So you’re sitting and staring at your phone thinking about “him.” You want to reach out – talk about the nice time you had with him last weekend, or maybe about all the fun you had without him last weekend, to let him know that you aren’t just sitting by the phone waiting for his call. Except, you are sitting by the phone and when you text him, he knows that. Wondering when to text men?
The last thing a guy wants early on in a relationship is someone who is clingy, needy or desperate. Too much texting – particularly if you are initiating it – tells him to watch out. No matter how breezy or cool your words, it’s the action that he will notice.
Remember, a confident woman – the kind he is looking for – has a life. You are busy with other interests and maybe other men. No matter how cute, interesting, intelligent or charming this guy is – don’t get so caught up after a few dates that you are always pushing for more. Texting too much just feels pushy.
So How Do You Decide When to Text Men?
Answer the following questions with a yes and you will know when to text men.
Are you in an established relationship?
When the two of you are serious about each other – talking about the future and making plans together – go ahead and initiate the occasional text. But don’t text him with every little thing about your day or with cute loving thoughts when he is at work. Even a strong relationship can go stale with too much exposure. So… texting him when you got that promotion – fine. What you had for lunch, however, not so much.
Is texting the courteous thing to do?
If you promised to get back to him about some plans or some information he wanted, then it is completely appropriate to text him in response. If you’re late for a date with him or have to cancel, text him asap. Any time you should do something that your mother – or grandmother – would say is good manners, that’s when to text men, so go for it.
Has he done something special for you?
Flowers, chocolates, a sweet email or just an acknowledgement of you – anything that makes you feel special – makes a response more than appropriate. Let him know you appreciate the gesture – particularly if good chocolate is involved. This is a behavior you want to encourage.
Are you acknowledging a special occasion?
Happy birthday, Thanksgiving or merry whatever: if it’s a holiday that you know he celebrates, let him know that you remember. But keep it short and sweet – this is not your time to shine – just a chance to show you’re thinking of him.
Are you responding to his texts?
Is HE sending the everyday texts about what he’s doing at work or what he had for lunch, no question that this is when you text men. He is showing a strong interest and your lack of response could be interpreted to mean that the interest is not mutual. Also look at the entire picture. Is he doing other things to move the relationship forward such as asking you out on dates? If so, initiating an occasional text is fine.
Here’s the trick, however. You want to appear interested, not needy (And you don’t want to BE needy. Always keep living your life.) You don’t have to actually track who texted who first – but make sure that regular texting comes from his end of the iPhone. Of course, if he wants to pick up the phone and TALK even better!
Texting provides a great way to connect – particularly if you’re both busy. Just recognize it as one tool in your relationship arsenal and don’t let it take over all of the communication. After all, texting “I do” just isn’t the same as hearing it in person.