Getting an “A” in Business and a “C” in Dating?
Find out Why Women Test You During Dating
I was speaking with one of my male friends at lunch recently when something he said caught my attention. Bob (not his real name) is like many of you, successful, hard working, a self-made man who has overcome many obstacles to reach the top. But one aspect of Bob’s life was bothering him. His dating life. Specifically, why some of the women that he dates “test” him. I’m sure that you can relate.
“Why do women do it Joann? Can’t they tell that I’m a good guy? I mean, I’m educated. I make a decent living. I’m reasonably nice looking and I’m pretty normal. So why do these women that I go out with always try to test me? Why do women test you during dating?
In speaking further with Bob, I asked him what behaviors he considered as “testing.”
“Ignoring my calls or texts. Saying they’ll be on time only to be late for a date. Continually wanting to know details about past relationships. Intentionally making what I think is a little thing into an argument. Sometimes I feel like I’m being pushed on purpose. I don’t need that. I was tested in school and in my professional life, I don’t need this in my private life. I don’t have time for games.”
Unfortunately for Bob, what he’s experienced is fairly common in the dating world. And you my dear readers must be prepared for similar treatment from some of the women that you encounter. So why do some women “test” you?
Because for some women, especially those that have been dating for a while, have good reasons to “test” their potential life partner. That’s right, I said “life partner” because even though you may be dating casually, for many women a casual date could be the beginning of a long-term relationship. Something that some women are seeking because they ultimately crave stability in their personal life.
Thus, women test their potential partners, in all sorts of ways based on their previous life experiences to see how they will react.
- To see if they are committed.
- How they deal with stressful situations.
- To observe if they get angry or what gets them angry.
- To see if you are who you say you are.
Notice I’m putting the emphasis on your reaction to their “test.” That’s what women who do this are looking for. So how do you deal to a woman who is testing you and what else does it mean?
The good news is that if a woman is interested enough to test you. It may mean that she’s really interested. See the testing as a sign that she is trying to validate who you are because she may see you as a man of worth. If you are interested in her as well, then act accordingly and demonstrate to her that you are the guy you say you are. Here are some suggested tips:
- She doesn’t return your calls or texts. Don’t take this personally. You are busy and she may be as well. React as you would if you texted/called a male buddy when he doesn’t acknowledge your contact. Wait a bit and try again and don’t refer to the prior communication. Be calm and cool.
- She’s late for a date or keeps you waiting applying make up, etc. Again, don’t take this personally. If you are a planner, which you might be since you are successful in business, apply the same planning with her. Take her behavior into account and schedule the date accordingly.
Getting into arguments over “little things.” Arguing with a potential romantic partner is never a good idea. Instead, try stepping back, and really listening to what she is trying to tell you or find out from you. You may determine there is a reason for her attempt to intentionally prod you into becoming upset. Don’t fall for it.
Wanting to know details about your prior relationships. How much and when you reveal this is up to each individual. If you have a practice about not talking about past relationships, tell her. She may appreciate your discretion. Or, share only what you feel comfortable with but never speak ill of your past relationships. The woman testing you is trying to find out why your prior relationship didn’t work or how you handled the break up.
As lunch ended, I shared these tips about why women test you with Bob. Based on his dating experiences, he was able to acknowledge that in some cases, I was giving him the right advice. But what about those women that are not testing you? That really act this way intentionally? I’m sure you’ve met them too. I’ll address that topic in my next blog.