Why You Can’t Find Love

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Arizona Matchmaker why you can't find love advice

Why You Can’t Find Love

 If you’re reading this, chances are you’re wondering why you can’t find love. Through my many years as a Phoenix Matchmaker and Dating Coach, I’ve learned a lot about why some people find love and why some don’t.

Many times – we have not made the simple decision- do we want to be single or be in a long-term relationship.

Sound crazy?

Some people want to be single. But that’s hard to say and for others to accept. How many times are you asked – “Why are you still single?”. This pressure can make us feel that if we aren’t in a relationship, there is something wrong with us.

Why Are You Still Single?

People want to stay single for a lot of different reasons. They prefer living by themselves, the freedom to do what they want when they want. Perhaps they just enjoy their own company and don’t feel they’re missing anything by being single.

Other times, fear keeps us single. We are afraid of making a mistake, emotional intimacy or settling and missing out on “someone better”. We say to ourselves “if it’s meant to be, it will happen.”

Why You Can’t Find Love

IF a perfect person stumbles into our lives, we’re open to a relationship. But that will never happen. We aren’t perfect and neither will be anyone else. When we think we’ll find a perfect person, we’re guaranteed to stay single.

Without a clear goal, these singles engage in a variety of activities hoping “something will happen”. But what is “suppose to happen” is difficult if you do not know what “that something” should be.  We don’t know what we want.

Compare this to if you were wondering if you should look for a job. Maybe you should or maybe you should stay at your current job. You’re not sending out resumes. You don’t try networking and talking to others about possible jobs. You skip job fairs. You sit at your desk hoping that you can find a job, but do nothing. What happens? Nothing. The next year you find yourself sitting at the same desk, wishing things would be different. But you did nothing to look for a job so you did not find one. It is all wishful thinking.

This may seem like an absurd example. But it is very similar to finding love.

Common Dating Mistakes

You hope to find love but say “if it is supposed to happen, it will”. You are not making the decision to find love.

When you decide not to pursue your goal, you made a choice.  Often singles want to keep their options open, it does not allow them to achieve either great dating lives or obtain long-term, intimate relationships. This leaves a general overall dissatisfied feeling that “something isn’t working”.

What singles are doing wrong is not deciding the goal. Often because they are afraid that there is not a good match out there or there is something wrong with them so they can not find someone compatible. These unspoken fears interfere with them establishing the healthy goal to obtain a fulfilling, supportive and intimate relationship.

Why You Can’t Find Love

Set the goal and be dedicated to it.

This is the single best thing you can do. People who are committed and work to achieve a loving, true and nourishing relationship are very likely to achieve that goal.  Instead, many people believe great relationships should just “happen” like in the movies. Ironically, this approach hasn’t even worked for the actors in them. So here’s what to do next:

Decide on what you what:

Get clear about your goal. Are you looking for a date or a mate? That simple decision will make the other choices about your life very simple.

If you want to know how to make the decision to find love and how to make it happen, click here to check out Phoenix Matchmaking and Coaching Services.

Joann Cohen,

The Phoenix Matchmaker for Phoenix Singles
Scottsdale Singles and Singles everywhere in the Phoenix Area