Why Women Want Confident Men

Joann Cohen

Follow:

Want Women Really Want?

Why Women Want Confident Men

As a Dating coach and Phoenix Matchmaker, I’ve talked to hundreds of women about their ideal man. The one trait that always comes up is confidence. Many men ask, “What about being nice?” Yes, women like nice guys. But being the nice guy is often code for being shy, submissive, and a pushover. These are the last traits women want in a man.

Nothing is more attractive than a man who knows who he is and what he wants. Women want to feel safe and cared for. They want a partner who they can depend on.

The bottom line is this: women want confident men.

Before diving into the reasons why, let’s look at what confidence is and what it isn’t. There are many misconceptions surrounding the definition of confidence.

What Confidence Is Not

Confidence is not arrogance, bravado, or a large ego. Think of the Wannabe Pickup Artist. These men study all types of manipulative tactics and techniques to “neg” women. But this behavior only serves to cover up insecurity. Women don’t want a man who’s putting on a show of false bravado. They’re looking for the real deal.

What Confidence Is

True confidence is self-assurance. Confident men don’t feel a need to try too hard. They aren’t out to prove anything – to themselves or anyone else. They are secure in who they are, exuding an attitude of “I can handle this.”

The more confidence you have, the better relationships you will have. Psychologist Barbara Markway, Ph.D. explains that confidence equals less focus on yourself. “We’ve all been guilty of walking into a room and thinking, ‘They’re all looking at me. They all think that every word I say is stupid.’ When you get out of your own head, you’ll be able to engage with others,” she says.

Why is this attitude of confidence so important to women? Here are four top reasons why women want confident men:

Confident men are successful

The effects of confidence extend beyond the dating realm. When men are confident, success follows them in all areas of life. A confident man believes in himself and that’s an attitude that’s attractive to women. Confidence will also bring promotion and success in his career. From a biological perspective, women are looking for the “alpha male”.

Science confirms it. “Women prefer men with masculine attributes who show dominant behavior.” And confidence is a sign of masculinity. It demonstrates he is a strong and suitable partner.

Confident men pursue women

Confident men aren’t consumed with their own insecurities. As a result, they are able to pursue women without inhibition. This puts women at ease, creating a sense of safety and security in the relationship. Establishing that type of dynamic allows women to let down their guard, open up, and receive love.

Confident men have self-control

Rather than waiting for others to make them happy, confident men take charge of their own lives. They become responsible for their own fulfillment. This keeps them from trying to force others to take on that responsibility. Having this attitude is also beneficial in a sexual context. Why? Because it frees men up to be in the moment with their partner.

Being present is important when building a long-lasting connection. If you’re mindful, you’re better able to manage your emotions, including the negative. Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, Ph.D. explains mindful people recognize that emotions are fleeting. “Our experiences (and our thoughts about them) come and go,” Hall says.

Women want confident men because they know who they are, what they feel, and how to manage those feelings. Nothing frustrates my female clients more than a man who is a poor communicator. Life has many challenges, and you need a partner who is a team player. You need someone who will be there when times are tough; someone who is willing to ride it out when there’s a storm.

Confident men are strong

Confidence is the ultimate display of masculinity. It communicates strength, capability, and reliability. These qualities provide a sense of safety, which is important for women. And women feel confident men are stable. This allows them to feel there’s a solid foundation for a lifelong relationship.

Low confidence and low self-esteem go hand-in-hand. When a man has low self-esteem, he is more likely to develop depression and anxiety. For women, emotional safety is necessary for emotional connection. If a man doesn’t have control over his emotions, he can’t provide and protect in the same way. These are two innate female needs.

The Science Behind a First Impression

We’ve all heard the saying, “you don’t get a second chance to make a great first impression.” In business and love, first impressions are everything.

How long does it take to form a first impression of someone? According to research, a tenth of a second is all it takes. It’s true!

In other words, first impressions take place before a conversation takes place. So, what exactly are we analyzing? When we meet someone for the first time, our brain is working fast behind the scenes. It’s assessing appearance, facial expressions and posture. This is all to answer the question: “Can I trust this person?”

This ties into the importance of presence. Did you know your energy introduces you before you even speak? Have you ever seen someone walk in a room who captivated everyone’s attention? That person may not be the most attractive, but one thing is certain: they are confident.

How to Develop Confidence

Whether you are a man or woman reading this, confidence is something you can learn. Like any skill, it takes practice to master.

Focus on your purpose and mission in life

What drives you? What gets you excited and makes you jump out of bed in the morning? Learning what motivates you on a deep level is the first step to becoming more self-aware. Once you are more self-aware, confidence will follow.

It’s important to understand that you are the one who is in control of your pwn happiness. You can’t expect another person to do that for you. We all need a passion and a purpose, separate from our romantic relationships. Think of having a partner as the icing on the cake, as the enhancement to the great life. By having this mentality, you will be putting less pressure on yourself and the people you meet.

Set small goals

For example, if your goal is to meet more people, you can set a goal for meeting three new people each week. Keep in mind they don’t have to be romantic interests. But practicing your social skills will boost your self-esteem.

Continue to challenge yourself. Open yourself to meeting all types of people from different backgrounds. The more diverse experiences you have, the more well-rounded you will become. This ties into confidence.

Making new friends will give you confidence in yourself that you’re likable. As time passes, you’ll be able to do this with women. You’ll develop realistic expectations about women and people in general. You won’t hit it off with everyone. Some people you will like more than others, and that’s part of life.

Do you get angry at someone who likes strawberry ice cream if your favorite is vanilla? The bottom line: everyone has their own preferences, and it doesn’t mean yours is better or worse.

Celebrate each milestone

The key to reaching any goal is to build momentum. And to build momentum you need to feel you are making progress. Focus on how far you’ve come, not how far you have to go.

Don’t get frustrated if you aren’t on James Bond’s level yet. Change takes time, but stay committed and your confidence will grow with time.

It’s empowering to reflect and recognize your progress. “When the going gets tough, you can draw on your past successes to propel you forward,” The Mayo Clinic reports.

In other words, if you get rejected, don’t give up. Most of the time rejection has less to do with you and more to do with the other person.

In fact, many of my female clients have admitted they let go of a guy and regretted it later. While the reasons varied, they were all personal. These women weren’t ready for commitment and had more work to do on themselves. It wasn’t “he wasn’t good-looking enough” or “he wasn’t good enough in bed.”

So, in any case, it’s time to reframe your perspective on rejection once and for all. Brush it off, and on to the next!

For more tips on becoming a more confident man, read some of my other blogs about dating tips for men. Or, for more personalized help, consider one-on-one coaching.