Tag Archives: texting

When to Text Men

Arizona matchmaker when to text menSo you’re sitting and staring at your phone thinking about “him.” You want to reach out – talk about the nice time you had with him last weekend, or maybe about all the fun you had without him last weekend, to let him know that you aren’t just sitting by the phone waiting for his call. Except, you are sitting by the phone and when you text him, he knows that. Wondering when to text men?

The last thing a guy wants early on in a relationship is someone who is clingy, needy or desperate. Too much texting – particularly if you are initiating it – tells him to watch out. No matter how breezy or cool your words, it’s the action that he will notice.

Remember, a confident woman – the kind he is looking for – has a life. You are busy with other interests and maybe other men. No matter how cute, interesting, intelligent or charming this guy is – don’t get so caught up after a few dates that you are always pushing for more. Texting too much just feels pushy.

So How Do You Decide When to Text Men?

Answer the following questions with a yes and you will know when to text men.

Are you in an established relationship?
When the two of you are serious about each other – talking about the future and making plans together – go ahead and initiate the occasional text. But don’t text him with every little thing about your day or with cute loving thoughts when he is at work. Even a strong relationship can go stale with too much exposure. So… texting him when you got that promotion – fine. What you had for lunch, however, not so much.

Is texting the courteous thing to do?
If you promised to get back to him about some plans or some information he wanted, then it is completely appropriate to text him in response. If you’re late for a date with him or have to cancel, text him asap. Any time you should do something that your mother – or grandmother – would say is good manners, that’s when to text men, so go for it.

Has he done something special for you?
Flowers, chocolates, a sweet email or just an acknowledgement of you – anything that makes you feel special – makes a response more than appropriate. Let him know you appreciate the gesture – particularly if good chocolate is involved. This is a behavior you want to encourage.

Are you acknowledging a special occasion?
Happy birthday, Thanksgiving or merry whatever: if it’s a holiday that you know he celebrates, let him know that you remember. But keep it short and sweet – this is not your time to shine – just a chance to show you’re thinking of him.

Are you responding to his texts?
Is HE sending the everyday texts about what he’s doing at work or what he had for lunch, no question that this is when you text men. He is showing a strong interest and your lack of response could be interpreted to mean that the interest is not mutual. Also look at the entire picture. Is he doing other things to move the relationship forward such as asking you out on dates? If so, initiating an occasional text is fine.
Here’s the trick, however. You want to appear interested, not needy (And you don’t want to BE needy. Always keep living your life.) You don’t have to actually track who texted who first – but make sure that regular texting comes from his end of the iPhone. Of course, if he wants to pick up the phone and TALK even better!

Why does he only Text you?

Texting provides a great way to connect – particularly if you’re both busy. Just recognize it as one tool in your relationship arsenal and don’t let it take over all of the communication. After all, texting “I do” just isn’t the same as hearing it in person.



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What to Text Men

What to text men

If you want ideas for what to text men to will help encourage future opportunities with them, here are a few suggestions.

Use an unexpected response to build their interest:

If you want to capture their attention instantly, text men using some friendly yet intriguing teasing. You want to do this carefully so you don’t sound too flip or overly-friendly. For example, if he texts, “I would treat you well,” you might reply, “I’m not sure that well is good enough,” or, even better, “define ‘well.’”

By responding with something unusual and clever, you are suddenly different and intriguing. Most men will want to explore further if you fuel their interest this way. Unlike most women, you are not typical (read boring). A gentle push back that includes humor will catch his attention.

Your text tells him you’re different and willing to be yourself even at the risk of losing his interest. You are having fun – entertaining yourself and him. You show him that you are friendly and real and trust him to be the same. You don’t fit the mold of many other women who will say whatever they think the guy wants to hear. He’ll love that.

Flirt with Texting:

Be cautious with this approach. You want to sound flirty without coming off as sleazy or easy. For example if they suggest picking you up at your place, you could text men something like, “sounds fine but you don’t get in my home unless my dog approves of you. You might want to bring a biscuit, she’s even fussier than I am.”

One of my female clients, when asking for a guy’s phone number while online dating added: “don’t worry; I wait until after the third date to start stalking ;-).” If you haven’t had a chance to get to know a guy’s sense of humor or style, use an appropriate emoticon to make sure he knows you’re teasing. Be careful not to over use them, however. They can quickly move from kind of cute to really irritating if you use them with every message.

However you respond, think about saying something to make them laugh or smile. When deciding what to text men, remember that men like girls who enjoy laughing and have a good sense of humor. Don’t use humor to insult anyone or in a mean way. That’s an immediate turn-off.

Put a quick stop to aggressive or sexual behavior:

Some men will try texting sexual innuendoes or even overtly-sexual remarks. They think this makes them sound cool or hip and they’re hoping for a positive response. Be prepared to handle this. Here are a few suggestions.

Do not send or accept sexual images while texting. If someone sends you an inappropriate image, you need to respond quickly and clearly. Respond by texting something simple such as:
You definitely have the wrong number,” or “I don’t like these type of texts,” or even, “never send anything like that to me again.” If you are really uncomfortable with the explicit nature of the text or photo, such as a nude image or a shot of certain parts of his anatomy that don’t belong on screen, text that the conversation and the potential for a relationship is over and don’t respond again.
Men who send this type of image, or who request one from you, are likely to send your revealing photos or texts to all of their friends. If you want your intimate photos shared with strangers and friends (going viral), go ahead, but you are not building the foundation for a long-term relationship that way. By responding positively to these sexual overtures you have placed yourself in the “easy” category for him. If you want to be treated seriously, don’t engage in that behavior and don’t allow that behavior to be aimed at you.

It may seem less harmful if you are in a committed relationship, but you are providing fuel for revenge if the two of you ever break-up. Make sure you never send any photos unless you are willing to have them shared with family, friends and strangers on the Internet.

Above all, remember that while you are figuring out what to text men, like dating, texting is only one way to let someone get to know you better. And all the texting is simply the start of a potential relationship, with face-to-face dates and phone conversations. Texting can be flirty, fun and a great way to generate interest, but it’s not enough to create a relationship by itself. Take advantage of its possibilities, but recognize its limitations.

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