survey of singles by the Pew Internet and American Life Project discovered that 55% of never-married singles had zero interest in seeking a romantic partner. These are people who truly fell in love with the single way of life, who say: “Single is who I really am, it really suits me. I’m not against coupling, I choose to be single because it’s the kind of life that’s most meaningful and productive for me.”

Unfortunately, many people searching for happiness think a relationship will fill that void and make them whole. I’m here to tell you it won’t. Happiness is a state dependent on your inner decisions, not your external circumstances. Choose to relish your current status! Even if you do still dream of getting married, learning how to love you as being perfectly single will ultimately make you a better life partner later on. Besides, you might just discover how much you truly enjoy being single and not want to give it up! The best way you can explore how to love you as being perfectly single is by embracing and whole-heartedly saying “YES” to this amazing time of life.

Ladies, to meet other fabulous single women, say yes and attend the Arizona Matchmaker’s Single Divas Event.

Joann Cohen

The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area

Do You Try to Rescue Men?

do you rescue menDo You Try to Rescue Men?

Throughout my years of being the Phoenix Date Coach, I have seen one consistent pattern for many women.  Trying to rescue their men. They go from one man to another who at the start seems like a great guy who just needs someone who believes him. And you decide that’s you! Do You Try to Rescue Men?

“So he’s a little dysfunctional,” you say, “We’re all a little dysfunctional, right?” In theory, yes. But you will get into trouble every time you think you can “fix” anyone.

Angry alcoholic? Drug addiction? Bad gambling habit? Difficulty holding a job? No friends? Unhealthy relationship habits? There are some dysfunctions that need to be dealt with before entering a committed relationship. Especially a relationship with you.

It is not unreasonable for you to expect a certain level of emotional and relational wholeness from a person. You won’t find a perfect man, but you can’t swing too far the other way and be willing to put yourself in unhealthy relationships that could have very damaging long-term effects.

The women I have coached have usually spent a lot of time trying to rescue their men. Despite their efforts, these men stuck to their old habits. Eventually the women give up but wonder  if with a little bit “more” they could have helped OR they swore off dating another man with a drinking, spending habit or any other dysfunctional habit. And perhaps they did. But they usually start another relationship with a man with a different dysfunctional habit. Yes, he may not be the alcoholic, food addict, unemployed but has a new type of dysfunction. And you again have another man who is another fix him up project.

And going after the very dysfunctional guy only leads to heartbreak.  If you have a pattern of dating dysfunctional men, it is not bad luck. Yes, my lovely, look in the mirror. It is you that is the problem AND the solution. Because no one can stop your habit of dating dysfunctional men but you. Remember you can’t fix anyone but you (repeat that every time you meet the man who you have the urge to fix). So if you see this as a pattern, here’s some food for thought:

  • Why do I need to be needed?
  • What drives my desire to turn a relationship into a project?
  • Why am I so driven to try and “rescue” people?

As a Phoenix Dating Coach, I know that the ultimate solution to your problem is to know exactly what you’re looking to get out of a relationship. If you’re looking for a healthy, fun, committed, forever relationship, you need to focus on making yourself a healthy, whole person first. A chronic pattern of falling for the wrong guy is a pretty strong indication you need to spend some time being introspective and working out your personal motivations.

Do the work now so you will have the healthy relationship where no one (including you) needs rescuing.

Do You Try to Rescue Men? If you are ready to stop and start dating emotionally healthy men, work with me. Find out more about my dating coaching services for women by clicking here

 

Why Women Want Confident Men

why women like confident menWonder what women really want? Why Women Want Confident Men

As a dating coach and Phoenix matchmaker, I’ve talked to hundreds of women about their ideal man. The one trait that appears on lists over and over is confidence. Many men ask, “What about being the nice guy?” Yes, women like nice guys. But being the nice guy is often code for being shy, submissive, and a pushover, which is the last thing women want in a man. The simple fact is women really like confident men. Why Women Want Confident Men. We’ll get to why confidence is so important to women in a moment, but first it’s important to start with some definitions.

What confidence is not
Confidence is not arrogance, heroics, bravado, or an overdeveloped ego. Think of the Wannabe Pickup Artist who studies all types of techniques to “neg” women. They try to manipulate women by telling stories they have told a hundred times and using other games. All those things only serve to cover up insecurity. Women don’t want a man who’s putting on a flashy face of false bravery. They’re looking for the real deal.

What confidence is
True confidence is self-assurance. Genuinely confident men don’t feel a need to try too hard. They aren’t out to prove anything – to themselves or anyone else. They are secure in who they are, exuding an attitude of “I can handle this.”

Why is this attitude of confidence so important to women? Here are four top reasons Why Women Want Confident Men:

1.    Confident Men are Successful.
The affects of confidence extend beyond the dating realm. When men are confident, success follows them in all areas of life. A confident man is a man who believes in himself. And that’s an attitude that doesn’t go unnoticed. It will attract women. It will also attract promotion and success in his career. From a purely biological perspective, women are looking for the “alpha male,”. Confidence is a key sign to women a man fits that description.

2.    Confident men pursue women.
Because they aren’t consumed with their own insecurities, confident men are able to pursue women without inhibition. This confidence puts women at ease, creating a sense of safety and security in the relationship. Establishing that relational dynamic gives women the sense they can let down their guard, open up, and receive love.

3.    Confident men are self-controlled.
This simply means that rather than waiting for others to make them happy, confident men take charge of their own lives and become responsible for their fulfillment. This keeps them from desperately trying to force others into taking on that responsibility. Having this attitude is true sexually. Why? Because it frees men up to simply be present with their partner instead of only seeking their own pleasure and fulfillment.

