Dear Joann, Phoenix Dating Coach!
I had some financial difficulties a few years ago. I have since started a new business that is doing well and growing. But I am going to have to stay disciplined for the next two years to get caught up on my past issues and get to where I want to be. When I do that, I will be debt free…financially secure. It’s a positive thing that I am going to be out of all debt in 24 months and financially secure, but I really don’t have a way to explain that to a woman when out on a date.
It seems to come up sooner or later that I don’t have the money to travel or go out all the time. Many women are doing financially okay and I don’t want to come across like I’m broke. I’m simply focusing on getting ahead! Somehow my answers are as bad and I have no good way to explain that I am temporarily pushing the majority of my money to becoming debt free. Help!! How can I have an answer that does not leave a woman feeling unsafe/unsure about me?
The Answer – Will Women Date Men with Money Issues?
It’s been a tough economy. You’re not alone – many guys are working out of tough financial situations. It’s a common question – how not scare women away because you don’t have a lot of money.
Kudos – You are doing a lot of things right. You’re focusing on paying off your debt and not blowing your cash trying to impress others. You’ve got a plan that will make you successful. And you’re honest and not lying about your situation.
But I can’t help but suspect – The Problem may be within you – not with the women you’re dating.
Your issues is like many of my clients. The men I coached felt their unique situations created barriers to them being with attractive, drama free and fun women they wanted. They learned how to easily get over the fake problems and get to the core issue preventing them from dating.
How do you see yourself?
Are you a successful man with a plan or a failure that women should pity?
Is your self-worth determined if a woman likes you, approves of you, finds you attractive and says she’ll accept your current financial situation?
Because if you feel that how a woman judges you determines your worth – then you’ll might as well give up on dating and contemplate the benefits of celibacy. Because here’s the element that all women are really turned on by.
Women are attracted to Confident Men.
Real confidence – Feeling comfortable that you are okay with your current situation because you’ve got a plan that is working to make you successful. You have goals and won’t try to impress others by throwing your money and delay your success. Get that confidence and you will draw women to you – right now.
Because women care about how you make them feel.
And how you make them feel is determined by how you feel about yourself.
If you feel nervous, then women feel unsafe. When women feel unsafe – they will start questioning your financial situation. Then you will feel even more nervous – and they are really feel something is seriously wrong and questions become more focused and direct. At the end of your nervous financial explanations – she doesn’t feel safe and secure with you – because you aren’t.
Instead if you are relaxed and comfortable communicating that you’ve got a business that’s doing well, you’ve got a plan that is working to get you the future life you want – she is going to relax. This woman will go along with putting off expensive dinners, vacations – as long as you stay confident and relaxed. You’re in charge of the situation and she can be free to open herself to you.
Women want men who are financially sound. But the right women will also understand there are bumps in the road – in life and your relationships.
The solution is not to focus on impressing women but feeling confident about who you are. Start feeling more confident by claiming all the positive qualities about you. Make a list of why you’re a great catch. And reinforce that list to you really believe it and most importantly – feel it.
I know this works.
Over the years I have coached with male clients who have had serious financial and personal issues who felt that their situation made it impossible to attract women. Working with my techniques they have dated and are in relationships with attractive, sane and fun women.
If you’re still not feeling confident when the financial situations get discussed, practice your anser. You can say it to yourself in the mirror, driving down the road, saying it until you really feel comfortable with it.
Because until you feel comfortable – the woman won’t. The first step is to start with yourself.