Dating Question – How Do I Text to Get Her to Respond?
Dear Joann,
I met this girl last Wednesday in New York on my last night in town. I thought she was funny, cute and nice so I talked to her a bit and got her number and texted her the next morning before I left. When I got off the plane she had texted me three hours before. I live in the Midwest but she doesn’t know that. When I got her number all I said about distance was that I didn’t live there but I travel a lot.
I texted her a while later and she responded right back we went back and forth for a bit then she just stopped texting. I texted her the next day around the same time she responded with a good size message and had a bunch of haha’s in it. Then I responded and heard nothing back.
So I waited two days to text again. And she responded right away to tell me she had just finished filming at her first job and was now heading into her other. I texted sounds like your busy, text me when you get off work, and I never heard back.
This girl is stealing my heart and I’d really like to win hers too. If we hit it off I wouldn’t be against going out there and seeing her or even moving out there if everything works out. But we need to start communicating more. Maybe I could say something like that to her? She’s an actress and she works at a retail store as well and she grew up in another country. I’m just a nice guy looking for a relationship with this girl. She’s what I’m looking for in life. Please help me out.
How do I Text to get her to Respond?
You’ve actually got more than one issue here, so we’ll go through them one at a time.
First: There really isn’t a magic text out there that will guarantee a response to your text. A guaranteed turn-off in texting, however, is lousy spelling and grammar. I know, I know, you’re writing quickly and texting should not involve editing, but if your texts are anything like your letter to me, constant misspellings and bad grammar are immediate passion killers. (The letter shown was edited for grammar and precision.) If she still responded in spite of that, she must like you.
Next, here’s what’s going on in this woman’s mind. She’s wondering why you keep texting her. Many women complain when all they get is texts instead of the guy calling them or asking them out. You’re driving her crazy.
The magic trick you’re looking for is simple. You want a text to get her to respond? It won’t happen. Stop letting your fingers to the talking. Call her.
You’re the one not moving this thing forward. You’re trying to build a relationship on texting. She’s just wondering what the heck you’re doing and why you’re wasting her time. Trust me; if she’s cute, you are not the only guy vying for her attention. She’s got options. If you want to become an option, take the next step. Pick up that phone and actually call her. If she really was attracted to you, your voice may remind her of that.
The third issue – you live far, far away from her and you haven’t told her. Your lack of honesty compromises this potential relationship before it starts. She may be wondering why you don’t ask her out for coffee when only you know that her closest Starbucks is over 1,000 miles from your closest Starbucks.
Finally, you recognize the need for more communication between you which is good, but at the same time you’re jumping the gun when you talk about how she’s what you’re looking for in life. Don’t confuse your initial hormonal response with reality. She may look, sound and move like your ideal girl, but at this point your emotions are only skin deep. Your response signals a red-flag to many women. Too strong a come on and you look like potential stalker material.
Also, if you make the common man mistake of meeting a cute girl and figuring out to hook her before you know who she really is, in a few months’ time the appeal may fade. And you could find yourself in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have similar interests, goals or is maybe just crazy. Slow it down and really take the time to figure out who she is. What are her goals, dreams and ethics? Do they mesh with yours? The point of dating is not to figure out how to get a girl into a relationship but to see if there’s anything that connects you beyond looks.
So, start communicating more effectively. Talk on the phone. Plan to see her again. You need to take action, talk and see her – face to face. Headed to New York again soon for work? Then call ahead to book some of her free time when you’re there. Or use those frequent flyer miles to make a special trip – just make sure to take her hectic schedule into account.
Instead of figuring out a magic technique to keep her fascinated with your texting skills, you need to man up. That means stop looking for a text that she will respond to and take action to see her. At this point, you may have already texted away her interest but it’s worth a shot.
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