4.    Confident men are strong.
Confidence is the ultimate display of masculinity. It communicates strength, capability, and reliability. All qualities that sense of safety, which is so important for women. And women feel confident men are emotionally balanced and stable. This allows her to feel there’s a solid foundation for a lifelong relationship.

One of the best ways men can become more confident is by focusing on becoming very good at their purpose and mission in life. For more tips on becoming a more confident man, read some of my other blogs about dating tips for men. Or, for more personalized assistance, consider my Dating Lifestyle Makeover program, or an Ultimate Straight Talk for Men session.

Is He Not Interested in a Relationship with You?

Is he interested in a relationshipHow Can You Know Is He Not Interested in a Relationship with You?

I’ve talked to dozens of women who haven’t read the signs in their relationship. They ask me how to tell if ” Is He Not Interested in a Relationship with You? ”  They come to me for dating advice after wasting months in a relationship with a man who is obviously not interested in a relationship with her. Obvious, that is, to everyone except the woman in the relationship.

They spend a lot of time making excuses for disinterested behavior and refuse to read the writing on the wall that they man they’re dating just isn’t interested. If you’re in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere, you should take a step back to evaluate why. “Is He Not Interested in a Relationship with You?”  If the following characteristics describe your relationship, you might be dating a man who isn’t interested in you:

  • Communication is inconsistent at best. If it always takes him more than 24 hours to respond to your calls and texts, this is a red flag you should pay attention to. You can tell yourself he’s busy or has a big project or has bad reception at his house, but if his communication MO is to take a day or two before getting back to you, the likely answer is that he’s not interested in dating you.
  • You do all the planning. A guy who wants to be in a relationship with you will put effort into it. If you’re the only one initiating the time you spend together, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate.
  • He won’t commit to anything. This commitment-phobia can mean avoiding a concrete answer about getting pizza together on Friday night to long-term life plans. If he can’t make plans more than 24 hours in advance, it’s only fair for you to ask him some serious “why” questions.
  • He only comes around when he wants or needs something from you…especially when that ‘something’ is sex. If he only comes to see you when he wants to get busy in the bedroom, it’s time you call your relationship what it is. When you’re looking for a committed relationship, don’t shortchange yourself by settling for being just “friends with benefits.”
  • He’s always ‘busy’ when it comes to spending time with you. He often chooses to hang out with his buddies or family instead of you, putting you in the lowest spot in the priority totem pole. He might be busy, yes, but when a man is genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with someone, they will bend over backwards to find a way to make it work.
  • You haven’t met his friends or family, and he doesn’t seem motivated to meet yours. After you’ve been on a few dates, it’s normal to start meeting someone’s friends and eventually their family. Avoiding this relationship milestone is an indicator that he doesn’t want to make you a permanent part of his life.
  • He’s a really big flirt. Some people are just friendly. But some people are really “friendly,” if you know what I mean. If he’s asking questions about your attractive female friends, flirting with the waitress, and telling you he’s OK with you dating other men, you should realize it means he’s keeping his options open and isn’t committed to a relationship with you.

If you’ve seen these warning signs, he probably isn’t interested in you.

Men are generally pretty uncomplicated. Women often try to read more subtext and meaning behind their words and actions than there really is. Remember – It will always be his actions – not his words- that will let you know a man’s true intentions. He’s not trying to be mean, he’s simply doing what he sees is best for himself.

As a smart, pretty, professional woman, you deserve a man who’s interested in pursuing you. Don’t waste your time dating him; take my dating advice and move on, and invest your energies looking for a man who will give you a fulfilling and satisfying relationship.

Finding Time to Find Love

how to have time to date

If you’re like many of the successful singles I meet, it’s challenging for you. Finding time to find love. Between your career, family, friends, exercise, and simply living life, you have no spare time for a relationship!

I’m happy to tell you that finding time to find love doesn’t have to be that difficult. I know you may not believe me, but it’s true! I have a secret formula that’s simple, easy, and best of all, FREE. What is this solution? My number one tip for busy singles wishing they had time to find love is a question: Where are you around people?

Look at your schedule and review the places you encounter other people while you’re doing everyday tasks. Too often, we miss daily opportunities because we are too focused on accomplishing our tasks as fast as possible. This means not even noticing the cute guy at the coffee shop watching to see if you look his way. It means missing the big smile from the gorgeous woman behind you in line at the grocery store who’s hoping you’ll notice her and ask her out.

These might seem like unlikely places to find love, but if there’s anything I’ve learned as the Phoenix Dating Coach, it is that love seems to happen most often in the least likely circumstances. I can see you mentally shaking your head at me, thinking that those sorts of things never happen to you because there aren’t any singles in your neighborhood, at your grocery store, or buying coffee in the morning.

Finding time to find love starts by looking. I’d like to suggest that perhaps those single people are around you, you just haven’t noticed them yet because you weren’t on the lookout. I think you’d be amazed at how many more handsome men and gorgeous ladies you’ll encounter in your day-to-day routine if you start looking for them!

Finding Time to Find Love

During a recent Flirting Workshop, a young woman attended who hadn’t dated in a few years. I spoke about this principle of finding time to find love by looking in everyday places, and she was convinced there was no way it was that simple! I challenged her to give it a try. She figured she had nothing to lose, and soon afterward met a single man at her local grocery store and they went on a date soon afterwards.

Finding time to find love is as simple as keeping your eyes open and looking for those everyday opportunities. Remember to pause and look around you. Who’s near? Who’s looking at you? Who do you notice? Once you open yourself up to finding time to find love, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you start meeting people!

From the heart,

Joann Cohen
Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix singles,
Scottsdale singles, and singles throughout the Phoenix area

 

Phoenix Dating Coach

 

P.S. Now that you’ve started noticing people, the next step is learning how to flirt!

Joann Cohen,

Phoenix Dating Coach